


The Sound of Your Heart

by ninchannie (orphan_account)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, As we all know, Awkwardness, Bang Chan is a Sweetheart, Camping, Coming Out, Consensual Sex, Dorms, Drinking, Falling In Love, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Loneliness, Oral Sex, Past Abuse, Polyamory, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Seungmin Minho and Hyunjin have a poly thing going on, Sharing a Room, Shyness, all of them are adults and can do the dirty, focus is of course felix and chan but the others are also gonna get some love, hyunjin has had a hard life, lots of smut, they are healing together, this is a happy one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2020-12-23 16:54:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 54,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21084677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ninchannie
Summary: As the new first semesters move in, things change in the dorms. All to the liking of Chan, who could use some more friends to distract him from his upcoming Bachelor Thesis and past memories of a drunk night with Woojin. The latter is not as thrilled, as he has to care of the newbies, since he is their dorms RA. Surprisingly, the boys that move in are as sweet as sugar and an enrichment to their dorm.Soon enough feelings start to form between Chan and Felix, a young man with past scars only beginning to heal. Other bonds grow too and before they know it, the boys are held captive by their feelings, a strict uni schedule and trying to remain sane and happy. As it seems, they wouldn't want it any other way.





	1. A Fresh Start

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at writing fiction in over 5 years, so please be patient with me...
> 
> I had this storyline evolve in my head for a while now and finally I'm writing it down. Let's see what the future holds.
> 
> Also feel free to follow my twitter: @ninchannie

Chan had been back at the dorm for a month now. Coming back from his semester abroad in Korea, he spent a few weeks at his family’s home and went back to the dorm during the break, so he could use the universities equipment, to get some work for his thesis done. Despite a written segment, he needed to produce a full album for his Music Production Bachelor, so of course he wanted to start on this assignment early.

Woojin had been at the dorms for most of the break, except when he visited his family in Korea for two weeks. Even during the summer break, he had some tasks to fulfill, that’s what being a Resident Assistant meant too. Two months prior, during the open day of the campus, he met all the applicants for the dorm and got some say in who would be chosen by the uni. 

The rents were at an all time high, so the cheap dorm rooms were as popular as ever. There were so many applicants, Woojin only remembered some faces and didn’t even give his personal input to the university office. He didn’t possibly want to ruin a life by deciding against a person based on looks and a quickly spoken ‘Hello’. He wanted chance to do its work. 

That’s why he was equally as excited as the other dorm members, when the newbies started to arrive. Minho and Changbin, the only other current residents, had arrived a day before, to make sure to reclaim their rooms and clean up before the first semesters arrived.

Across the hallway of the 3rd floor, where their wing was, he could see Jeongyeon smiling smugly into his direction, closing the entrance door behind her. Of course, the new girls were already all moved in and the boys hadn’t even arrived yet.

“Can’t we just wait in our rooms?” Minho said, looking up from his phone and expectantly watching Woojin. The four of them were currently sat around the dining table in the open space their hallway ended in. That way they could see the open entrance door and didn’t have to jump at every noise, in hopes it was one of the newbies.

“No, we can’t!”, the oldest replied. “This dorm used to be a family with its old habitants, and I plan on making it one with the new ones. I want them to see us as a close friend group from the beginning, so we will all stay here.” 

Minho defeatedly rolled his eyes. Woojin was right. All of them moved into the dorm at different times but were immediately integrated and felt at home. The semester before they had so many roommates graduating, that it felt strangely empty now. 

Chan made a noise now, pointing at the opened door. Outside a confused looking boy, preppily dressed seemed to search for something. He had dark brown disturbed looking hair and wore what seemed to be a suit jacket, clearly not his choice of clothing, but rather that of his parents. Woojin grabbed the folder with the names of the applicants from the table and wondered which of the five names on there belonged to him. He made his way through the hallway towards him.

“Hi, can I help you? You seem a bit confused.” Woojin said as he leant against the frame of the door. Compared to the boy in front of him he looked massive, broad shoulders nearly towering of the small frame of him. 

“I-I’m Yang Jeongin”, he stuttered in a silent tone. “Downstairs they told me which floor, but I forgot on my way up…” Embarrassed he looked at the floor and bowed slightly. Chuckling at this politeness, Woojin looked down at the registry form, the name of the boy being the first on the list, making him the youngest.

“No need to bow, we aren’t in Korea.”, Woojin reassured, getting a shy smile from Jeongin. “I’m Woojin, your RA. You’re in my dorm, so no need to be confused anymore. You’re the first newbie to arrive, so before we can figure out rooms and all of that, we’re just gonna sit around.” He gestured the younger to follow him inside, sitting himself at his earlier spot at the head of the table.

“My parents are very serious about being on time, they were really mad that we weren’t here at 10, due to the traffic. They had to get to a flight, so they just threw me and my luggage out basically… sorry I’m babbling.”, Jeongin said walking through the hallway to the table. “I’m Yang Jeongin.” He introduced himself to the others, bowing again.

“I’m Changbin, nice to meet you.” Changbin introduced himself, smiling towards the new resident.

“My name’s Chan.” Chan waved at Jeongin.

“Minho, want to sit down?” The last one gestured at the chair next to his. Thanking him he sat down, still looking overwhelmed.

“Your parents had to fly somewhere? Are they going on a vacation, now that their son is out of the house?” Woojin asked jokingly, picking up where the conversation ended earlier.

“I don’t think they were on a vacation since I was a toddler.”, Jeongin looked at the confused faces around him. “They have a big company and travel between Korea, the US and Australia regularly. I never get to see them much. Was surprised, that they brought me here themselves.”

The air in the room changed a bit at that. Jeongin tried to smile but something in his eyes said, that there was a sadness hidden, that no one ever saw. The others felt bad for the youngest one.

“That must be hard.”, Chan finally spoke up. “You don’t have to be alone when you’re here, we are all there for you, whenever you need us.”

“We are.”, Woojin agreed. “And I’m glad your parents let you follow your dreams and study here.”

“Oh, they didn’t let me.”, Everyone looked at him puzzled. “I was supposed to go to a private uni in Korea to study law, but I always wanted to do something with music. The only thing my father would remotely allow me in that direction is Music Management, so that’s why I’m here.”

No one could seem to look at him. He sounded not sad, not angry, just disappointed, that his family wouldn’t accept his dream. Everyone understood, a career in music is one of those things that everyone says you can’t make a career out of. Like being an actor, or the dream of a child to become a princess one day. Woojin was just about to speak up, as they heard a loud voice from outside their dorm door.

“Felix, I think I found it!” an excited voice said, as two boys straight up walked into the hallway, towards the table. One of them was secure in his step, not caring if he was in the correct dorm or not. Slightly behind him, a bit more unsure trailed someone else, seemingly uncomfortable by just walking in. Jeongin jumped up at the sight of them, the earlier mood seemingly forgotten.

“Jisung! No way, you got in too?” he yelled, basically flinging himself around the black-haired boy’s neck.

“Jeongin! Man, that’s crazy, I thought I’d never see you again, after the open day!”, He turned to the others, Jeongin still at his side. “Hi! I’m Han Jisung and I met this cutie already at the open day. This is Lee Felix.” He gestured towards the boy hidden behind the two.

“I’m Woojin, this is Minho, Changbin and Chan. Please sit down, we are now only waiting on two more guys.” They all sat down, Jisung next to Jeongin, immediately falling into a conversation with him, Woojin crossing out their names on the list. Felix silently sat down next to Chan, the closest empty chair to him. The older turned towards him.

“I guess Jisung already did the introducing for you, Felix right?” he asked.

“F-Felix, yes.” His voice was deep and rich, not much tremble in it, just a slight insecurity. Chan was left stunned. He didn’t imagine that voice coming out of a small body like Felix’. 

“I’m Chan. Bang Chan. ‘s my Korean name. Can also call me Chris.” The corners of his lips pulled into an embarrassed smile, even he himself could hear how desperate he tried to sound cool. 

“An awful lot of names, oi?” Felix asked laughing, picking up on Chan’s accent. They were the only ones with an aussie accents in the room. Before Chan could pick up on the that, Woojin had stood up and brought in another person from the hallway.

“I’m Kim Seungmin.”, The newly arrived said. The others introduced themselves again, as he sat down. “Shouldn’t we get our stuff from downstairs?” He asked. Their luggage and belongings were stored in a room next to the receptionist’s table, taken there upon their arrival. 

“We’ll grab that when everyone is here, first we gotta figure out who goes into which room, else everything here would be full of stuff.” Woojin explains.

“Not much room to move in here then.” Minho adds. The newbies, like lighting a bulb inside their heads, all nodded in unison.

After what seemed like ages, Jisung and Jeongin talking about their vacation, Minho, Seungmin and Chan concentrated on debating their favourite phone games, Minho and Woojin silently talking about the upcoming room decisions, and Felix sitting further back, staring at his phone, the last one arrived, escorted by Nayeon, a girl from the other side of their floor.

“I think this one belongs to you Woojin, he’s been fun having around though…” With a wave she left, leaving a tall raven-haired boy standing before them. He looked confident and grinned happily at them, a light glowing inside his eyes as he took his new roommates faces in. 

"You’re Hwang Hyunjin then?”, Woojin asked, getting a nod from the boy. “You’re nearly an hour late, we were waiting on you.” 

“So, you are the RA? The girls told me you can be a bit uptight sometimes.” Hyunjin said. Woojin cringed at the way he said ‘the girls’, as if he had known them forever. The group introduced themselves and sat up more, waiting on what would happen next.

“Are we all Korean?” Minho suddenly throws in, right as Woojin was about to say something. They all looked around taking it in. 

“Damn, you’re right, ethically at least then.” Chan stated, gaining nods from all around the table.

“I think they are separating more on cultural background now, trying to make integration for international students easier.” Woojin was right. Their uni was known worldwide for their music and arts courses, so many people of different cultures went there. If separating them by ethnicity was the right choice to make the first steps easier, seemed like a long stretch though. 

“I’m sorry to be that person, but I would like to settle in soon, could we maybe assign rooms and go over all of that?” Felix said, not meaning to offend anyone but seriously needing to go to the toilet and also just getting some less stressful alone time.

“Thank you, Felix!”, Woojin was glad to get the chance to come back to his RA obligatories. “I am the RA, if you ever have questions or problems you can come to me. If you need help in any way, I am here, and if I am sick you can go to Jeongyeon, across the hall. We can help you with issues surrounding the dorms, uni courses, problems with other students or professors, but we are also here if you ever have financial issues, worries about your studies or mental health problems. That’s what we are here for. My room is right next to the entrance door, so I am easily accessible, same goes for Jeongyeon, just knock on their entrance door. We also have regulations to look after, given from the uni. If you violate them you get a strike, three strikes and you get kicked out of the dorm. Not my rule but I am strict about it.”

“Strict in the way he hasn’t got one person kicked out since he started as RA.” Changbin threw in, getting a laugh from the newbies and glare from Woojin. 

“Anyway…”, he continued. “We have a curfew from 11pm to 6am. That doesn’t mean you can’t go out later, you just have to take a key and student card, in case a security guard sees you in the hall. During this time, you have to be quiet, no loud music, talking, screaming or other noises.”, he shot a look at Minho. “You are also not allowed to put nails in the walls, or exchange the furniture, violating that will get you a strike and you'll have to pay for it. If you are underage there are additional rules to living on campus, is there anyone underage here?” He looked at the newbies.

“I’m 18.” Jeongin assured.

“19.” Felix went on.

“Same.”

“Me too.”

“Same here.” The other ones added.

“Great, then I can skip that part.”, Woojin looked through the notes on his folder. “No guests after 11pm either, generally ask first if you invite someone. If you want someone to stay the night, I need to fill out a form, so please come to me a few days prior. As you see the kitchen is fairly small.”, He gestured at the counters behind him. “We had cases of food stealing in the past, so please write your name on your own food. This is not in the rules, but we had the tradition to cook together once a week and I would like to continue that, everybody in on that?”

Everyone nodded, some more enthusiastic than others. Felix felt his breast tighten at the thought of having to cook with the others, scared of making a fool of himself. He didn’t say anything about his fear.

“Now for the part we have all been waiting for. Rooms. I have the front room, as already mentioned. There are two more single rooms, one is already decided to belong to Chan, since he has to do his Thesis and needs silence for that.”, Chan looked a bit embarrassed at that, but everyone agreed that that was okay. “The other single room will probably be fought about, as always, so we’re gonna decide on the shared rooms first. I have a feeling I already know a pairing for one of them…” everyone looked at Jisung and Jeongin. The two started giggling excessively.

“Hell yes!” Jisung basically screamed and Jeongin nodded in agreement.

“Great. Then Minho, you have a shared room alone right now, would you want someone specific?” Woojin asked.

“Hmm…”, Minho looked around, scanning Seungmin, Felix and Hyunjin. “I think that one’s a troublemaker”, he looked at Hyunjin, then pointing at Felix after. “He seems a little too shy. So, I’d settle for the middle point and choose Seungmin, is that okay?”

“Sure, I don’t know anyone of you, and you seem really nice, Minho.” Seungmin agreed, earning a content sigh from Woojin.

“This is going smooth, I like it. I think next, we should figure out who gets the single room and whoever doesn’t, goes to Binnie, ‘kay?”, the remaining three agree. “So, anyone actually doesn’t want the single room?” 

“I definitely want it!” Hyunjin immediately chimes in.

“Well I don’t want it, I need it!” Felix retorts, nearly jumping up.

“Woah okay, why do you want it so bad?” Woojin asked, trying to calm the boys down. The others sat there, ready to grab popcorn for the big showdown. 

“I…”, Felix started looking around the room frantically, not noticing Chan’s hand coming towards his arm, trying to calm him down a bit. “I don’t owe you an explanation, I just can’t deal with being under surveillance all the time like that.”

“You should’ve thought about that before moving to a dorm then…” Hyunjin said under his breath, immediately getting cut off by Felix.

“You think I had much of a choice? I don’t know what your parents are doing, but my mom can barely afford paying for my education, definitely not an apartment.” He stood up at some point, glaring at the taller boy, who mirrored his movements.

“What my parents do?”, the tone in Hyunjin’s voice was ice cold. “My parents fucking kicked me out, after finding out my sexuality. They wouldn’t pay me a cent if the government wouldn’t make them. I lived on random couches and park benches the past four months!”

The room fell totally silent. Nobody dared to look at Felix or Hyunjin, staring at everything else but them. Felix couldn’t stand the look on Hyunjin’s face, it basically screaming ‘fuck, I just said to much’. Brazing on the edge of sadness and definite hurt in the way his eyes started to water. So Felix was the first to look away and he sat down, fiddling with his thumbs and looking down at his hands. 

“Thank you for being so open Hyunjin, I appreciate that, and I want us all to remember, that we can always be that open with each other. I want us to trust each other. We will sit on each other for a while, so it would mean a lot to me.”, Woojin began, earning small woo’s from Chan and Minho. “On the other hand, I totally understand, that in our current stance, we are strangers. So Felix, don’t feel pressured to open up about something that you are not ready to tackle yet. Whenever you are ready, you are welcome to talk to me.”

“Thank you.” Felix said, deep voice breaking a bit at the end. He didn’t plan on ever telling him anything, but he knew the gesture meant something. Maybe these people wouldn’t be as bad after all. 

“I don’t want to decide for you, so let’s do it another way. Does anyone have a coin?”, after a few seconds of fiddling Changbin threw a coin into Woojin’s hand. A Euro from his travels to France earlier that summer. One side showed a proud eagle, the other just a ‘1’. “Thank you, Binnie. So Hyunjin, you’ll be the eagle, Felix is the number.” 

With a flick of his hand he threw the coin up, not catching it and making it fall on the floor with a lout sound. Apologizing, Woojin bent down grabbing it again. The next throw felt like slow-motion to Felix. He followed the coin up into the air with his eyes. Why was this so important to him? Changbin seemed like a very nice person and it would definitely get him more socialization than locking himself in a room alone for hours, which he knew he would do. Right before Woojin caught the coin again, a small thought sneaked into his head, supported by Chan’s hand still resting on his arm. Sharing a room really wouldn’t be that bad with that one in the other bed.

As the coin landed in Woojin’s right hand and he slapped it onto the back of his other one he made a show of hiding what it said there. Changbin bending over to see what it was, seeing the side with the number on top.

“Congrats Hyunjin, you got the single room!”, Woojin announced, lightly kicking Changbin’s leg under the table to not snitch on him. “Sorry, Felix, if that isn’t okay, we can find a solution, but I’d like you to try out a shared room for a few days.”

“I will, sorry for getting loud earlier…” Felix apologized, ashamed of himself, he was sure the others must hate him already. 

“You weren’t getting loud, cutie.” Chan looked right into Felix’ eyes, but it felt like he was touching deeper, right into his soul. It made him blush under his freckles, feeling hot and cold all the same at the nickname. Soon enough Hyunjin interrupted his thoughts:

“You really weren’t. I’m also sorry for freaking out like that, but I’m glad you are all still so nice and not grossed out.”

“Why grossed out?”, Jisung asked the other one. “You may have slept on the streets, but you look hella clean.” This ripped a laugh out of Hyunjin.

“Thank you, trying my best with that, but not what I mean…” he trailed off, leaving his sentence hanging. 

“You mean being gay?” Woojin asked carefully, not wanting to hurt any feelings.

“Yeah, pretty much.” This was the first time they all saw Hyunjin get shy and maybe even blush a little on his pale face. At his words, the table erupted in slight laughter. 

“The hell you mean, Changbin’s gay, I’m very gay, Minho might be even gayer than that and Woojin is…” Chan got interrupted by the latter. 

“Questioning… what the hell do I know. I’m definitely fine with any sexuality and identity as long as no one gets hurt.”

“I second that.”, Jeongin raises his voice. “I don’t have a lot of experience, but I am very open to anything.”

“Well I’m hella gay.” Jisung winked at Hyunjin, trying to make it easier on him but actually making it more awkward. “Seungmin?” He asked, as if it was some sort of normal thing to do in a round of strangers.

“Oh, well, I’d say I’m bi, but never had a girlfriend…” This implied him having a boyfriend, but he didn’t want to make it more explicit than that. 

Now everyone was looking at Felix, making him very insecure and squirming in his chair. Chan had put his hand back into his lap earlier, and Felix was already missing the grounding the feeling of it had given him. 

“I’m gay…? Well…”, he coughed, feeling like he was being investigated right now. “I was gay, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do that again.” What ‘that’ meant was left open. It could’ve been sex, also just a relationship in general, he didn’t even really know himself. 

“See you don’t have to worry.”, Woojin turned the attention of everyone back to Hyunjin, making Felix silently sigh in relief. “There’s nothing to worry about here. We won’t kick you out, except you get three strikes.” Everyone chuckled at that, except for Felix, but no one noticed. Well, except for Chan. He had been awfully invested in the other aussie. His purply hair looked disheveled, eyes rimmed with red, as if he had been crying the night before. He still was the most beautiful thing Chan has ever layed eyes on and he just wanted to know what it was that made the boy sad and protect him from it forever. He was violently ripped from his thoughts by Woojin.

“Let’s grab your things from downstairs and get settled in, shall we? There’s a long day ahead of us.”


	2. Surprising Findings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter mentions past healed self harm scars, please read at your own discretion.

As everyone got their belongings from downstairs, Hyunjin felt pain shoot right into his heart. They just loaded of their things and turned towards the staircase again, to get their next piece of luggage. He was already done, bringing his pathetically small backpack and one suitcase into his room.

The few things in there, were his favourite clothes and some items holding emotional worth. Things his parents had allowed him to get from his room, before kicking him out. There was a plushie he had since he was a baby, a few books from his fanboy days and a few pictures of his family. Hyunjin hated himself for still crying, whenever he looked at them. Keeping one of his father and mother, happily holding him in their arms, under his pillow. 

He threw his backpack onto his new bed, wiping at his eyes with the edge of his sleeves. Trying to compose himself he turned around, quickly walking out of their dorm and down the stairs, to help his new roomates get their things up. There wasn’t a lot left, only a few suitcases and boxes, one of which, he saw Jeongin having trouble with picking up. 

The youngest jumped, as Hyunjin’s body was suddenly pressed against his back, hands snaking down his arms. The taller boy grabbed the handles of the box, setting it down on the floor again, successfully bending them both over into an awkward and way-too-close position. 

“Let me help you with that, little one.” Hyunjin basically whispered into Jeongin’s ear, letting only him and those standing close to them hear it. Woojin, just picking up a smaller box from Felix nearly dropped it right onto his feet, shooting Hyunjin a shocked look. 

“T-thank you!” Jeongin said, voice going higher and higher. He tried to scramble himself out of the strong arms around him, only to stumble and nearly fall. 

“Careful…”, Hyunjin said, ignoring the fact he was the one responsible for it and stretching his hand out to stabilize Jeongin. “We wouldn’t want you to get hurt, right?” With that he let go of the younger’s hand and picked the box up, turning towards the door, where a flabbergasted Chan was looking at him. 

“What?” Hyunjin asked, pushing his way through the door. The others were left shocked in the room, looking between Jeongin and the door. 

“That’s really nice of him…, right? That was… nice?” He asked, not getting more of an answer, than Felix shrugging into his direction and Minho barely containing his laughter.

“Let’s get this done with.” Chan said, grabbing the closest box and leaving the room, Felix and the others trailing right after him. 

As they made their way up the stairs, Felix noticed Chan’s arms, muscles flexing as he turned the corner towards the next flight of stairs. He had broad shoulders, clearly very muscular, that Felix just wished he could see without that loose-fitting shirt hiding them. 

Blushing at his thoughts, he felt his gaze lower, as Chan made his way up. His jeans were way too tight, but in the best way. Thick muscular thighs running up into…

“What are you looking at, Felix?” Minho’s voice said from behind him, with a seemingly innocent tone. Chan, now interested, turned his head a little, not stopping to walk up higher.

“Wha-, I was just…” Felix began embarrassed, getting interrupted by Changbin, walking behind Minho.

“Don’t worry, we all look at Chan’s ass.” He said chuckling, getting an embarrassed laugh from Chan, trying to play cool, despite knowing Felix had just checked him out and internally feeling very flustered. Before he could reply, they were walking into their dorm and Felix quickly made his way into his room, keeping himself busy with putting down his suitcase on the bed. 

The sound of the door closing, made him look up. Changbin was walking towards him, playing with something in his hand. 

“Here’s your key, small one for our room and bigger one for the main door.”, he said, politely handing it to him. Felix took it and thanked him, glad the earlier topic was dropped, when Changbin opened his mouth again. “Sorry, for what I said on the way up… Didn’t mean to expose you, but it was just comical how you didn’t look at the stairs once. Understandable though, he has a really nice ass…” He let the sentence trail of flinging himself on his bed at the other side of the room. 

“Could we stop talking about that?” Felix asked quietly, playing with the keys in his hand. Feeling ashamed and uncomfortable, what a great start to his new life in this dorm.

“Of course, sorry.”, Changbin said apologetically, feeling that the other boy was very uncomfortable. “I’ll drop it, but just let me tell you one thing. Chan won’t think of you as weird or anything. He’s aware of his looks and is still way too flustered to take compliments, so he’ll likely just drop it and never talk about it again.”

This soothed Felix’ thoughts a little. They were already running to places of how he could hide himself from Chan in the most effective way, until he could move out of this dorm. If he’d never bring it up again, it would be fine, right?

Felix decided to keep it at that, smiling at Changbin in his bed and turning towards his own. The interior of the dorm was not the most modern, but it wasn’t as bad or dirty as he’d expected. 

Every room had one or two single beds with a wooden bedframe and a soft looking mattress. There was a desk at the end of each bed, a wooden chair standing next to it. However, Felix noticed, that Changbin had a black gaming chair set up in front of his, probably to make long study sessions a bit comfier. 

There was a window right above the bed and desk, looking out over the street. Changbin’s bed was at the inner wall of the room. For each roommate, a small, half-open closet was placed on their respective sides, a mirror hung up on the inside of their door. 

As Felix gazed around the room, he noticed how Changbin had really decorated his side, posters on the walls and a few cacti, some more alive than others, standing on his desk and nightstand. Clothes were spilling out of his closet. 

“How long have you been living here for?” Felix asked, sitting down on his desk chair. It was hard and not very comfortable to sit on, he made a mental note in to wish for a new one for Christmas. 

“I’m in my 3rd Semester of Music Production, same thing Chan is writing his Thesis in right now. I’ve only lived at the dorm for a year though.” He explained, looking up from where he had been looking at his phone. Now all the equipment on Changbin’s desk made sense, Felix thought. There were two monitors and various keyboards and other devices for composing. 

“Oh interesting”, Felix said, not knowing what to reply. “Jisung told me he studies that too, when we were searching for the dorm earlier.”

“Really? That’s amazing! Less and less people are going into that direction… what’s your subject?” Changbin asked, seemingly thrilled that Jisung wanted to get into producing too. 

“I dance.” Felix replied. He felt that fear creeping up on him again. If that subject was the right choice, since he wasn’t trained in any kind of dancing, simply interested by his talent in Taekwondo. His old trainer had planted the idea of studying dance into his head, saying he was always extraordinarily flexible and had a fluidity to his movements. 

“Thought so. Minho does dance, so if you ever need something specific, go to him. He’s also a 3rd semester.” Changbin said smiling at Felix. 

Felix was glad he had someone experienced in his subject at the dorm, if he ever needed it. He was already petrified of the classes, even though the semester would only start a week later. 

Changing his position, Felix noticed his bladder again, having needed to go to the toilet for a while now. Thinking about it he wondered how the toilets would look be like. 

“Changbin, where is the bathroom?” He voiced his thoughts. As if having lit a lightbulb in his head Changbin jumped to his feet walking across the room.

“Shit, right. Totally forgot.”, he looked slightly embarrassed as he walked to his closet to close the door, revealing a new door behind it, Felix hadn’t noticed before. “Here’s the door. We have a shared one with Chan, so you have to lock both doors, or else he could walk in on you. The shower is a bit weird, it takes a while for the water to turn hot, but else it’s a solid bathroom.” 

Wondering about the definition of a ‘solid bathroom’, Felix thanked Changbin and opened the door to step inside. The tiles were a beige colour, definitely from the last century, but the appliances looked rather new and everything was very clean, which Felix was very grateful for. The last thing he needed was messy roommates.

Above the sink was a mirrored shelf area, where toiletries were scattered on. Two shelves had been kept empty for Felix’ things. The shower was decently sized and had a glass door and some space inside to place shampoo on. It was definitely big enough for two people, Felix thought. 

Meanwhile Seungmin had begun unpacking his things. Much to his dismay, his roommate Minho desperately wanted to help and was in the process of hanging Seungmin’s clothes into the closet. The least possibilities to find something weird, Seungmin had thought to himself.

Seungmin was unpacking a box with towels and fresh sheets, when Jisung came into their room, through their shared bathroom. He walked over to Minho’s desk and startet looking around. 

“What are you doing?” Seungmin asked confused, folding up a towel.

“Our room looks so bland and I wanted to get some inspiration from someone who has lived here for a while. Seems like Minho doesn’t care about interior design though…” He was still roaming around Minho’s side of the room. 

“Excuse you.”, Minho sounded confused. “I don’t think my university room shows much about my abilities to decorate places. Live here for a month and you’ll see the life get sucked out of you. The only thing you’re existing for is lectures and sleep.”

“Well I’m gonna make this miserable place at least a bit happier then.” Jisung jokingly stuck his tongue out at Minho. The older immediately doing the same into his direction. 

“You’re really brave for someone that tiny.” Seungmin couldn’t hold his words back. Laughing a little, when Jisung opened his mouth like gasping for air. 

“I can’t believe you would say that to me…” He said, acting hurt and dramatically leaning against the bathroom door. Right before Seungmin could speak up again, someone knocked on the door. Minho, still laughing lightly, opened the door. It was Woojin, who stuck his head in. 

“Sorry to interrupt, but I’d like to tour the campus with you all and then grab some food. Would be great if we could get going in maybe half an hour.” He said. Everyone agreed to that but right before Woojin could go, Jisung dramatically sighed, retreating into the bathroom. 

“Woojin, can you believe the audacity?”, he started. “Seungmin called me tiny. Me! Tiny!”

“You are tiny…” Woojin replied, closing the door after him.

__________________________________

About 45 minutes later, everyone piled into the hallway, with Woojin waiting for them. They left the dorms, Chan locking up behind them and made their way downstairs and out of the building. 

It was located closest to their faculty, at the edge of the campus. The street in front of it didn’t have a lot of traffic and trees were lining the sidewalk. The group made their way right, as Woojin, who was leading the group, started speaking.

“We will meet up with Jeongyeon and the others later to grab Dinner. Before that I’ll show you where the courses are held, the supermarket, where public transport is located and everything else. Turn left right here, there’s the car park. You can buy a semester parking ticket in the main building of the uni. My car is there, Channie’s too.” He said. 

Felix was trailing behind a bit, not paying much attention until Woojin had uttered Chan’s nickname. He looked at Chan and saw a sheepish smile form on his face, pushing his hair back, as he looked at the oldest. Felix felt a pang of sadness, no, envy enlighten in his heart, wishing it was him, that smile was directed at. 

They followed the street, until they reached a zone solely for pedestrians. Signs were put up, directing the first semesters to different areas of the campus. Woojin followed the arrow that said musicological faculty.

After a short walk, the group arrived at an older looking building, modernized through a glass extension at one side. 

“Here’s your new home. In the modern complex theory lectures are held, the basics in every course. The production room is in the basement of that complex, equipped with modern tech, a recording studio and everything you could need.”, Woojin explained, as they walked into the building. A few students and professors were mingling around. “To the left here is every musical instrument you could ever want, free to use them, as long as you book a slot online. This will all be explained in the first course, so I’ll just continue.”

Woojin kept showing them the building. The dancing rooms were situated on the ground floor. Huge rooms, with mirrored walls. Felix felt his chest tighten at the thought of dancing there. 

Singing classes were held upstairs, as well as some other courses, that would get interesting for master’s students, like Woojin. There were designated areas for students to learn at and a small library. 

They made their way out and walked for another five minutes, before arriving at their next stop: a one-story complex holding different stores. There was a supermarket and a drugstore, a pharmacy and bookstore. What surprised Felix, was the gym located there. 

“I train there a lot, it’s open until 11pm, so you can go nicely after lectures are over. It’s free for students, so I can definitely recommend it.” Chan explained. Of course he was someone to go to the gym, Felix thought. That body wasn’t just that strong from nothing. 

The complex was situated next to a road, where a bus and subway station emerged. It drove directly into the city centre in one direction, outside to the suburbs in the other. 

As they walked back where they had come from, Felix started thinking. He had only been on campus for a few hours and already felt so many emotions tumbling through his mind. There was a lot of fear and anxiety, of the classes, of living together with strangers, of his attraction to a certain one of those strangers.

He hadn’t felt that feeling in a while, of course being attracted to certain actors and random people he saw, but that was in an aesthetic way. Feeling himself blush, heart racing at a smile, was something he forgot he could feel. 

That, mixed with fear and excitement, made him feel overwhelmed, too much to keep in. He led his left hand towards his forearm, pushing up his sleeve slightly and stroking over the soft skin. 

Felix could feel the ridges and bumps there, the remainders of what he had done to himself years ago, when the feeling of too-much-to-keep-in was all he ever felt. He touched his scars, healed to mere pink lines, not wanting to hurt himself ever again, but to ground himself. Feeling what he had survived, to show he could go through this too. 

What Felix didn’t notice, was Chan, who wasn’t walking at the front anymore, but a bit behind Felix, watching him. He wondered what Felix was thinking about, why he was so quiet and scared as soon as he was talked to. 

He wanted to go over and take Felix’ hand, that was currently petting at his own arm. He wanted to know about him, to hear his beautiful voice and look into eyes full of stories. He wanted to count the freckles on the younger boy's skin. Chan was falling head over heels. He didn’t realize that, but for the first time in a year, his eyes and mind, weren’t fixated on Woojin.

Before they knew it, they had walked past their dorms and reached a diner-styled restaurant. Jeongyeon already standing there with eight other girls behind her, happily chatting. 

Woojin and Jeongyeon quickly introduced their dorm members and everyone made their way inside, taking up a whole third of the restaurant. Felix was last to go in, quickly regretting that decision as he couldn’t find any free seating spots. 

“Over here!” A female voice chimed from a bench, squeezing in further to make a tiny space to sit for Felix. He made his way over, awkwardly sitting down, trying not to get too close to the girl who made space for him. 

“I’m Sana, who are you?” She asked nicely, smiling bright. 

“I’m Felix, nice to meet you.” Felix forced a smile, reaching his hand out, waiting for Sana to shake it. Giggling she shook his hand, getting the girl next to her to bend forward.

“You’re cute! I’m Momo.” She shook his hand. They talked a bit, Felix finding out they were 3rd semesters also doing their degree in dancing and them trying to calm him by saying the classes wouldn't be too challenging. 

They ordered food, most of them a burger and milkshake combo and others just a salad. As their food began to arrive, the two girls moved closer to him, talking a bit quieter.

“So? How do you like the dorm? What do you think of everyone?” Sana asked. Felix nearly choked on his strawberry milkshake, thinking of what to say. 

“Everyone is very nice.” he began, earning an eye roll from Momo.

“Spill the tea!” She whisper-shouted, gaining attention from two other girls, Felix remembering their names as Jihyo and Nayeon, who now also leaned in closer. Despite the situation, Felix felt a lot more comfortable talking to them, than to his roommates, so he decided to speak his mind. 

“Woojin seems very nice and like he wants us all to be happy, I like that.”, he started, taking another sip from his milkshake. “Hyunjin, he moved in today too, is very… touchy. He nearly groped Jeongin, another first semester, today.”

“I knew he’d be the trouble maker!” Nayeon said, throwing winning poses. 

“He does have a hard past though, so I feel like he has a lot more to him, that he hides.”, as Felix said that Nayeon stopped victory dancing, feeling embarrassed for judging so easily. “Seungmin and Jisung seem really nice too, Jisung is a bit too hyped for me, but oh well. Changbin is my roommate, he is very polite and honest. I think we could become great friends. I don’t really know much about Minho, but I hope he can help me with dancing, if I need it.”

“He’ll gladly help! He is very experienced, has danced in a few music videos and is always eager to support others.”, Sana reassured. After a short pause she looked over at the only one Felix hasn’t touched on yet. “What about Chan? He’s been looking at you since you sat down...”

“You’re right! Since the whole Woojin drama he only had eyes for him, but you seem to have sparked some interest.” Jihyo said raising an eyebrow. Felix nearly choked on the piece of burger in his mouth. He looked over and sure enough Chan was looking at him, quickly dropping his gaze as their eyes met. 

“I-…”, Felix began, blushing furiously. “I honestly don’t know. He gives me feelings I didn’t feel in a long time…” Horribly embarrassed he took another bite.

“Oh my oh my, look who has a crush on Chan!” Momo said, too loud for Felix’ comfort and quickly being shushed by Nayeon. Felix said nothing and religiously concentrated his mind onto his burger.

The dinner went by like that, the girls chatting and Felix passively listening while finishing his food. As the waiter took away their plates, Jeongyeon spoke up.

“So Woojin, what did you decide to do for the initiation weekend?” she asked.

“What initiation weekend?” Jisung asked, suddenly very interested on the prospect of partying and getting drunk.

“You didn’t even tell them yet?”, Jeongyeon asked unbelieving. Woojin shrugged and mumbled he had forgotten about it. “It’s a tradition that happens on the weekend before lectures start. The RA and the dorm do something away from uni, can be a party, concert, or like us, a trip to the spa.” She said braggingly earning cheering from the girls. 

“Well Channie’s birthday is this Saturday, I didn’t want to decide for him.” Woojin defended himself. 

“Oi, don’t put this on my shoulders to decide. We can talk about it at the dorm later, right?” Chan asked at that, looking at Woojin for the first time that dinner. Suddenly that glow Chan could swear had been there before, was gone. 

“Yes please, I wanna get drunk like in the movies!” Jisung nearly screamed, bouncing happily in his chair. 

After that, they quickly went back to their dorms, Felix saying goodbye to his new friends, well he’d hope of them as friends. After getting inside and closing the door, the nine sat around the table in their kitchen.

“So, the initiation tradition…”, Woojin began. “I didn’t mean to keep it a secret, I really just didn’t know what to do since we have so many new faces here.”

“What did you do for it last year?” Hyunjin asked, everyone wondering why the air in the room felt so heavy all of a sudden.

“Last year was… a catastrophe. We had a huge party in a club and it went a bit overboard, Minho had to go to a hospital to get his stomach pumped…” Woojin said, feeling scared to admit he had failed as a good RA back then.

“Woojin, please. I don’t regret that one bit. That night was amazing… the parts I remember at least.” Minho tried to calm the oldest down. 

“You could’ve died, I fucked up…”, Woojin fought with himself, not to raise his voice. Anger at himself spilling over. “However, I do want to give the newbies a taste of the tradition. Does anybody have an idea? Chan?” He looked at him in hopes the other would somehow save the situation. 

“Well, now that summer is coming up, I wanted to go to the beach and maybe camp there, light a fire, go swimming, all of that…” he left the sentence hanging, trying to see how the reactions were. 

“You won’t believe it, but I know the perfect spot.”, Hyunjin said, sounding very excited. “When I didn’t know where to sleep, I went to the beach a few weeks ago, just to see the sea. I stumbled upon an awesome little camping place. The owners were super nice and let me sleep there for free. It was directly on the beach, probably an hour from here by car. They have a toilet area with showers and electricity, it’s really great!”

Everyone was stunned at the proposition, Jeongin and Felix hadn’t ever been at the beach here, coming from another corner of the country and temperatures were getting warmer. It seemed like the perfect idea. 

“That sounds good… if we can bring alcohol.” Jisung joked getting a look from Woojin. 

“We can bring alcohol, if it isn’t too much.”, Woojin made clear. “Hyunjin that’s a great idea, thank you. Would everyone be okay with that?” The table agreed in unison, even Felix, in hopes his worries about the upcoming lectures would get lessened by the trip.

“Then it’s decided. Hyunjin please give me the name of the camp, so I can book us in and plan where to get cheap tents and everything we need.” Woojin was fire and flame for it now. Chan smiled looking at his roommates. 

“Thank you, guys. That means a lot to me. I can’t wait to spend my birthday with you all!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for leaving Kudos on the first chapter. Please keep supporting me if you like this story.
> 
> I'll continue to improve!
> 
> Thank you for reading and see you on the next one...
> 
> Twitter: @ninchannie


	3. Growing Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Chan, oh my god Chan, thank god you picked up. Fuck, I’m in trouble, I’m sorry, fuck…”
> 
> or
> 
> Chan saves Felix and they get to know each other a bit better.

Felix cursed himself for getting into this situation. After talking to the others a bit more, exchanging numbers and making a group chat, they eventually decided to hit the hay.

He had been laying there for hours, wide awake and not able to calm his thoughts. He had tried breathing in the same rhythm as Changbin, sleep and sound on the other side of the room. Had taken a long steaming shower in hopes to relax his body. But nothing had worked.

That’s why, at nearly 4am, Felix decided to put on sweatpants and a hoodie, taking only his keys, wallet and phone and going for a walk. Outside, he quickly lost his way, only wanting to go towards the musicological building, but somehow ending up at a strip of warehouses and dirty looking nightclubs.

He tried finding his way back with the help of his phone, but the GPS service kept going off and he only went further into a direction Felix was sure was the wrong way.

Turning a corner, he found himself in a barely-lit alleyway, huge walls framed with dumpsters leading into complete darkness. He heard voices coming from an entrance into one of the buildings.

Two huge men, leather clad and carefully looking around were talking to each other. They were smoking and based off the volume of their voices very drunk. Felix, definitely not wanting any trouble, turned around on his heel, ready to head back the street he had just walked up on.

He was terrified, trying to desperately not make a sound, but failing as he stumbled over a box standing in front of one of the dumpsters. As he froze in his step, Felix could hear the sudden silence of the men stopping to talk and didn’t dare to either move, nor look back at them.

“What the fuck are you listening in on us, punk?” One of the two spit out. Felix felt his heart beat into his throat, he debated just running away then, hoping they wouldn’t be able to catch him. He decided against it, hoping to talk his way out of the situation.

“I’m s-sorry, I wasn’t listening, just came by on accident.” Felix said turning towards them slowly. One had already taken a few steps closer to him, dramatically stretching his shoulders, ready to jump at the boy every second.

“The fuck you mean _accident_? You don’t come here by accident, faggot.” The closer standing man said, spitting at the floor next to him. Felix was slowly backing out of the alleyway, careful to not move too fast.

“Bro, he’s just a child…” the other began, trying to talk the other one out of hurting Felix. For a split second, the dangerous and aggressive look in the man’s eyes had changed, turning slightly to look at the other.

Felix smelled his only chance to get out of there, kicking over a few boxes of trash standing next to the dumpsters. As he began running, he heard one man curse under his breath and starting to run too.

“Children don’t run away, shithead.” Was the last thing he heard, before the sound of feet hitting hard on the concrete echoed between the walls of the buildings.

Felix ran faster than he ever had in his life, taking turns left and right, trying to lose the men at his heels. He could feel his lungs burning, heart beating out of his chest, taste of vomit in the back of his mouth. His skin was sweating profusely under his clothes, legs aching from his shoes, that definitely weren’t made for running.

It was only after minutes of running, that he dared to lower his pace, not able to hear the men behind him anymore. He was just running past a strip of green, as he saw the silhouette of someone a few hundred meters in front of him.

Felix jumped into the bushes quickly, ducking behind a tree and crouching on the ground. He needed a minute to remotely even his breathing, heart still beating way too fast. After he wiped off the sweat on his forehead with the sleeve of his hoodie, he stuck his head out a bit, looking up and down the street.

At the end, where he ealier saw a human silhouette he could now make out a dog, happily sniffing around. It was just an early riser, taking their dog for a walk, not one of the men. Felix was relieved, but only for a second, before he noticed, that he had never seen the area he was in.

Scrambling to get his phone out of his pocket he tried to get a signal, the GPS failing him once more. Felix leaned back against the tree, breathing a bit unevenly still, noticing the sun creep up over the horizon.

He was mad at himself. His stupid self, getting himself into stupid situations. Stupid, stupid, stupid, he felt.

He knew he needed to get back to the dorm. His skin felt freezing under the drying sweat and despite summer coming up the night was still very much cold. With shaking hands, Felix opened his contacts, searching for the numbers he had saved there only hours earlier.

His first call was direct to Changbin. He was the one Felix trusted the most now, being his roommate and generally very understanding. But of course, he didn’t pick up. Felix faintly remembered Changbin telling him to mute his phone too, so that their precious sleep wouldn’t be disrupted.

Next, he called Woojin, knowing as an RA he knew what to do, despite maybe getting mad, but the oldest also didn’t pick up. At this point, tears were starting to collect at the corners of his eyes, Felix didn’t even try to hold them back anymore.

He lost all hope, after having called Seungmin, Minho, Jisung and even Hyunjin, none of them getting the call. Only one person was left to call, the one who had made him feel confused and scared. The one who had made him _feel_.

With shaking hands, he held his phone against his ear, not expecting an answer on this call either. Felix nearly choked on his spit, as against all odds, a voice was heard at the other end of the line.

Chan was working on a promising beat for most of the night, sitting at his desk, earphones on and completely emerged into his work.

The sun was creeping up, dimly illuminating his room, as he finally looked down from his screen. He had had a spur of inspiration, quickly mixing up some things and just wanting to get his creativity out.

What had caused him to look down, was the sudden vibration of his phone, laying next to his keyboard. The screen was too bright for his eyes, needing a second to get used to it, before Chan could take in what he saw. The clock showed him that it was close to 5am, making Chan cringe at himself for basically pulling an all-nighter yet again.

He couldn’t think about it for even a second longer, because his phone kept vibrating, one name pulsating on the screen: Lee Felix. Chan’s heart skipped a beat, breath hitching in his throat. Why was Felix calling him at this ungodly hour? Why was he calling him anyway? Quickly snatching his phone, he swiped at his screen, accepting the call.

“Felix?”, Chan started, actively trying to steady his voice. “Felix, why are you up at…”

He was cut off by Felix’ voice, frantic at the end of the line. “Chan, oh my god Chan thank god you picked up. Fuck, I’m in trouble, I’m sorry, fuck…” He was stumbling over his words, voice high pitched and shaking. Chan could feel the boy was at the verge of crying. Fear crept up his spine, he felt scared for Felix.

“Felix, try to calm down. What happened? Where are you?”, Chan tried to calm the boy by making his voice sound soothing and composed. He heard Felix breath heavily, small sobs falling from his lips. “Felix, try to breath slowly. In and out. In… out…”, Chan repeated the words until he felt Felix was able to talk again. Softer, he asked again: “Felix, what happened?”

After a short pause, them just breathing and listening, Felix spoke up. “I couldn’t sleep, so I went for a walk.”, Chan made a noise, showing the other he was listening to his every word. “I got totally lost and walked into a creepy alley and there were those two men and…”

Felix stopped talking, breathing getting faster again after remembering what happened. Chan felt a knot in his stomach, what the fuck did those men do to make Felix that horrified?

“Fuck, Felix if they hurt you, I’ll…”, he didn’t specify what he’d do. “Did you call the police?”

Felix shook his head as he wiped some more tears away, only noticing after a few seconds that Chan wouldn’t be able to see.

“They didn’t do anything… So no need to call the police. But Chan, I was so scared, I just ran and ran and ran and now I don’t know where I am and I'm hiding in a bush, my GPS isn’t working and fuck, I’m so stupid.”

Felix was near bawling by now, tears streaming down his face, the fact he didn’t know where he was at all and fear of the men somehow finding him too much to handle.

Chan was now panicking, mindlessly grabbing his keys and throwing on a jacket. Earphones dropping on the floor as he ran out of the door.

“Felix, I’ll come and get you, do you see anything around you? Any street names, a store, anything at all?” He asked whispering, careful to not be too loud as he stormed down the stairs and out of the dorm building.

Felix stumbled to his feet, steadying himself on the tree and poking his head around it, still too scared to fully leave his cover. In the direction he saw the dog owner earlier he could make out a blinking neon sign in the form of a green cross. He pinched his eyes and was able to make out the letters beneath.

“I can see a neon sign, it says _Apotheco_. I think it’s a pharmacy. I’m in a green patch down the street.”, Felix said, sliding down the tree again. “Chan… please come fast… I’m cold and… I’m fucking scared…” He started sobbing at that point, not caring one bit what the other might think.

“I know where that is… you walked _that_ far? I’m on my way, please stay where you are and try to stay calm. I’m gonna take the car, so I’ll have to put away the phone, but I’m on the way. Don’t worry, Felix. I’m going to save you.” Chan couldn’t think of a better way of phrasing it, not trying to sound dramatic, but not being able to come up with anything better either.

The last thing he heard before hanging up was Felix breathing hard and mumbling a high-pitched _thank you_.

Chan was driving way too fast but couldn’t care one bit. Felix was the only thing on his mind, worrying about him like he’d known the other for years, not only for less than a day.

He couldn’t shake Felix’ desperate voice, full of tears and fear, out of his head. The thought of him running that far, scared of the men he had encountered, made Chan feel sick to his stomach, want to protect Felix growing stronger by the second.

He remembered Felix telling him he was cold, so Chan decided there was enough time to turn left, quickly going into the drive-in of a fast food restaurant. He ordered a black coffee, one with milk and sugar, a hot chocolate and a breakfast tea, not knowing which the younger would prefer.

Chan knew it would only take a few more minutes until he arrived at the pharmacy, but the cashier was taking much too long for his liking, so when he got the drinks, he just threw a bill into the booth, telling her to keep the change and speeding off.

He could see the blinking neon light from afar, went straight past towards the planted area Felix had told him he was at. Chan parked the car at the side of the road, not caring to do so neatly, seeing that nobody was around anyways.

As soon as he made his way over the street, towards the edge of the bushy area, he started shouting Felix’ name, not caring to wake anyone up.

The sun was creeping up higher now, the trees throwing skinny shadows in the dusk. He stepped through higher grass, wondering if maybe Felix meant another patch of green, when Chan finally heard the youngers voice, whimpering his name.

Chan followed the voice into the direction of a tree, seeing a frail figure leaning against it, trying to get up. He dropped to his knees taking Felix’ hand into his to help him to his feet. He put a strong arm around his shoulders, feeling the icecold body of the younger, even through the hoodie he was wearing.

Chan took his jacket, laying it around Felix and mindlessly pulling him into his arms. The younger wrapped freezing arms around his waist, pressing his face into Chan’s shoulder.

He couldn’t keep himself from breathing in deeply through his nose, drowning in the scent of the other. It was a manly smell, some kind of wood mixed with a freshness and the lingering note of sweat, that Felix didn’t mind one bit. He knew he must smell horrible but couldn’t bare to pull back yet, wanting to feel that closeness just a tiny bit longer.

Chan pulled him in tight, pressing his whole body against himself. Under different circumstances this would be unthinkable, embracing another person you just met, but now it felt so incredibly right he never wanted to let go. Never wanted to miss Felix’ weight against his front and that intoxicating smell from his nose.

Only when he felt the smaller shaking against him, he loosened his grip, stepping back a little, still incredibly close but making it possible to look at the others face.

Felix’ pale purple hair was a mess, a leaf stuck behind his ear that Chan quickly pushed away with his thumb, keeping his hand at the side of the younger boys head. He looked at Felix mesmerized, how he was still so unbelievably beautiful with the traces of dried tears on his face, lip bitten close to bleeding. He wanted to press kisses onto them, soothing the pain and feeling their softness. He quickly shook the thought away, as Felix started biting at his lip again.

Chan reached his hand out, gently grabbing at the soft skin of his chin, pulling lightly to get Felix to release the torn skin of his pink lips. He felt the younger tense up a bit, breath hitching in his throat, as his eyes wandered up locking on his own. Chan could get lost in them forever.

“Hi…” He whispered, pushing his hand off Felix’ chin, towards his neck. He was basically straddling his face in his hands now, keeping the boys gaze in place.

“Hi…”, Felix replied, blush visible even in the dim lighting of dusk. “I’m so glad you came.” His voice was as light as a feather, soothing the excitement still running through Chan’s ears. He couldn’t help but smile widely, feeling the happiest he had in a while, despite the situation.

“Of course I came, Felix.”, in another world he would’ve kissed him now, riding off into the morning like in a fairytale. “I could never leave you that scared. Let’s get you home, right?”

Felix nodded into his hand, reminding Chan of a kitten rubbing its cent onto their human. He dropped his hands after, scared of intruding Felix’ privacy a bit too much.

Felix shivered at the loss of warmth, feeling embarrassed of being so needy for Chans touch. He was glad the other didn’t notice as he turned around, holding his hand out, to walk to his car.

Gladly, Felix stretched his arm out to take it, following the other. As they arrived at the car, Felix noticed Chan had just left it at the side of the road, apparently hurriedly leaving it. He felt bad for Chan all of a sudden, having probably woken him up and drive through the city. He hated himself for fucking up out of pure dumbness.

Chan opened the passenger’s door, picking up the cardboard holder the different drinks were stored in.

“I wanted you to get warmed up, so there’s coffee, milk coffee, hot chocolate and tea. If you want something else, we can stop somewhere…” Chan explained, holding out the tray.

Felix was stunned. Chan was being so nice despite having to save him at 5am, he even got him an array of drinks to choose from. Nobody had ever done something like that, maybe his mother would, but nobody he just met that day would be so nice.

“Fuck,”, Felix said tears already welling up in his eyes again. “You’re way too nice Chan… I fucking woke you up, you had to drive here and now this? Fuck, I’m so sorry…”

Chan had expected anything but Felix being sorry. He didn’t want him to feel sorry, he wanted him to be happy and smiling, not crying and apologizing. He wiped a tear running down Felix’ face with his thumb, shaking his head.

“Don’t be fucking sorry, Lix.”, the abbreviation of his full name falling easily from Chan’s lips. “I was still working and how could I not come here and get you? I may not know you well yet, but I’d do it again a thousand times over if I had to… Now please drink something, I don’t want you to get sick. _Please_.”

Felix felt like something had punched him in the gut, but in the best way. He silently chose the hot chocolate and sat in the car. As Chan made his way around, Felix tried to ground himself, feeling so many conflicting feelings again.

On one side Chan’s words had made him feel giddy, happy that someone would be _that _nice to him. He felt his heartbeat quicken, skin flushing pink and hotness spreading through his veins. On the other hand, he felt petrified. That feeling, definitely too strong for the amount of time they had known each other, he hadn’t felt as strong ever before.

That’s what scared him most. His one relationship, the one that ruined him completely, the one he thought would be the strongest of his life, felt like nothing, compared to the things he had racing through his body now.

He thought the feelings he had back then would be the pinnacle, being the reason they had made him so incredibly vulnerable. The thought of having even stronger feelings now, made his stomach drop, mouth feeling dry and nearly forgotten thoughts coming up again.

Trying to get his mind out of the spiral, he took a sip of the hot chocolate, sweetness erupting on his tongue. The warmness filled up his body, making him sigh happily.

“Good?”, Chan asked, starting the engine and driving off. Felix nodded profusely, drinking more. “Next time I’ll get you the one with sprinkles and cinnamon, it’s crazy good.”

Felix finally found his voice again, licking a droplet of the hot chocolate off his lips before saying: “As delicious as that sounds, I hope there won’t be a next time.” Chan chuckled at that.

“I’ll just take you during the day, or you tell me the next time you decide to take an early morning walk and take me.” He said turning his head for a second, to see a smile form on Felix’ face. Satisfied he looked back at the street, not noticing the others face faltering only seconds later.

“I mean I would like that but…”, Felix felt like he was ruining the mood. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that…” Chan had to think for a second, what Felix was talking about. When he realized he couldn’t stop a laugh from escaping his lips.

“You know two gay guys can go drink hot chocolate without it being romantic.”, He said, holding back more laughter. “I also don’t know if I’m ready to be honest…” Trailing off, they drove in silence for a while.

Chan turned on the radio at some point, the silence not being awkward, just wanting some background sounds to keep away any tiredness.

Felix had finished the hot chocolate, now comfortable in the warm car. As the music began playing, he felt his heart match the beat immediately, tired muscles feeling more awake again.

“That song is awesome, I never heard it.” Felix said, looking over at Chan, a smug smile forming on his plump lips.

“It’s not published after all…” he said cryptically, Felix shaking his head in disbelief.

“You made this?”, his voice was unbelieving. “It’s really really good… also kinda weird you listen to your own stuff, but I won’t judge.”

Chan chuckled, slight embarrassment visible on his face. “I started it to improve old beats but also because I’m obviously a helpless narcissist.” He joked.

Felix couldn’t stop himself from laughing at that. Chan really made this easy. Despite having ran away from two creepy men not even an hour ago, he had made Felix feel warm and safe. Happy even.

During the rest of the ride back, Felix explained to Chan what had happened, how he went into the alleyway and they got angry. How he ran faster than ever. At some point Chan had placed his hand upon Felix’ thigh, not intrusive, just calming the boy during his story.

They arrived too soon for Chan’s liking. Wanting to hear more of Felix’ voice, wanting to learn more about his past, about his feelings. Felix felt the same, comfortable to get everything out of his system in front of the older.

They made their way into the dorm silently, trying their hardest to unlock the door without making too much noise. Inside, as they were reaching their rooms, both felt a sudden emptiness, wanting _more _of the other, whatever way that may be.

“Maybe you should…”, Chan began, heart racing, face heating up. “Maybe you should stay in my room? After all we wouldn’t want to wake Changbin up, right?” It was innocent, no sexual intent and Felix felt the sincerety in his voice.

“Thank god you asked, I really don’t want to be alone right now.” He followed Chan into the room, the older locking the door behind them.

The morning light illuminated the room dimly. Felix noticed the same furniture he had, the size of the room being considerably smaller though. The screen of Chan’s PC was still on, so the older quickly closed all tabs and shut it off, awkwardly leaning against his desk.

Felix wanted to go over, feel the closeness he had felt earlier, embraced in the other’s arms. He knew not to, scared of feeling that incredible _need _for the other. A yawn ripped him out of his thoughts. Felix felt the tiredness settling into his bones now, yawning too.

“You can have the bed, I’ll take the floor and we can grab at least a few hours of sleep.” Chan said, grabbing a blanket from his closet and placing it on the floor next to the bed.

“You already did enough, I’ll sleep on the floor.” Felix said, already making his way over as Chan grabbed one of the few pillows on his bed, laying it on the floor.

Chan just shook his head and basically pushed Felix onto the bed, quickly laying down on the floor. “No way, you’ve had a fucked-up night and need a comfy bed. Sleep.”

His voice was demanding, in a nice way, as he pulled another blanket over his body. Felix decided against trying to argue, body already falling into the softness of the bed.

He was still wearing Chan’s jacket, slipped on completely in the car. Felix’ joggers were dirty from crouching behind the tree, but none of them cared at all. Their shoes had been kicked off as they walked in the room, Felix quickly pulling off his socks and throwing them somewhere, not caring where they landed.

As he rested his head completely onto the pillow and pulled up the blanket, Felix was engulfed into Chan’s scent. He didn’t think he could ever sleep without it around him again.

The last thing before they blissfully fell asleep, made a smile appear on Chan’s face.

“Thank you, Chan… For everything.”


	4. Too Soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter mentions self harm but also people who handle it perfectly, so please read at your own discretion.

Woojin woke up to a missed call from Felix on his phone. That might not have been too worrying, if the call would’ve been any later than 5am. It was before that though, the notifications on everyone’s phone within minutes from another.

He had been sitting in his room wondering about it, reading that everyone else also got the call too, in their new group chat. Suddenly someone knocked on his door.

The visitor appeared to be Changbin, brows furrowed and worry evident on his face.

“Felix isn’t in our room.”, He said, worrying his lip between his teeth after. “I tried calling him, but his phone seems to be turned off. I know this might be stupid, but I’m scared for him.”

As he said that Jeongin stepped into the room, followed by every other member of the dorm, worry visible on each and every face.

Woojin, was about to ask Chan for advice, when he noticed his friend wasn’t amongst the others.

“Wait, where’s Chan?” He asked, the others looking around for him. Woojin knew Chan was staying up late these days, sleeping in not being anything new, but he really wanted his best friend’s take on the situation.

He told the others to stay calm as he got up and crossed the hallway towards Chan’s room. He gestured everyone to stay quiet, trying to hear if maybe Chan was tapping away furiously at his keyboard. When he couldn’t hear anything, he decided to knock on the door, Chan wouldn’t be mad at him for possibly waking him up, knowing it was to help the dorm.

Felix woke up to the sun shining into his eyes, lids heavy and body still full of tiredness. He felt a weight pulling his hand off the side of the bed, as he began to remember what had happened a few hours earlier. Chan being way too lovely, the butterflies erupting in his stomach yet again.

Only now he noticed fingers intertwined with his, following the line of his arm with his eyes. Chan had his arm stretched upwards onto the bedframe, squeezing Felix’ significantly smaller fingers tightly.

Felix was beyond gone at the sight of Chan fast asleep, lips parted slightly, blanket pushed down to reveal his stomach poke out from under the hem of his shirt.

Felix needed to hold back from cooing at the other, desperately wanting to slump down onto him, cuddling him awake. The thought had him shake with both excitement and immediate fear of such domestic feelings.

Too soon Felix was rattled from his thoughts as it knocked on the door. Chan woke up after a few seconds, startled and looking around confusedly.

He let go off Felix hand, leaving both of them feeling cold and empty, as he sat up and began stretching. “Fuck.”, Chan murmured stretching his arms above his head. “Coming.” He then said louder towards the direction of the door.

He stood up, stretching some more and looking at Felix smiling. _Good morning, _he mouthed into Felix’ direction, making the other blush and dumbly smile back. His gaze quickly dropped lower, Chan’s shirt risen up due to his arms above his head, revealing toned muscles.

Felix had to bite his lips, quickly looking away. Chan really was perfect, he thought.

With a smug grin on Chan’s face at the younger’s reaction, Chan finally turned towards the door, when another knock was heard.

Without thinking, Chan unlocked the door, whipping it open to a worried looking Woojin, backed up by a cluster of scared looking faces. The expression on them quickly changed. First, to relief at seeing him, then, with eyes trailing over his shoulder, to utter shock. Felix was sat up in the bed, Chan’s jacket falling off the side of one of his shoulders, waiting for whoever had just knocked to speak up.

It was an obscene view. Seven mouths dropping at the same time. After a few seconds of composing themselves, Jeongin’s mouth opening and closing a few times, Hyunjin and Minho started grinning profusely, stretching to look beyond Chan’s shoulder and directly at Felix.

“Damn, Felix, so that’s how it is!” Hyunjin whistled, high laugh erupting from his lips, Minho chiming right in.

Woojin nudged Chan’s shoulder with his fist, smile also growing on his face, despite obvious confusion still in his eyes. “Good game, man!”

Chan and Felix tried their hardest to explain the situation, keeping out certain details, like Felix having to run from creepy men, for the sake of Woojin not getting mad. Of course, nobody believed them.

Hyunjin was a laughing mess at the table, calming down for a few seconds every so often, before a new wave of laughter spilt out of his mouth again. Minho was in a similar state, but trying to compose himself in front of Woojin, who was shaking his head at them.

Jisung was bombarding Felix with questions of ‘_Did you do iiiiiit?_’ and ‘_How was he?_’, a similarly curious Changbin peeking over his shoulder. Felix felt his head throb, temples feeling tight, as he took a sip of the cold milk coffee, still left from the night before.

It somehow didn't help to calm his nerves. His emotions were bubbling into every direction possible and he just wanted it to stop, to feel numb and forget it all.

_What did this mean? _

_Why did he feel this strongly towards Chan, only a few hours after meeting him?_

_Why did he miss the feeling of their fingers intertwined so desperately?_

_What did Chan think about all of this?_

_What did this mean for the future of him living at the dorm? Did he already ruin it? _

These questions were spiraling through his head, making him feel dizzy and actually close to nauseous. He placed the cup on the table. Somewhere deeper in his thoughts, a voice had awoken again whispering filthy things at him.

_This is what you get for being stupid, hopefully these guys from last night will find you and give you a good beating. Maybe you will finally learn. _

_Chan only was nice to you so you would trust him. In a second, he’ll rip out your heart and trample all over it, like you deserve it._

_The others? Look how they are laughing at you, thinking how easily you open your legs for someone. Look at no one saying anything… no one believing you. _

_It’s just like you’ve learned it: _No one ever believes you.

Lost in the voice, in the darkness of his mind, Felix had mindlessly pulled up the sleeve of Chan’s jacket, palming over the scars littered across the inside of his arms.

He began tracing them with his fingertips. Fingertips soon making place for his nails, to pick at the bumpy skin. Before Felix realized, he started scratching harshly on the skin, nails dragging up and down, harsh enough to leave deep red marks in their wake.

He couldn’t stop himself, felt his skin rip open, blood trickling out under a few of his sharper nails. Soon he had wiped it up to his elbow, by the brute force of his hand rubbing _up and down_.

It happened so fast, starting without any warning, that the others didn’t even realize what was happening before their eyes.

Woojin, his eyes fixated on Minho before, was the first to notice. He saw the rapid movement of Felix’ hand, eyes cloudy and directed at nowhere in particular. It took a moment to process what the other was doing exactly, long enough for blood to draw up on the skin.

By that point, Jisung had started to choke on his babbling, moving backwards at the sight in front of him, his body hitting Changbin in the process. Jeongin let out a gasp, Minho’s and Hyunjin’s laugh dying in their throats.

Seungmin was the first to move, bending across the table and swatting Felix hand away from his forearm, clutching it harshly, to keep him from moving it back. He saw the blood captured under Felix’ nails, fingertips dyed pink from the substance.

Chan was the next to jump up and towards Felix’ side, straddling his face between his hands, moving his head to look at him.

“Felix! Felix… _Felix_!”, he stuttered frantically. “It’s all okay Felix. It’s okay. I’m here. I’m here and I won’t go anywhere.” Chan saw the eyes of the boy focusing again, looking at him for a split second, before his body slumped forward, right into Chan’s arms.

Tears started to fall from them as he buried his head into Chan’s neck, his hand going limp in Seungmin’s.

Chan immediately wrapped his arms around him, looking at the others over Felix’ head. They were all completely shocked. Minho had grabbed onto Hyunjin’s thigh, the latter clutching his own hand over it. Jeongin was breathing heavily, eyes darting towards Woojin, as if looking for help. Jisung was still slumped against Changbin.

Seungmin was the only one to do anything. He pulled Felix, and with him Chan, to their feet. Chan was definitely holding him up, Felix’ muscles all loose and not tensing, even at the sudden movement.

“Chan, let’s get him out of here, he needs to lay down… Come on.” Seungmin urged the older to pick Felix up completely and lead them back into Chan’s room.

After Chan had laid Felix down onto the bed, he just stood beside it awkwardly. Felix still had tears streaming down his face, but didn’t say anything, gaze fixed on a point far far away.

“Aren’t you gonna do anything?” Seungmin looked at Chan confusedly. Felix just had some kind of attack and the other just stood besides the bed dumbly. Despite whatever happened that night, Seungmin thought Chan would be the closest person to Felix right now, the best person to help. Apparently he had been wrong, as Chan didn’t move at all.

Rolling his eyes Seungmin decided to take matters into his hands. “Chan, if you’re not going to comfort him then at least grab some things for me. Felix is shaking, he needs something hot to drink, so please get him tea or something. Get a wet towel and a first aid kit.”

He knew that he was very impolitely ordering the older around but couldn’t care less at that second. Chan, finally having found his voice again turned around, mumbling the list down under his breath.

After Chan was out of the room Seungmin decided to carefully sit beside Felix. They didn’t really know each other, and he didn’t want to disturb the other even more.

After a few seconds he saw Felix was getting slightly better, feeling the bed moving as his body relaxed. Seungmin decided it would be okay to go a step further and carefully moved his hand towards Felix, fingers trailing over the pale skin of his arm.

He was of course very careful to not get too close to the scratches, or the places where the blood was drying and starting to crust up. Knowing what helped him during attacks in the past, he lightly started humming. It wasn’t any particular melody, just creating soothing sounds in his throat to calm Felix down.

Felix was tensing lightly against the feeling at first, but he finally was coming back to reality turning his head towards the person next to him. He wondered whose voice was creating these beautiful tones, this melody that pulled him back.

“S-Seungmin?” He whispered, voice broken and full of tears. It was not the person he expected, but somehow, he felt a connection when their eyes met. It was as if Seungmin knew what Felix was feeling, despite him being sure that was impossible.

“Hey…” Seungmin greeted, stopping his humming. “Nice to have you back.” He smiled lightly at Felix, not stopping his hand movement.

At that Felix looked down, only now noticing the blood and slight pain starting to pool up. He felt his eyes clouding up again, tears welling at them. _Did he do this? With eight people around him?_

His breath got faster again and he looked at Seungmin with questions in his eyes and fear of the other pushing him away now, as if he hadn’t seen the blood before.

“It’s okay. I know how you feel… maybe not exactly, but to some extent.” at that he pulled his hand back, sitting up straight and pulling his shirt up, revealing his hipbone.

Faint lines were visible, a nearly geometric pattern littered across surprisingly tan skin. Felix let out a surprised gasp, reaching his hand out to pet at the skin, in the same manner Seungmin had at his arm earlier.

“I had a hard time at school and this was the only relieving thing I found… I haven’t done it in years, but I know the urge won’t ever leave me. So I know what came over you earlier.” Seungmin explained. His skin was covered in goosebumps from Felix’ cold hands, so he lightly pushed his hand away and pulled his top down again.

“I can’t believe I did it again… I promised I never would.”, Felix began, voice still shaking. “I didn’t even know my nails were able to do that much damage.”

“It’s okay Felix, it happens. I think you had a lot bottled up and it was bound to spill over at some point… I know this might not be what you need to hear, but you can always talk your mind with me. I know we don’t know each other well at all, but maybe that actually helps. At least you know I went through the same shit.” Seungmin had taken Felix’ hand into his, seeing relief in the other’s eyes. Before he could get an answer though, Chan came back into the room, balancing everything Seungmin had asked for in his arms.

He stopped at the sight of them so close to each other, Felix’ hand in Seungmins. He felt a pain jab at his chest, a sudden anger against Seungmin, despite only helping Felix. _Jealousy?_

“I have everything.” Chan said after trying to calm down for a second. He needed to get back to reality. He barely knew Felix and had no right to get jealous at someone just for being around him.

Chan placed the hot cup of tea down on his nightstand and then sat down on the other side of Felix, placing the first aid kit from Woojin’s room next to him. He kept the wet towel still in his hands, soaking his pants but Chan didn’t care.

“May I?” He asked Felix, stretching his hand out and pulling the others arm over carefully. After getting a nod, Chan lightly pressed the towel on the wounds, dabbing lightly, to get the blood off.

Felix winced at the feeling, the water a nice temperature but still burning on his skin. He scrunched his face up in pain and tried to pull his arm back which only resulted in more pain. Noticing, Seungmin took Felix’ free hand in his, Felix immediately clamping it.

Chan concentrated on getting the open scratches clean, the towel quickly turning pink and not being able to soak up more. At least no new blood was coming up, so he threw the towel towards his laundry basket and took the first aid kit into his hands. A sudden voice stopped him as he was about to open it.

“Guys, I can do it.”, Felix said, pulling his hand out of Seungmin’s grip and wiping his face with the back of it. “You really did enough, I’m sorry to be such a burden.”

Seungmin had felt a stab at Felix’ words, having said the same exact things to his family when they tried to help. The difference was that they indeed _did _leave after. He wanted to be different now, helping wherever he could.

“If you were a burden, we would fucking leave. We want to be here, we want to help you for once, because apparently you had to take care of yourself alone in the past and now, we show you how it should happen. With people by your side, helping you through shit times.” He said, words full of meaning, but voice low to not sound too rough.

“With friends by your side.” Chan corrected, smiling at Felix and Seungmin.

Felix couldn’t believe it. He never had anyone even know about his scars, and now here he was, not one but _two _people sitting at his side, cleaning his wounds and calming him down. He felt beyond lucky.

The voice that had pushed him into this situation earlier was still somewhere at the back of his head, but it was overtoned by happiness, by his heart beating in his chest, fueled by the people around him. 

“Thank you… I don’t know what to say, just thank you… I never had someone like this in my life. And I know we don’t even really know each other, so it’s even crazier… I’m completely overwhelmed.” Felix looked at both of them, trying to show just how thankful he was, his words failing him. He felt so much more than he could ever say out loud.

As Chan took out the disinfectant and sprayed in onto the wounds, he felt Felix wincing again at the sharp pain, quickly distracted by Seungmin.

“We know… Well I definitely know.”, he didn’t specify, not wanting Chan to find out about his own problems with self-harm at that point in time. “And I feel it too, you look so much more calm just having said that. And now you always know someone has your back.”

“I know too. And you also know I’m ready to give my all, despite only knowing you for a day… I mean I picked you up at 5am and I’d gladly do it again.” Chan chuckled, dimples showing on his cheeks and Felix might have completely lost his mind over the other at that point.

“So that’s really the story? You picked him up after he lost his way? Nothing else?” Seungmin asked curiously as Chan wrapped a bandage around Felix’ arm.

“That’s indeed the story.” Chan confirmed, cackling at the disappointed face of the younger.

Not satisfied he continued: “How did Felix end up in your bed then?” Felix blushed crimson at the memory, which Seungmin definitely noticed, but didn’t comment on.

“He had a shit night and I am, may I say so myself, a very nice person, so I gave him the bed.” A mocking but friendly tone in Chan’s voice.

“We didn’t want to wake up Changbin, that’s why we decided to stay here in the first place.” Felix added some context. It really sounded like they had actually just hooked up and now were trying to talk their way out of it, but Seungmin believed them, of course he did after all that happened.

The day went by uneventful after that. Felix finally showered off the sweat from the night before and cleansed the rest of the blood off of his arms, not needing any bandages or band-aids after, since the scratches thankfully only were superficial.

Chan then explained the situation to Woojin, excluding the butterflies that erupted in his stomach whenever he thought of the boy. Felix joined them mid-conversation and apologized over and over which Woojin turned down each time.

The three of them went to the laundry room after, showing Felix how everything worked and leaving the bloody towel and sweaty clothes to wash.

Over the course of the day everyone spent some time with Felix, lending him thoughts and repeating how they would be there for him. He appreciated it, thanking them and telling them the same.

Felix felt closer to them but wished it would’ve been a different situation. He never intended anyone to know about his scars and now there were eight people he barely knew, not only knowing about them but having witnessed him hurting himself.

Despite their words Felix was still scared of them judging him, except for Seungmin maybe, whose scars he still was surprised about. He was glad though, he had never felt more accepted anywhere.

For how tiring his day had been, emotional ups and downs accompanying him throughout it, he wasn’t tired in the slightest. Changbin was sleeping soundly again, they had talked for over an hour before he fell asleep midsentence, talking about their shared favourite k-drama.

Felix didn’t know when he made the decision, but at 1:34am he silently stood up, grabbing his blanket and pillow and tippy-toed through their room and bathroom.

When he reached the closed door leading into Chan’s dorm room, he could hear the faint sound of the other humming a melody, obviously still awake yet again. With a beating heart, he lightly knocked on the door.

Chan immediately stopped humming, letting out a confused “Yes?”, chair creaking audibly as he stood up. He opened the bathroom door to Felix, brows furrowed but immediately relaxing.

Felix looked a bit embarrassed, standing there with a blanket and pillow, without even knowing if this would be okay for Chan. He regretted his decision for just walking over, he could’ve shot him a message instead.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t sleep and…” Felix was cut off by Chan.

“You should stop apologizing in every sentence that comes out of your pretty mouth. Come in.” he said stepping to the side and closed the door to the bathroom behind the smaller.

_Pretty mouth? _He had not just said that, had he?

“I feel like the only thing I do is causing trouble and being annoying, so I always feel like the right thing is to apologize.” Felix explained, dropping his blanket to the floor, next to the spot Chan had slept on yesterday.

“I know that you only mean that in a nice way, but at some point, apologies start to mean nothing then.” Chan mimicked Felix, throwing his blanket next to Felix’.

“Wow, that’s actually really poetic, I never thought about it that way… Also, today I sleep on the floor… I mean of course only if I could sleep here again? I somehow can’t find any sleep in my room and Changbin isn’t awake to talk.” Felix sat down on his blanket, crossing his legs in front of him.

“Of course you can sleep here, I also can’t sleep and would love to talk to you. My room my rules though, so _you_ get on the bed right now.”, Chan immediately cringed at his words, coming off way different than expecting. “That sounded sexual… yikes… I meant you come and _sleep _in the bed.”

Felix nearly fell over from laughing, smoothly covering up the gasp that had formed at Chan’s demand. “You really pull off the whole dom thing.” Felix said after calming down.

“Maybe I’m into it, we’ll never know.”, Felix secretly hoped he somehow would get to know. “But I mean it… Bed. Now.”

At that Felix couldn’t help but bite his lips. Chan deliberately said it that way and of course it had the desired effect on Felix. He was completely and utterly fucked with how his body was reacting so easily to the words of the older.

“I really don’t want to sleep on the bed, so please just lay down. Floor is perfectly fine for me.” Felix changed the subject back to less dangerous territories.

He smoothed out his makeshift blanket-mattress and lay down on the pillow, his back towards Chan. He heard some shuffling, thinking the other accepted it, but suddenly felt something being put on the floor behind him and Chan flopping down on it.

“If you want to sleep on the floor so badly, I’m gonna sleep here too.” Chan muttered.

Suddenly Felix felt a weight on him and the already familiar scent of Chan filling his every sense. Chan had put a blanket over them, apparently laying on the one he had used the night before.

Felix couldn’t breathe. They were sharing a blanket. Still scooted quite a few centimeters apart from each other, not touching, but they were _sharing a blanket. _

“How is your arm?” Chan asked. Felix could feel a breath on his neck, goosebumps rising on his skin. He couldn’t believe the situation, but never wanted it to end either. He could barely manage to utter his next words.

“It’s fine. The scratches aren’t deep, so it should be gone soon.” Was what Felix managed to get out.

“I’m glad. I was so worried for you. I’m so glad.” Chan said. Maybe it was Felix’ imagination running in circles, or maybe it was real, but he could’ve sworn he felt Chan’s hand on his hip for a split second, as if wanting to put his arm over the other.

Felix would’ve melted into the touch, probably loosing his mind. This was going way too fast, but that electricity between them was nearly too much to handle. For both of them.

Chan, pulling his hand back, tried to change the air by finding a new topic. “So, what do you want to talk about?” He asked, remembering Felix’ reason to have come to his room.

Felix thought for a second, different topics coming to his head, but one heavier on his mind than others. After careful consideration he decided to just ask.

“What is that thing between you and Woojin?”


	5. How far can we go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During the first chords of the song Minho already knew it. He needed to have him. Needed to feel this fluidity under his burning touch, to feel this freedom that Hyunjin was spewing off for himself. 
> 
> Never before in their lives, had any of them needed anything more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this chapter nearly done before the news. I was scared to post it, due to Chan's and Woojin's backstory in this au, but Woojin is a lovley character, so I decided to keep the story as I had it planned before. 
> 
> I'm still incredibly broken. So much so, that the news of Wonho didn't even completely faze me today. I hope they are fine. Woojin and Wonho and SKZ and MX in general. But fuck am I worried for Chan. I hope they all have someone to talk to. I hope we will all heal soon. 
> 
> I hope me continuing this au right now will also help to not only get my mind out of the gutter, but also make some Stays a bit more happy. Stay hydrated and grieve, but know there will be an after and that we all will be okay again.
> 
> If you ever need someone to talk to, my DMs are always open, can be about the situation, kpop, anything and everything, really. I am here. @ninchannie on twitter.

_“What is that thing between you and Woojin?”_

Chan felt his breath hitch in his throat as he heard the words come out of Felix’ mouth. He had expected anything, from questions about uni, his family, favourite show or maybe even his music, but definitely not about _that._

It instantly brought back memories to his night with Woojin. To the desperation in their touches, the hint of alcohol on their tongues as they kissed their way to Woojin’s bed. Chan’s feelings towards the older finally bubbling over.

“You don’t have to answer. I’m sorry if I went too far.”, Felix said bringing Chan back towards reality. They were still laying on the floor, Felix’ back facing Chan’s front and the deep voice not being much more than a whisper. “I think it’s just visible that there’s something between you, or that there at least was something at some point, and I was wondering what it was. Plus, Jihyo said something along the lines of you having drama with Woojin, when we were out at dinner yesterday.”

“Jihyo? Really? She surely loves gossiping.”, Chan said with a jokingly mocking tone. “It’s okay, I told you to stop apologizing though, so next time I’ll have to punish you.”

Felix had to bite his pillow, to stop the whine forming in his throat to come out. If Chan wouldn’t stop with the suggestive comments soon, Felix would melt into a puddle before the semester even started.

“I’m sorry, I’ll try to remember from now on.” This time he deliberately apologized, not knowing what got over him. He felt Chan tense next to him, who thankfully started to laugh after a few seconds.

“I’ll let that one slide, because I am nice, but it better won’t happen again.”

Felix hummed in response. Chan was so nice to him, it made him feel dizzy with feelings that he never felt before. The common sense in his brain was telling him to hold back, to stay away from these feelings and it was right.

He had only known Chan for a hot minute, didn’t know anything about him really, but there was this electricity, this feeling he knew the other felt too, that somehow made Felix trust in Chan and allow him in.

He of course was still wary, old wounds making him question these feelings and wonder if they even were mutual, or if it was Felix’ love-starved brain interpreting too much into the situation.

Chan was equally whipped. Wanting to hold Felix close, to learn about him and talk to him for hours, wanting to go further and hold his hand, kiss him, doing unsayable things.

He was letting himself be engulfed into it. It had been the first time he had a crush on someone since Woojin and he was glad it was someone as beautiful, as nice, as special as Felix.

As Chan knew himself, he was aware his feelings wouldn’t just change easily, he could try to ignore it, but they would haunt him for a while, so why not just go after what his heart told him?

The first step was to open up to Felix. If he wanted to know more about the boy, he needed to show his personal side too, to show the other he was trusting him with his every pore. So Chan decided to explain what had happened with Woojin, not even a year prior.

“Woojin and I immediately clicked when I moved in, we shared a room for a while too and it went really great until Woojin began dating this girl.”, Chan knew his voice probably sounded stupidly jealous, but he still felt the pain he had back then, this time he saw it in a different light though. “This made me realize that I liked him more than just a friend, but I thought the feelings would just go away over time. A few months into the relationship he became RA and got his own room, so I at least didn’t have to sleep next to him anymore. I thought that surely my feelings would finally go away now, but they didn’t.”

“That must’ve been exhausting.” Felix mused, showing he was listening. His heart was beating painfully for some reason, he couldn’t quite grasp why.

“In hindsight it really was, but I didn’t even notice at the time.”, Chan continued. “Anyway, when Woojin was writing his thesis last year, things started to break apart between them, because they were both so stressed, so they decided to break up. It wasn’t a bad breakup and they were still talking, but just a few weeks later we went to a party and saw her making out with a random guy.”

“Oh shit, I would’ve been so hurt.” Felix, was hanging at Chan’s lips, interested in where his story was going.

“Yes, Woojin was mad, he couldn’t believe she would be over him so quickly, after they had been dating for years. So of course, like any reasonable student, he got totally smashed.”

“Woojin? Really? I can’t imagine that…” Felix really couldn’t, seeing that Woojin seemed very pulled together and professional. He was glad the other seemed to live a normal student live though, despite working as RA.

“I’ve never seen him like that either, it was kinda hilarious to be honest.”, Chan chuckled at the memories of Woojin trying to fight a trash can thinking it was the random guy she had made out with earlier. “I brought him back here after it got out of control and tried to get him to sleep, which of course didn’t work. Somehow the alcohol heightened his emotional capabilities because all of a sudden he asked me how long I had been in love with him.”

Felix all but gasped, imagining Chan trying his best to care for drunk Woojin and getting hit by the older’s realization directly in the face.

“I figured telling the truth wouldn’t hurt so I told him all about it. He was giggling at first, making jokes about it and I laughed too, but at some point, he was basically climbing into my lap and he just kissed me. I was trying to stop him, but I was also drunk and he was finally kissing me after years, so I just gave in and kissed him back.” Chan remembered the night in great detail, despite the alcohol that had been in his system. He didn’t continue, thinking this would hopefully satisfy Felix’ curiosity.

“What happened then?” Of course Felix could think of what happened after, but he wanted Chan to confirm it.

“Damn, you really are curious…”, Chan said semi shocked, receiving a shrug from Felix. Without trying to hide it anymore and also to fluster the younger, he continued. “We fucked. It was awkward and at some point he nearly threw up on me, but it was his first time with a guy and my first time bottoming, so I thought it meant something. The next day he didn’t remember a thing, I was devastated. We didn’t talk for weeks, it nearly broke us apart, but Woojin being our nice, precious Woojin, sat me down after about a month and we talked it out. Since then it has all been good again and honestly, we are now the closest we’ve ever been.”

That was a lot to take in for Felix. It surprised him that Chan was Woojin’s first and maybe only gay experience, it made him angry that the oldest would hurt the other, but somehow Felix adored that they managed to talk it out. Of course, the thing Felix said was completely unexpected yet again.

“So you’re a top?”

Chan choked on his spit, erupting into a fit of coughs which made him sit up. Felix quickly turned around surprised at the sudden noise and then started to laugh, when he saw Chan’s bright red face.

The other grabbed a water bottle from his nightstand, quickly downing it and calming his throat. Joining Felix in laughing he laid back down, now face to face with the other.

“You’re gonna be the death of me with those questions.”, Chan was still smiling as he said that. “Do I seem like a top to you?”

At that question it was Felix’ turn to blush a deep crimson. He thought for a second and determined that yes, he definitely did. The cocky yet cute behavior, muscular body and the way he had cared for Felix up to this point definitely made it seem that way.

“I guess so, but I do think most people are versatile and can change their preferences depending on their partner.” Felix determined after a minute or so. Chan nodded in agreement.

“I think so too. Personally, I like being a top more, but I’m not averse to trying it out the other way again.”, He flashed another smile at Felix, all teeth and eyes nearly hidden completely. “What about you Felix? What do you prefer?” There was of course no self-interest behind his words, nope, definitely not.

“I only ever bottomed, so I definitely want to try topping at some point.” Felix said, not pointing out any preference.

“Didn’t your exes ever let you try it out?” Chan sounded confused and curious, finally learning more about Felix, even if it was that very specific topic.

“I only had one ex and he would’ve never allowed me to try.” Felix couldn’t believe himself, as he heard the words spill out. He had never talked about his ex with anyone, not even his mother or therapist and now here he was, telling his mind to a very brief friend.

“What? He sounds like a complete asshole, why were you together with him?” The question was justified, Chan not understanding how Felix would get into a relationship like that, especially at his young age.

Tears were welling in Felix’ eyes again, a familiar feeling he had felt one too many times in the last few days. He tried hard to blink them away, to get himself to open up to Chan, but all of a sudden, he couldn’t open his mouth at all.

Chan of course noticed, worry immediately washing over him as he saw Felix’ eyebrows furrow and eyes tearing up.

“You don’t have to tell me, I’m sorry if I opened up an old wound.” Chan whispered, reaching his hand out and wiping off a single tear that had escaped Felix’ eyes.

Mindlessly he brought his thumb up to his lips, ready to engulf the digit in his mouth and taste the saltiness, but he noticed what he was doing and quickly wiped it off on the blanket. What was getting into him?

“I’m just not ready yet. I have never talked about it and it’s still very confusing, even for myself.” Felix said trying to justify him staying silent on the topic, despite not having to do that.

“Of course, just tell me, or anyone for that matter, when you’re ready.”, Chan put his arm over the other above the blanket, a totally normal thing for friends to do, right? “I’m just saying, that sometimes speaking your mind can help a lot.”

They quickly changed the topic after, talking about Chan’s way to go about producing and Felix’ interest in Taekwondo. At some point they simply fell asleep, without trouble and mid-sentence. It was the first time both of them fell asleep like that, at ease and without worries at the front of their minds.

The next morning Felix woke up pressed against Chan. The other had his arms wrapped around him and their legs were entangled. The blanket had been kicked away at some point, body heat being enough to keep them warm.

“Good morning, ‘Lixie.” Chan’s voice was raspy and like molten chocolate. The nickname slipped out easily, as if he’d used it for years and Felix was all but melting in Chan’s arms.

“G-good morning, Channie.” The stutter in his voice was clearly audible, making Felix wince at himself. His voice was equally raspy and had the same effect on Chan that it had the other way around.

“You’re not wriggling out of my arms, so I’m guessing this is fine?” Chan asked, ready to pull away at Felix’ response, but definitely not wanting him gone.

“I like it a lot. Makes me feel safe.” If Felix wouldn’t have just woken up, he would’ve never admitted that, but in his still tired state he couldn’t think straight.

“Me too, you smell really nice.” Chan hummed, snuggling even closer to Felix, bodies now flush together.

_Friends._

“That’s lowkey creepy.” Felix said laughing lightly, yawning after.

“I would agree but you basically inhale my sheets whenever you get in touch with them, sooo…” Chan laughed as he felt Felix try and punch him but trapped in Chan’s strong arms, he didn’t even get close.

Before they could talk more, it knocked on the door, ruining their moment just like the day before.

“Chan, I really hope Felix is in there with you, because he isn’t in his room, yet again.” Woojin’s voice was heard and Chan was ready to stand up and yeet the door right into the RA’s face. Only the weight of Felix in his arms stopped him.

“He’s here, now fuck off!” he yelled, rolling onto his side and palming at his temples with his now unoccupied hand. They heard Woojin laugh triumphantly.

“Good, but I need to interrupt whatever you two are doing because we want to grab some stuff and need your car.” Woojin said through the closed door.

“Oh for fucks sake, can’t I have nice things for once!”, Chan said dramatically, flopping onto Felix and covering the smaller with his body. “We’ll be out in 10.” After they heard Woojin walk away they sighed and Chan put his weight onto one arm looking down at Felix from more of a distance.

“_Come baaaack_.” The tone in Felix’ voice was needy, cracking at the end as it got higher. Chan laid back down on him, not holding up his weight now and covering him completely again.

Felix never knew he needed this feeling in his life. Chan holding him down by the pure weight of his body, suddenly much _bigger _than Felix, making him feel incredibly small and safe.

Of course, they were incredibly aware that this was a lot for their third day of knowing each other. Chan breathing hotly into Felix’ neck, drowning in his scent and Felix getting lost in the feeling of Chan on him.

“This is going very fast. I feel so clingy towards you and we don’t even know each other well, if this is going too far and I’m too much, please just tell me, ‘Lixie, I’ve been told I’m a bit too much at times.” Chan was mumbling away, rolling behind Felix yet again and hugging him close.

Felix didn’t say so, but he missed the weight on him, the feeling of being _so _small under Chan.

“I know we are going way too fast, but if it ever was too much I would say so. I hope you too…” Felix turned around in Chan’s arms, now nose to nose to him. His eyes unwillingly flicked to Chan’s plump lips and back to his beautiful eyes.

There was a moment of waiting, both hoping for the other to move in, wanting to kiss but also not wanting to go overboard. _Too fast. _Is what they both thought.

One of them had to break the silence and the beauty of the moment at some point and this time Felix took it upon himself to do so.

“I’ll go take a shower.” He whispered as he moved his head forward. Chan was shocked, ready to feel Felix’ lips on his own finally, _finally._ But Felix moved further up and placed a chaste kiss onto his forehead.

It was awkward, so incredibly awkward but somehow also comforting and they felt okay leaving each other like that, Felix standing up, grabbing his blanket and pillow and going back to his room.

Woojin wanted to take his car to a store and get drinks for their getaway to the beach. He took Jeongin and Seungmin with him, leaving the others at the dorm with the assignment to drive to the mall and buy tents for them.

They budgeted before, agreeing to part the cost evenly and keeping the tents in the dorm for future use. Chan was annoyed because his beautiful morning with Felix had been ruined and because he didn’t want to drive them to the mall. During breakfast he uttered his displeasure clearly.

“I know you can’t take public transport because it would be a lot to carry, but I wanted to go to the gym today and get into the studio and use some things.” Chan had been going over this for ten minutes, Felix couldn’t believe him to be that petty, but he loved it. It made him _even more_ adorable.

“If it’s that annoying for you, let me use the car. I drove you to the airport last year, so you should be fine with it.” Changbin said after he couldn’t take it anymore, getting a happy response from Chan.

“That’s a great idea! Thank you, Binnie, that’s so considerate!” As if that hadn’t been Chan’s plan from the beginning.

“Everyone can hear how fake that sounds, manipulative prick. Just give me the keys.” Changbin said, catching the keys suddenly thrown at him.

Chan soon left to go to the gym and Jisung made it clear he wanted to go to the mall with Changbin. Felix was fine with staying behind, ready to finally move all of the stuff out of the boxes and really get settled in. Too bad there had been plans made for him already.

“Felix, you’ll be starting dance with Hyunjin this semester, right?” Minho asked all of a sudden, startling Felix. The question was completely rhetorical, they had talked about it briefly before, so the youngest just nodded in a confused fashion.

“_How convenient. _I wanted to go over some routines from last semester today and definitely want to check out what the youth has to offer.”

Oh no. Felix begged for someone to save him, for Woojin to come back and need his help too with getting drinks, or for Chan to take him to the gym, but of course nobody came.

This was it. The exact thing he was scared of, having to show his nonexistent skill to actually talented people. Felix was painfully aware that just a few days later he would have to show it to _way _more than only two, but the pure anxiety was eating up his common sense.

“You look terrified. We are nice people, no one’s going to hurt you.” Minho told him, nudging Hyunjin, to get him to help convince Felix.

“We won’t judge. You must have some skill for having been accepted here and even if you don’t, we will just mess around a bit.”

That was precisely the problem. Felix didn’t know what god he had on his side when he had been accepted. There had been hundreds upon hundreds of people trying out and they all had years of experience prior.

Somehow _he _got chosen, as he had messily showed some kicks and tried his utter best to match them to the music. There was a collective trial too, where they had to learn a contemporary choreography and were judged during the learning session. Sure, Felix managed to get it into his head, but he remembered that everyone around him seemed just so much more technical and clear in doing what they were doing.

But he was there now. And fuck, if he wouldn’t lose this insecurity soon, Felix would be gone before the blink of an eye. So he did the unthinkable.

“That sounds great. Maybe I can watch you two first, just to see what’s going on, but I’d love to go.” Finally, it was on the other two to look shocked, even though soon exchanged with smiles.

Minho’s dance was close to what Felix would call ‘perfection’. He still knew the choreo from last semester by heart, not missing one beat and making everything look so fitting and cohesive.

Felix couldn’t believe that in just a year he was supposed to do _that_. He was glad that they would have classes all across the board, from ballet, to contemporary to modern, so he could find his talent, because right now, that felt incredibly far away.

The music died down and Minho let himself fall dramatically to the floor, breast heaving heavily but an incredibly bright smile on his face.

Minho was stunning like that, Felix thought. Face glistening and blissed out expression, having just done something that filled him out completely, that really was made for him.

Sitting next to him against the back wall of the room was Hyunjin who had the same thoughts. Contrary to Felix, his mouth wasn’t dried out in awe, no, he was plain out salivating. Minho had this extraordinary control over his body, this power that showed he knew his every move, every detail clear in his head and ready to change up.

Hyunjin had never wanted anything more in his life. He wanted Minho, not only his body, but his skill, his obvious determination, his _bliss._ So as the next song started, he stood up, composing himself greatly, ready to show himself to Minho completely. That Felix was there with them, was nearly forgotten.

Minho propped himself up onto his elbows, looking at the long lean figure that melodically made his way over to him. As Hyunjin began to move to the beat of the music his entire expression changed.

His eyes closed almost immediately, showing how he was completely and utterly lost in the melody. Hyunjin moved around the room easily, fast and without a certain destination in mind, just letting himself go.

It was the complete opposite of Minho controlling his body to the music. He was moving like liquid, arms and legs melting and picking him up and carrying him through the air, twisting, jumping, falling and standing back up, tongue sticking out of his mouth in between.

_A work of art. _

During the first chords of the song Minho already knew it. He _needed_ to have him. Needed to feel this fluidity under his burning touch, to feel this freedom that Hyunjin was spewing off for himself.

Never before in their lives, had any of them needed anything more.


	6. Please Hyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Stop calling me that.” Changbin said, annoyance clear in his voice. The word did something to him, especially coming from Jisung, and it didn’t make the chaos in his head any easier.
> 
> Jisung’s face suddenly lit up, as he smiled at the older, moving closer to him and cocking his head. Changbin’s heart nearly stopped. Jisung was really, really pretty.
> 
> “Make me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is nearly 5000 words of Binsung smut and I don't regret it. 
> 
> It's only gonna get worse from now on, as relationships will heat up quickly now. I hope everyone will enjoy that. 
> 
> The next one will finally have Felix' backstory and the beginning of Chanlix more sexual romance, so stay tuned.

Driving Chan’s car for the first time after a few months always proved to be difficult for Changbin. He wasn’t driving much in general and when he was, it was his parent’s car that definitely did not have a creaky stick shift and that beeped aggressively anytime he drove it a bit too close towards another object.

Somehow, he made it out of the parking lot and onto the surprisingly empty street on their way to the mall. Jisung had turned the radio on quickly, a playlist from the USB stuck into it was playing a plethora of genres and mixes, all property of Chan.

A new song was picking up, familiar to the both of them and Jisung’s face lit up as he amped up the volume. Quite the opposite to a cringing Changbin.

“Oh my god, I love Chan now. This is Chan’s USB, right?” Jisung asked, head and hands moving to the beat. Changbin nodded, trying to concentrate on the road and not look at those lips mouthing along to the oh-so familiar lyrics.

“I fucking _love _SpearB. One of my heroes, I swear!”, It was an understatement to say that Jisung was excited. He was erratic, nearly jumping up and down in his seat like a toddler on their way to Disneyland. “He’s a huge inspiration to me, fuck, this song _slaps_!”

Jisung dabbed. He dabbed on the beat and Changbin was ready to drive off of the bridge they were currently crossing. This song wasn’t even one of his good ones, he could easily pick out things he wanted to change up but couldn’t do yet, missing skill and knowledge.

Something about the boy besides him completely losing it to the beat nearly changed his mind. _How could someone that loud and excited be so incredibly cute?_

Changbin decided not to torture himself anymore and turned the volume slightly down. The next traffic light they had to stop at, he turned towards Jisung.

“I’m glad you enjoy it.”, Changbin gained a puzzled look from the younger, stopping his dance moves. “I remember getting the bridge right was such a pain in the ass.”

“What do you mean?”, _Puzzled. _Jisung couldn’t grasp it. Changbin was moving the car again now, turning right and trying to remember where the entrance to the parking garage of the mall was. It took him a minute to find it, leaving Jisung to think about his words. “Do you know SpearB? Wait is Chan…?”

Jisung was all but screeching, face more smile and awe than anything. Changbin was glad his hands where occupied pulling into an empty lot or he would’ve facepalmed to the moon and back.

“Have you heard me talk? I don’t think my voice is that different when I rap.” To reinforce his words, ready to finally get Jisung to understand, he chimed into his own voice filling up the car.

Jisung’s face was more than worth it. Eyes like plates and chin nearly falling to the floor. Changbin stopped in his verse to laugh. How could Jisung, a grown ass man, be so incredibly adorable?

“I’m so embarrassed. Wow, here goes me shooting my shot with you because I fanboyed like a lunatic.” Jisung had pushed out his lip, cheeks huffing out and sulking like a champ. Changbin was so fixated on the view he only realized seconds later, what the other had said.

“You what?” He went, now being the one not understanding a thing.

“Like, I didn’t only shoot my shot with _you _Changbin, no, good old me managed to also ruin it with SpearB. Go Jisung! Go Jisung!” He continued to ironically chant as he made it out of the car. Thankfully they were on the upmost level of the parking garage, with only a handful of cars parking there, so no one could hear.

“First off, what made you think you had a shot with me in the first place? Second, what does _fanboying_ ruin there? If I like you, I like you, no matter if you are a _lunatic_.” Changbin used Jisung’s earlier words on purpose. He hadn’t had a chance with someone this cute and fun in a while, so better lay it on thick to seal the deal, right?

“Well you are gay and I am gay, most times that is enough for me to try my luck. Besides that, you are good-looking, care about your appearance and apparently my favourite rapper. That’s like a twelve out of ten.”

Changbin couldn’t lie, he was definitely flustered at the compliments and might have blushed _just _a little. He tried to shake it off as they made their way to the escalators, ready to tackle the mall.

“Well thank you. But you see what I mean? You still have your shoots to shoot.” He decided to say simply, knowing it made him sound pretty desperate. At Jisung’s next response Changbin rolled his eyes, at least he wasn’t _that _desperate.

“Does that make me your groupie?”

Deciding on tents had taken quite some time. They knew they would want three, so that the dorm members could be equally split up and it wouldn’t get too expensive. Jisung however fought hard to get Changbin to buy the ones with a pink camouflage pattern.

The older was only able to convince him to buy different ones, when he asked the clerk for the best tents to take to the beach. He told them that the typical material would get very hot very quick and that they should consider a different material, that wasn’t water resistant, but had a cooling ability.

That convinced Jisung rather quickly, since he didn’t want to melt together into a blob of sweat with his tentmates, five minutes after laying down to sleep.

They had packed the tents into the trunk of the car and decided to walk around the mall some more and grab a bite. Changbin just finished his iced americano as Jisung pulled him towards a store.

There was a bucket of sale items in front of the doors and Jisung was digging through it with ember, pulling out a piece of baby pink lace. Only now Changbin realized they were outside a lingerie boutique. _Oh no. _

“Would this suit me, Hyung?” Changbin nearly snapped his neck as he whipped his head towards Jisung, confused at the sudden use of _that _honorific.

The younger was holding the piece of fabric in front of his crotch, stretching it out to make the shape more visible. Yup, definitely a pair of very tiny, very see-through panties.

Trying to seem somewhat composed, Changbin looked away and fixed his jacket that did not need any fixing.

“Don’t call me that.”, He said. “Let’s get going, I want to be at the dorm before it’s dark out.”

He had already taken a few steps, waiting for Jisung to follow and only turning around when he did not get a response after a few seconds. Jisung was pouting _again, _an obscene view with the panties still placed on his crotch.

“You go to the car, Hyung, I have to pee.” He then said, throwing the panties back into the bucket and stomping off.

“Stop calling me that!” Changbin only yelled after him, turning a few heads but honestly not caring.

He made his way to the car and leaned against it. The air in the parking garage was stuffier than in the mall but also a lot cooler and somehow that, mixed with the smell of gasoline, cleared his head a bit.

Would it be weird to plain out ask Jisung for sex? Should he ask him on a date first? Changbin didn’t even _want _to date right now and from the hints he’d been picking up from the younger, sex was also more on his cards.

But maybe Changbin was reading too much into the situation. He hadn’t had another person touch him in months, he didn’t even remember the last time he orgasmed. Probably a pathetic attempt at getting himself off in the shower at his parent’s house.

“What are you thinking about, Hyung?” Jisung’s voice was loud in the all-consuming silence of the garage, hallowing off of the walls into every direction.

“Stop calling me that.” Changbin said, annoyance clear in his voice. The word did something to him, especially coming from Jisung, and it didn’t make the chaos in his head any easier.

Jisung’s face suddenly lit up, as he smiled at the older, moving closer to him and cocking his head. Changbin’s heart nearly stopped. Jisung was really, _really_ pretty.

“Make me.” The younger all but whispered, as he turned on his heel and bent down to tie his shoelace that oh-so-conveniently needed to be tied.

How was Changbin to stop himself. He was a desperate man, needing to get off and a very attractive Jisung just happened to bend down right in front of him. Of course he looked down.

What he saw tore a gasp from his lips. Jisung’s tight black jeans had ridden down over the curve of his ass, leaving a good peak at what laid below. And despite what he expected, maybe Calvin Klein, maybe just off-brand, Changbin saw pink lace peaking up at him, pulled up over Jisung’s hip.

Changbin bit his lip, trying _so hard _to hold back from reaching out and grabbing at Jisung’s frail hips, to pull him back and push him at where he most needed it. Cock already filling up in his jeans, straining against the much too hard fabric.

Jisung stood up straight again before Changbin did so. Back towards the older he moved his head to seductively look at him over his shoulder. Maybe the batting of his lashes made him a bit dizzy, trying hard to get the older to just do _something. _

So with nothing less than a growl he did. Quickly making his way around Jisung and fisting his hands into the flannel the younger was wearing. Changbin pushed him against the car, earning a surprised gasp that soon turned into a moan, before smashing his lips onto Jisung’s.

His ears were ringing, blood soaring through his body as the adrenaline built up and fell crashing down after a few seconds. Changbin could feel his hands, ice-cold against the hot body of Jisung. Feet feeling unstable as blood gushed towards his middle, filling up his cock completely now.

Soft lips were already parting against his, moans and whimpers, pathetic sounds, leaving as Jisung tried to lick his way into Changbin’s mouth. It only took a second for the other to comply, opening up and allowing him in.

They tasted like coffee and desperation, tongues rubbing against each other roughly, wet sounds filling up the space between them. Jisung’s eyes rolled back into his head as Changbin sucked on his tongue, teeth scraping against him in a mix of wetness and pleasure and pain.

All too soon they had to pull apart to breathe. The air between them was hot and humid and their hands were shaking, Changbin’s still in Jisung’s shirt and Jisung’s fingers toying with the older’s belt.

Unbuckling it might have been the hardest thing Jisung had ever done, only being able to finally rip it open with the help of Changbin. He was shaking of excitement, couldn’t believe his luck. There was all of this lust, this neediness and then there came the rush of them being in an open parking garage, anyone could see them and they knew for a fact there were cameras. It somehow made this even _better._

Changbin was in a similar state. Breathing heavily as he took Jisung’s face in, finally unclamping his hand from his shirt to push a single strand of hair back that was tangled in Jisung’s lashes.

The younger already looked ruined. Skin splotchy with red from both arousal and being flustered because of their heated kiss. His lips swollen, a beautiful shade of red and glossy with spit.

Changbin was about to lean in, as Jisung sank down, back sliding along the car, landing face to face with Changbin’s fly.

With big pleading eyes he looked up, hand reaching towards the button of Changbin’s pants. It was the older’s turn now to moan, the sight being _so much_.

“Wanna suck you off…”, Jisung mumbled, voice shaky and low, but Changbin heard every word, nearly read it off of his lips. He brought a hand towards Jisung’s face, cupping one check and stroking lightly with his thumb. The lust-blown eyes that looked up at him fluttered shut, Jisung moving his head into the touch, cherishing it like a kitten. “_Please_…” He whimpered.

“You’re so pretty, ‘Sungie. So fucking pretty.” Changbin said, instead of giving an answer.

Jisung whined loudly now, blushing crimson and trying to turn away. Changbin’s hand moved to his chin and held him in place, locking their eyes together. The sound coming deep from Jisung’s throat could’ve been straight from a porn. Changbin wanted to record it and make a song only out of that.

“Hyung, _please._”, Jisung sounded like he was close to crying as he palmed at his own cock through his jeans. “I need you.”

Changbin rolled his head onto his shoulder, biting into the fabric of his top. This was too much. Jisung was so pliant in his touch, obviously turned on by Changbin’s rough grip on his chin.

“Okay Baby, you can suck me off… Is it okay if I call you Baby?” Changbin pulled his hand away reluctantly, opening his pants because in _that _state it would take Jisung hours.

“Yes, of course, Hyung. Please.” Jisung nodded wildly, trying to help Changbin to pull his pants down but probably only being in the way. When they pooled at his ankles, he was ready to pull Changbin’s boxers down, but was stopped by the older.

“You keep calling me that.”, as if Changbin wasn’t totally into it. “Want to be punished so bad?”

With that he pulled his boxers down, cock springing free with a bounce and nearly hitting Jisung in the face. The moan that was about to form was spilling out loudly, the boy nearly going cross eyed as he looked up at Changbin’s length.

It was an obscene view for Changbin, his length seeming so big as it hovered over Jisung’s face, throwing a long shadow in the dim light of the parking garage.

Stretching his arm out, Jisung carefully wrapped his hand around the base of Changbin and licked his lips. At a loud moan above him, the younger looked up.

_Hyung’s _mouth was opened in pleasure, tongue poking out and looking down at him with wide eyes. Jisung smiled at that, glad they were equally hot and bothered and tilting his head to the side, moving his hand so that Changbin’s cock bobbed left and right, slapping him on the cheek ever so slightly.

Changbin hissed at the contact, one hand reaching out towards the railing on top of the car to steady himself and one sinking into Jisung’s dark hair, quickly tightening his fist as Jisung put a bit more force behind it. He was slapping Changbin’s length against his cheek, moving slightly and then opening his mouth bobbing the head against his lower lip and poked out tongue.

“Please punish me, _Hyung_.” Jisung moaned, begging for it in desperation. 

Changbin taking Jisung’s words literal, grabbed his own base and pulled his foreskin all the way back, revealing his angry red tip. Already wetness pooling out of the slit, he was quick to wipe against Jisung’s lower lip, guiding the younger’s head with the fist in his hair.

Jisung immediately licked the precum off of his lips, moaning at the warmth and taste of it. He couldn’t believe Changbin was being rough with him. It was everything he loved and needed. Pleasure was so much more intense if it was framed by slight pain and the feeling of someone telling him what to do and then praising him after he did well was probably what he loved most in this world.

He had his mouth open, hand on Changbin’s hips and tongue poking out slightly, ready to take everything in the older would give to him. His cock was incredibly hard, trapped under the tight fabric of his pants, but he didn’t even think of touching himself, his only focus being Changbin, his _purpose _being making the older feel good.

“If you need a break at any time, just tap out, I’ll stop immediately. Leave your hands on me and don’t touch yourself. Understood, Baby?” He asked, trying to get a clear answer out of Jisung, who basically was hypnotized by Changbin’s cock so close to his mouth. After not getting an answer, he pulled at his hair lightly, yanking his gaze up to Changbin’s face.

“Yes, _pleeease._” Jisung moaned, eyes closing and mouth opening even wider, wanting to get ruined, ruined, _ruined. _Changbin didn’t know what he did to deserve this, his cock twitching at every whimper the boy made, but he wanted to be good for Jisung too, to be what he apparently so desperately wanted. A strong dominant Hyung to guide him.

“Didn’t you forget something?” He asked, Jisung’s eyes fluttering open confused and looking straight into his. As if realization hit him, he straightened up, mouth closing in a smile for just a second.

“_Please, Hyung_.” As if the words had pressed a button, Changbin snapped. Pulling Jisung’s head back until it rested against the car, nowhere to back out to. It made Jisung’s heart beat even faster, the position making him take everything without even the _possibility _to move away. He loved it.

As soon as his mouth opened again, tongue poking out, Changbin pushed forward against it. He slid the tip across the soft wetness, wiping some more precum off but not pushing in further.

Painfully slow he pushed his cock to the side, sliding across Jisung’s tongue but off to the side, wiping spit over his lips and cheek. He was getting his cock wet, making it easier for Jisung to completely engulf him later.

It was torture for the both of them, not quite enough friction for Changbin and definitely not enough for Jisung, who wanted to feel full, _stuffed _with cock. He was moaning pathetically, trying to beg for Changbin to finally push inside, but only being able to mumble _“Huuung, pweeease” _as his tongue was still pushed out.

After a particularly whiny moan, Changbin decided it probably was enough teasing and finally pushed the tip past Jisung’s lips.

He saw his eyes roll up once again, before closing and moaning around Changbin’s tip, sending beautiful vibrations through him. He let Jisung suckle on the tip for a second, until he felt his head moving forward, to try and engulf more of him.

Holding him steady at his hair, Changbin cooed at him, pulling his cock away with a satisfying pop. Jisung was outraged, mouth opening and closing like a fish in search of the delicious warmth.

“I know you are eager, Baby, but I can only give you what you need, if you’re good. So be good and look at me when you have my dick in your mouth.” Changbin said, moving his hand away from his cock for a second, to wipe away a drop of spit that was collecting on Jisung’s lower lip.

He took it to his mouth and licked the liquid off, tasting spit and his own saltiness. The view made Jisung, who now opened his eyes, moan in pleasure.

“I’m sorry, Hyung. I will be good now.” He so desperately wanted to beg for Changbin to finally fuck his mouth, to finally give him _something_, but he knew it would only get the older to tease him more.

“Good boy.” Changbin said, hand back on his dick and guiding it towards Jisung’s mouth yet again. Jisung shivered at the praise, hands pressing into Changbin’s hips. He knew if he kept that grip, he would probably leave bruises, but maybe that was exactly what both of them wanted.

Finally, Jisung’s warm wetness engulfed Changbin again and this time he didn’t stop at the tip, pushing in until he could feel resistance from the younger, who was moaning loudly around his cock.

Changbin buried both hands in Jisung’s hair now, head pushed against the car still and not able to move further back. He pulled out at an excruciatingly slow pace, making Jisung feel every ridge, every vein of his cock on his tongue.

The younger was sucking on him like his life depended on it, tongue swirling around the tip and along the vein on the underside. He could swear he felt Changbin’s pulse there.

The next snap of Changbin’s hips made him gag a little, not enough to make him tap out, but definitely enough to bring tears to the rim of his eyes. The sound erupting from his throat was deliciously dirty, wet and enough to make Changbin moan out _Baby _repeatedly.

His hips started to act on their own accord, pulling out until only the tip of his length was captured between Jisung’s lips and pushing back in as far as he could. At a slow rhythm he felt the resistance of Jisung’s throat become less and less, cock going in a bit further each time until he was completely engulfed by him, black curls tickling with each ragged breath Jisung took through his nose.

Changbin groaned loudly, massaging Jisung’s scalp, as he reveled in the feeling. Wet and warm and _perfect, _he never wanted to leave. He felt Jisung’s throat tighten around him, trying to push him out, but the boy wasn’t tapping out, hell, he was harder than he had ever been in his life.

Slowly Changbin pulled out, completely this time, taking in Jisung’s fucked out face. Tears had fallen from his eyes and spit was running down his chin, but he smiled and looked fulfilled and _happy. _

“Fuck, you are gorgeous, Baby. So good for me… How are you doing? Use your words…” Changbin was stuttering, he could barely hold himself back from pushing back in, but he needed to make sure his boy was feeling good.

“_So good… please more, Hyung._” Jisung’s voice was barely more than a whisper. Already raspy from having taken Changbin, but he loved that feeling. Loved his face feeling sticky and scalp burning from rough hands. He needed more, needed to feel his partner, needed to know he was being good.

Changbin smiled down, and pushed Jisung’s head against the car again, getting another moan. He pushed back in, not fully this time, and settled on a manageable speed for Jisung to have an easy time breathing.

What may have been manageable, was definitely not what the younger wanted, so he quickly used to grip on Changbin’s hips to push him in further and tried to set a fast pace, gaining a chuckle from the older who stopped _yet again. _

“Baby, you’re so eager. You want me to fuck your throat?”, he asked, voice raspy and deep, full of want. Jisung nodded, big teary eyes blinking up. “Beg for it, princess.”

At the new nickname Jisung’s head fell forward with a moan, quickly pulled back up by the hand in his hair. He looked shy now, trying to keep his gaze locked onto Changbin’s but finding it incredibly difficult.

“P-please, Binnie-Hyung. _Use me, please_. Fuck my mouth until I can’t think of anything but your dick anymore.” His face somehow looked so innocent, despite his words and Changbin went feral over it.

“Such a good little slut, telling me what you want, Baby.” Changbin growled already pushing back into Jisung’s awaiting mouth.

This time he immediately slipped in all the way, it was easier now, Jisung being used to his size and starting to moan around his length immediately. Changbin snapped his hips back and forth at a brutal pace after only a second of feeling Jisung around him completely.

His sounds were animalistic, growling and moaning and the slapping of his balls against Jisung’s chin. They were bouncing off the walls and he was sure even the lower floors would be able to hear it, secretly he hoped someone would come up and see just how good he was at ruining Jisung. The boy’s moans were all but a delicious vibration accompanying his thrusts and the slick sound of his throat was trapped between their bodies, a wet secret only they heard.

At this pace he was chasing his high, quickly feeling his stomach draw tighter and tighter with each thrust. Changbin moaned Jisung’s name under his breath, _princess, baby, perfect little slut. _They were falling off his lips like rain and he couldn’t stop praising him, _such a good boy, taking everything he’s given perfectly. _

Jisung was crying around his dick, the pleasure was nearly too much, his cock was throbbing in his pants, ready to explode at any second, but he wanted to wait, to be good. His throat was burning and spit dripping down his front with each thrust.

It was the best sex he had ever had. It was the best sex and he wasn’t even having _sex. _The only thing he wanted more than to finally reach his climax himself, was for Changbin to cum. He wanted to be shown how good he was taking him. How good he was swallowing him down and not choking anymore. He needed that _reward. _

It was soon that Jisung could feel Changbin’s hips stutter in between thrusts, cock pulsing and more precum running down his throat. He knew the older was close and wanted to make it perfect, so he pulled one hand off of Changbin’s hip, feeling the blood rush back into his fingers after he had been pressing so hard.

He traced the cold digits downwards on Changbin’s skin, leaving a burning sensation in their wake, that brought even more delicious moans from the man. Only when he cupped his balls, feeling the skin drawn tight over the soft insides, did Changbin start to lose his rhythm.

He was still thrusting relentlessly, but it wasn’t as aimed anymore, some thrusts now less deep and some deeper again. It made Jisung feel even better and he was ready to cum then and there.

Jisung knew how to press and twist and caress to make the man feel good, knew it would drive him crazy and finally over the edge.

With one last deep thrust Changbin pulled out, tip of his cock laying on Jisung’s tongue and with only a few pulls of his hand he came on his face. The first few spurts shot across his lips and nose, hitting up to his eyebrow and painting his cheeks.

As he pulled himself through the waves of pleasure, aiming the next spurts onto Jisung’s swollen lips and tongue, he could see the younger’s face scrunch up in the most beautiful way. Brows furrowing and sweet, high, broken moans escaping his lips as a sudden shudder overcame him, head lolling to the side but being held up by Changbin’s strong hand, still buried in his hair.

A few tears rolled down Jisung’s beautiful face, mixing with cum and spit and making a beautiful _beautiful _mess, as he came untouched in his pants.

Under the careful watch of Changbin he licked his lips, swallowing and tasting his cum. It was hot and everything Jisung ever wanted as a reward.

Changbin traced every spurt of cum that had landed on Jisung’s cheek with his fingers, collecting the liquid and pushing it beyond Jisung's soft lips into the wetness that had held his length not even minutes earlier.

Jisung moaned around him and slouched backwards after the last finger had been thoroughly licked clean. Changbin quickly pulled his pants up, not bothering to close them as he bent down and scooped the shaking mess of a boy up in his arms.

He opened the door to the backseat, holding Jisung up against his side and carefully laying down on the bench, pulling the small frame of the younger over himself, closing the door behind them.

Jisung immediately buried his face in Changbin’s neck and pushed one leg between the other’s. Both were still breathing heavily, body heat quickly fogging up the windows as they came down from their highs.

Changbin was caressing Jisung’s neck, other hand wrapped around his waist to hold him tight. He smelled sweet and fresh and _lovely _even with the underlying smell of cum and pure sex waving off of them.

After what seemed like hours of them breathing each other in, living in the feeling of their body’s pressing against each other Changbin decided to speak up.

“_Now _you technically count as a groupie, even though I’d rather say friend, but whatever floats your boat.” Was what came out, voice soft and warm flowing through the hot air.

“I think friend with benefits might be a bit more fitting.” Jisung’s voice was ruined. Low and raspy like he hadn’t spoken in years, definitely too fucked out to live up to its usual volume.

“_Fuck_, you sound so good. If I wouldn’t have had the best orgasm of my life only a minute ago, I’d go down on you so hard right now.” It was true, for the both of them, their orgasms being straight out of a fuck-fairytale.

“I could say the same, even though the situation in my pants is starting to feel a bit disgusting now.” At that Changbin remembered how his relentless thrusting and the absolute mess on Jisung’s face had actually made the boy cum.

“That’s so hot. I mean you cumming like that, not the cum-in-pants part.”, Changbin chuckled. “Let’s get back to the dorm and clean us and our clothes up. I definitely want to see these panties again on you though, but next time _only_ those.”

_Next time. _


	7. Something special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty bad, but I wanted to set the tone so that they can finally work everything out next chapter.
> 
> It's gonna get sappy and cute and spicy finally between Chanlix. 
> 
> I will try and upload it today too, thank you for your patience and every nice comment, it means a lot!! 
> 
> See you later...

Their journey to the beach was filled with laughter, loud singing and lots of looking forward to their night at the sea.

The few days until their take off had been spent exploring the city and playing games together, watching movies bundled up in Woojin’s room and just growing closer. Even Felix was opening up to everyone now, feeling accepted and actually appreciated in their group.

He was currently sat in the back of Chan’s car, squeezed between camping gear, blankets, pillows and cooler boxes next to Hyunjin. Minho was driving shotgun, a triumphant win against the other two.

Through the rear-view mirror he stole glances at Chan, admiring his concentrated face when he tried to keep up with Woojin’s car, his bright smile when they sang along loudly to another song.

Sometimes their gazes would meet, making Felix blush and turn his head to look out of the window, feeling like a child caught staring. It made Chan’s heart skip a beat, all of it. The small looks, smiles, the deep voice humming to familiar melodies. He was glad Felix was being more open, way less scared of speaking up and also not apologizing in every sentence anymore.

Even though they had left the dorm quite early, trying to not get caught in the traffic, the drive took a few hours, so when they finally arrived at the secluded camping place, they quickly fled from the car, trying to catch a breeze of fresh ocean air.

They had stopped next to a little shack, an elderly couple sitting in front of it, next to a weathered sign displaying tents and a logfire. When they noticed Hyunjin they stood up, making their way over to the group and greeting them wholeheartedly.

Hyunjin, despite only knowing them very briefly, talked to them as if they were his grandparents, familiar and loved. It was lovely to watch, lit up faces as he told them he had a roof over his head now and wasn’t living on the streets anymore.

The man quickly sat down again in the shade, sun smiling down hotly, even in the beginning of summer. 

After a short introduction from the boys, the woman made her way around the house, Chan and Woojin driving behind slowly with the geared-up cars. She led the group over crumbled asphalt that quickly made way for sand, onto the beach that spread out behind the shack.

It was a small piece of land, covered in white sand and framed by stones and signs that said ‘private’. The site was completely empty and even along the white line of sand that spread beyond the camp’s property not one person was seen.

The owner led them towards a white box poking out of the sand and gave Hyunjin a key. The drivers parked next to it in a way of caging in their particular site. Together they opened the white box with the key, seeing power outlets in all shapes and sizes.

A bit further back, where the sand was making way for asphalt again, a small house was seen, multiple doors leading in, showing that it held toilets and showers.

“It’s good you visit now, come back in one or two months and there wouldn’t be a free spot here. Some people just come for a beach day and still pay full price, tourists really are something.” The lady mentioned with a thick accent, further explaining the outlet system and toilets after.

Everyone was shocked, the place was incredible. The sand was beautiful, stones in-between breaking up the even surface, and breaching into crystal clear ocean water. The toilets weren’t particularly modern, but they were clean and amazing for something like a camping site. Even campfires were allowed, stranded wood already collected on a pile next to the toilet building.

Everything was beautiful and to top it all off they had to pay close to nothing. The owners would have let them stay there for free, just because they knew Hyunjin, if all of them wouldn’t have protested greatly and emptied their purses for the lovely couple.

After everything was sorted out the woman made her way back over the sand towards her shack that was hidden behind a dune and not visible from their spot.

In teams they assembled the tents, placing them in a half moon shape, so that they could put on a campfire in the middle.

Splitting the group into the tents also went surprisingly easy, Minho and Hyunjin nearly forcing Seungmin to be in theirs and Jisung happily choosing Changbin and Jeongin, leaving Woojin, Chan and Felix to team up.

They threw their belongings into each respective tent, blankets working as mattresses and pillows as dividers. Backpacks were opened to grab towels and sunscreen, before they decided to store the cooler boxes holding food and drinks in one of the shower stalls, seeing as they were the only occupants it wouldn’t annoy anyone.

Noon was approaching quickly, and the group finally made their way further down the beach, to the edge of the water, setting down towels.

Minho’s hands landed on Hyunjin without warning, slathering his back with sunscreen in an excuse to touch. Hyunjin was melting into it, exaggerated moan maybe a bit too much, but Minho enjoyed every bit of it.

Chan, Felix and Seungmin were sitting next to each other and eyeing them interestingly, shirts still on and not moving to do anything about it.

Woojin had taken it upon himself to rub the cream onto Changbin, laughing about an old story of when he had to peel crusty burned skin of the other’s back, fair Korean skin not made for the Australian heat.

They didn’t notice the envious side-eye thrown at them from Jisung, currently occupied with spreading sunscreen onto Jeongin’s shoulders and tickling the hell out of the youngest but still feeling that sting of pain in his heart on the thought of another man touching Changbin.

“If I wouldn’t know it better, I’d think this is straight out of some badly produced gay orgy porn.” Seungmin said turning to Felix and earning a smile and laugh.

“If you ask me, for porn there’s still too much fabric.” Chan gestured towards his torso, showing off the black shirt that was heating up extremely fast under the sun.

Felix laid back on his towel, propped up on his elbows and using Seungmin for shade.

“Maybe you should change that, just to fit in, you know.” He commented, happy at the big smile he earned from Chan.

However, he didn’t expect the older to immediately stand up and pull the shirt over his head, revealing pale skin and toned muscle. Shooting Felix a wink he threw the shirt at him, the fabric hitting the younger in the face.

Minho whistled from his towel, Hyunjin now massaging his back, and threw imaginary money at Chan.

“Yes, Chris, give us a show!” He yelled jokingly, laughter erupting from everyone.

_Chris. _The word sounded wrong to Felix, this was his Chan, Channie. _His. _

Chan had walked over and elegantly flopped to his knees in front of Minho, pointing at his back.

“Shut up and help me out here idiot, as if I’d give you a show for free.” He said.

Felix looked away after Minho covered his hands in cream and began massaging it in. He didn’t need to torture himself by looking and feeling the need to go over and do it himself. Chan had to admit he was sad to not have Felix’ eyes on him anymore.

Seungmin was laying down too now, hand draped over his eyes to avoid the sunlight and looking at Felix, who had nuzzled his face into the shirt Chan had thrown at him previously.

It was so painfully obvious. Eyes closed and face scrunched up in pleasure, taking deep breaths into the fabric and inhaling the smell. Seungmin knew Felix must have it bad, but he couldn’t bare to ask him about it, to put him on the spot like that, so he decided to avoid the topic.

“Felix, no offense, but I swear in the last five minutes at least a hundred new freckles have appeared on your face, you should really put some sunscreen on.”

Felix looked up at that, moving Chan’s shirt away from his face. He touched his skin, as if he could feel the new dots there and decided his friend was right.

He had just begun to apply sunscreen to his face, using his phone to not miss any obvious white spots of the liquid, as Woojin stormed towards the water. He was hissing at the first contact, the water being much too cold on his heated skin, but he forced himself to jump in completely, splashing his face to get used to it.

The others followed suit after, finishing their skin care and running in at different speeds, not used to the temperature of the sea.

Jisung splashed Jeongin playfully, opening a full-on battle with the others, that he quickly lost to Changbin, who triumphantly dunked him under water.

Felix had opened his button up, sliding it off, so that Seungmin could reach his back. He looked down at his arm, crusts still visible from where he had ripped the skin open a few days before. Seungmin noticed Felix’ gaze and coughed lightly, gaining his attention.

“It will burn when you go into the water, but it will pass too. You’ll be fine.” He said sympathetically, finishing up on his friend’s back and moving to sit in front of him.

Felix squeezed some liquid into his hands, rubbing them together to warm the sunscreen up, before applying it.

“It’s not even that. I know it sounds stupid, since everyone knows, but I’m still worried they might judge me.” He explained, rubbing the liquid into Seungmin’s shoulders.

That hit close to home. Seungmin had been debating on even going into the water, scared of the reactions he will get when the others would see his scars. Only Felix knew, and they bonded over it, but he doubted that would happen with the others.

“I feel the same. I try and be proud of myself, proud that I overcame it, but I still worry about the opinion of others.” Seungmin turned towards Felix now, slathering his chest with sunscreen. After finishing their skin care, both watched their friends in the water intently.

Jisung was still playing around, Chan and Jeongin and Changbin trying to catch him after he had splashed them once again. Hyunjin and Minho were closer to the shore, talking and touching maybe a little _too _much. Woojin let himself float around, simply watching the others like a parent looking out for their children.

“Maybe we should just get over ourselves and do it.” Felix mused, eyes locked on Chan, who was shaking his wet hair like a puppy.

“You are really becoming brave Felix, maybe we should.” None of them made a move to stand up, talking big but not doing anything they said. Sand was collecting between their toes, sun heating them up, but they didn’t move.

Chan stopped playing after a while, looking around to see that Felix still wasn’t in the water. He was still talking to Seungmin, but at least they had removed their shirts, a step closer to them coming in.

He raised his arms, getting their attention and waving wildly. “Come in guys, the water is amazing!” Chan’s voice was loud and rattled through the air, even above the wind and sounds of the waves.

Felix looked at Seungmin first, trying to read his expression, that was surprisingly concentrated, lip pulled between his teeth. He stood up first, slapping sand off of his trunks before holding a hand out to Seungmin.

The other took it and stood up, mirroring Felix and freeing his legs of sand.

“Okay then, let’s do this.”

When their feet touched the water, it was all too cold, goosebumps appearing all over their skin, highlighting the faint lines of their scars. They waded in slowly, holding onto each other as the sand parted underneath their feet.

In a greeting manner, the others swam towards them cheering them on jokingly, as if they had just done their first steps as babies. Hyunjin was the first to notice, nudging Minho and pointing at Seungmin’s stomach.

He didn’t want to be obvious, so he quickly pushed his hand back underwater, but the worried face of Minho showed him that the other noticed too. Faded pink and white lines scattered on Seungmin’s hips, religiously placed in a near geometric manner.

Before anyone else could notice them, or even care, Felix and Seungmin flopped into the water completely. Jisung immediately beginning a new splash war, quickly soaking their hair too.

Minho and Hyunjin chimed in quickly, after exchanging a last glance, full of worry and fear and _anger_, towards whatever had caused Seungmin to scar himself.

It was completely dark now, fire burning and everyone sitting around it. They had just finished their makeshift food, grilled veggies held into the flames by forks from the dorm, but it was surprisingly delicious and filling.

They had spent most of their day in the water, enjoying their first swim of the season and refreshment it gave them. Worn out from the hours in the sea they had laid down after, some napping and some talking, Seungmin even reading a book.

They tried to play beach volleyball after, realizing soon that whatever team Chan was on would win. So in unison it was decided to just play UNO and mafia until everyone had enough.

At dawn they finally managed to light the fire and cracked open into their first beers, actually still cold from the cooler box.

To say they were tipsy now was an understatement, laughs a tad too loud and mouths a bit too lose. It was their fifth round into ‘Never have I ever’ when things got spicy.

Seungmin just wanted Woojin and Chan to drink, trying to get the RA even more drunk and see how it would be.

“Never have I ever done something sexual with someone from the dorm.” He said, Jeongin giggling next to him at the first sexual question.

As expected, Chan and Woojin took a sip of their bottles, clinking their glasses together and laughing like idiots, since everyone knew anyway.

The shocking thing was, that even more people drank. Minho and Hyunjin, winking at each other through the fire and Changbin and Jisung, both more embarrassed and downing their sip quickly.

“Wait what?”, Woojin’s voice was higher than usual. “Under my watch? How dare you?” Of course, he didn’t mean it. As long as everything happened under consent and was safe, who was he to judge. It surprised him either way.

Minho, next in line, quickly tried to change the topic, staying sexual but away from this. Playing around with Hyunjin had been fresh and new and beautiful, he didn’t want the others to somehow ruin it.

“Never have I ever taken it up the ass.” He proudly raised his bottle and sipped, just like everyone else, except for Woojin.

Jisung saw Jeongin take a big sip and gasped. “Even this baby?” He asked pinching the youngest’s cheek.

Jeongin tried to push him away, laughing at his friend and trying to sound as sober as he could before speaking up.

“I’m an adult I can do what I want.” He said firmly, getting _awwww’s_ thrown at him from everyone else.

Chan tried to pick up the question and changed it up, only wanting to get everyone even more drunk.

“Never have I ever taken it up the ass and liked it!” Was what he chose, laughing, as if he had just done the most intelligent question of the evening.

As expected, the previous culprits sipped again, rolling their eyes knowing this was just to get them to drink more. Chan was the only one to notice how Felix didn’t drink.

The time went by quickly then, midnight approaching rapidly as the tide changed and sound of waves got more prominent.

Even with the fire burning down it was still warm, the first taste of summer in perfect time for Chan’s birthday.

They missed it by four minutes, laughing and telling stories having occupied everyone’s minds. Jeongin noticed when he snapped another pic with his phone, his storage must’ve been full by now, seeing as he had taken hundreds of videos and photos that day, memories for later.

With a curse he jumped up, sand flying everywhere and jumping at Chan, getting a yelp from him.

“Happy Birthday!” He screamed, arms around Chan’s body and quickly being joined by more bodies, tangling in a group hug around him.

Everyone congratulated him, Woojin kissing him on the cheek and Changbin and Minho hanging around his neck. Even for the first semester’s, who had only known him for a little bit, he was already someone special. Important enough to hug closely and nearly suffocate.

Felix was trapped between a very enthusiastic Jisung and Chan, basically mounting his back as he was pressed against the birthday boy, who was laughing wildly and falling to the side into the sand.

The group hug, or more of a cuddle now, lasted for a few seconds, everyone trying to get a hand on Chan and congratulate him.

They stayed close together after they entangled themselves, sitting in a bundle of bodies around Chan and chiming in to sing for him.

It was chaotic to say the least, Woojin trying to guide them with his smooth voice but being drowned out by Jisung, more screaming than singing.

The only voice Chan heard however, was way quieter than the others. Felix was still sitting behind him, close enough so that Chan could hear the low rumble in his voice, somehow beautifully smooth and rich, he wondered why Felix would choose dancing over singing.

As their chanting died down, everyone got their bottles, pointing towards the sky and toasting on Chan, on a new year full of success, a _“great fucking thesis”_, _“healthy hair” _and _“lots of good fucks”_, from Woojin, Changbin and Minho.

They made him do a speech, in which he overdramatically thanked Woojin for being the ultimate RA and best friend. It was more laughter than speech, more old stories and memories, but everyone agreed that it had been the best thing they had ever heard. Apparently, everything sounded better drunk.

Hyunjin retreated a few packages of marshmallows from his backpack after a while, handing them around and grilling them over the dying flame of the fire.

“We will have cake tomorrow at the dorm, for now those will have to do.” Woojin explained and it was great. More than enough for Chan, who didn’t need anything to celebrate his birthday at all.

He felt the happiest he had felt in a while, worries about his thesis finally pushed back with alcohol running through his system and the nicest people he knew around him. The only thing that could make this more perfect would be a beautiful pair of lips on his, that he couldn’t stop staring at.

When the fire died down completely, Minho and Hyunjin excused themselves to ‘take a shower’. At three in the morning, drunk and horny, for sure a shower.

Jeongin was slumped on Woojin’s shoulder, eyes falling shut every few seconds and the older wrapping his arms around him to keep him warm.

“This was the best birthday I had in years.”, Chan whispered, trying to not disturb the silence that had fallen over the beach. “Thank you all, for being here and for drinking with me and for just being awesome.” His voice wasn’t slurring the words, he wasn’t that drunk, but tired and tipsy the sentence came out long and difficult.

Felix, who was sitting between Seungmin’s legs, resting against his friend’s chest, was the first to raise his nearly empty bottle, downing the last luke-warm sip in one gulp.

The rest followed after, emptying their bottles and collecting them in the box they had brought to the beach.

From then Jisung lifted Jeongin from Woojin’s grasp, carrying the sleeping boy to their tent and saying goodnight to the others.

Seungmin also decided this would be his best chance at getting some sleep before Minho and Hyunjin would come back, so he quickly disappeared in the tent, leaving Felix as the only first semester among the others.

Deciding this was his cue too, with a heavy heart he said goodbye, hoping he would be fast asleep by the time Chan would lay down beside him in the tent. He couldn’t bear to feel him so close, they had spent every night together until then, but somehow his heart was yearning for more and he couldn’t bare give it. Being so close to Chan was pure torture.

Outside, Changbin stood up stretching his arms above his head, muscles tired from swimming and sitting uncomfortably in the sand.

“I gotta piss badly, but I’m scared to go to the toilets, Hyunjin gives me some freaky sex vibes.” He said turning to see where else he could relieve his bladder.

“He seems like that definitely. I have to go too, so let’s be disgusting and just piss somewhere like stupid drunk students do.” Chan stood up, following where Changbin was walking towards a bush that grew further back on the beach.

“We truly are disgusting beings, but whatever.” Woojin, quickly catching up to them, said.

It was true, peeing in plain sight of anyone wandering the beach and trying to aim as far as possible was disgusting, but they were drunk and in need.

Knowing each other for a while it wasn’t weird standing in a line, pushing down their trunks and letting go, but in a sober state it would’ve been way too awkward to pull through.

Chan felt brave, one hand on his dick to aim and other reaching out to nudge Changbin’s shoulder.

“So, you fucked Jisung? Already? How and when, I want details.” He asked, gaze forward again.

“Bro, I’m peeing here.” Changbin looked disgusted at Chan, stepping over at the sudden touch on his shoulder.

“Don’t _bro _him and spill the tea.” It was Woojin who was done first, shaking off any drops left and pulling his trunks on again.

Chan was next, now both of them looking expectantly at Changbin, who now stopped, dick still in hand and trying to process.

“You two are creeps.”, he pulled his pants up, turning around to go back towards the direction of the tents. “I’ll tell you, but don’t want to wake the babies up, so let’s go to the shore.”

_The babies. _As if they were the parents to a bunch of kids on a camping trip to the sea.

They grabbed their sandy towels from where they were still laying next to the fireplace and made their way to where the sand turned wet under their feet.

“I didn’t fuck him.”, Changbin began after they sat down. “Not yet.”

“Oooooh, so it’s something serious? Look at you thriving, Binnie!” Woojin’s voice was loud in the silence of the night and in their still tipsy states they all began laughing like children.

After their laughter died down, Changbin looked far away over the water, trying to compose his thoughts in the mess his drunk brain was.

“I wouldn’t call it serious. Well I don’t know to be honest. First I just thought it was a one-time thing, but when we cuddled after in the back of Chan’s car, my heart was racing so hard and I wanted to kiss him and shower him in affection, is that serious?”

“My car?”, Chan threw a hand of sand at Changbin. “I knew it smelled like sex, fuck you man, don’t use my car for that.” He playfully shoved Changbin to the side, trying to sound serious but only receiving laughter from the other two.

Ignoring the topic at hand, Woojin tried to answer Changbin’s question.

“Sounds pretty serious to me. You can do it with someone for fun and it’s good, but then cuddles feel awkward, right? So, it sounds like there’s more involved.”

“Do it? You sound like a teen too scared to say it out loud, so cute Woojinnie!” Chan cooed, pinching at his friend’s cheek and nearly poking him in the eye in the process.

“You shut up, you have the weirdest thing ever going on with Felix, so everything you say is irrelevant!” Woojin poked his tongue out at Chan.

“He’s right, what _is _going on between you and Felix?” Changbin finally turned his gaze from the horizon to his friend. He could think about Jisung at a different time.

Chan looked down at his lap, trying to get his head to clear up a bit by concentrating on the sound of the waves and the light breeze he felt on his skin.

“I think I like him? Like, I _like _him. And it feels like he does like me in the same way.” He offered, turning to see Woojin roll his eyes.

“We know. Everyone knows, it’s incredibly obvious.”, Woojn said, getting an approving nod from Changbin. “I’m glad you feel that way.” _I’m glad you got over me. _

“I-I know and I’m happy too, I’m so happy when I’m with him. He makes me feel so happy.”, Chan rubbed at his eyes, surely the burning sensation came from tiredness. “I just want there to be more. I want to kiss him and care for him. I want to make him breakfast in bed and wait for him to come home from class. I want him in _that _way.”

“Cute.” Changbin said.

“Domestic.”, Woojin whispered, hand reaching out towards the slumped back of Chan. “Why don’t you just ask him?”

“It’s not that easy. He told me things… Well he didn’t. But I feel things and noticed stuff and I think he has been hurt. He has been hurt badly and now he’s too broken to allow himself to open up.”, A tear rolled down his cheek. “This fucking sucks.”

Woojin looked at Changbin worried, trying to think of a way to help their friend. His hand was rubbing soothingly over Chan’s shoulders.

“Chan, I know you. You are emotional and calming and empathetic. If anyone can help him with whatever is going on, it is you.”, Changbin said, standing up. “I’m gonna try and catch some sleep. You should too.” He threw a last look at his friends before turning around, waddling back to the tents through the sand.

“He’s right. Felix obviously likes you. With time and your help he will open up. You two have something special and it would be a waste to just leave it as it is… Goodnight, Chan.”

With that he stood up, leaving his friend in his slumped position. Woojin knew Chan worked like that, thinking in silence for hours on hours and somehow coming up with genius things. He knew that he would solve this thing yet again.

Maybe he climbed into the tent a bit too loudly to wake up Felix. Maybe he wanted to help nudge them into the right direction. His best friend deserved it.


	8. A Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t leave me. Stay like this, please.” He whispered against Chan’s lips, not ready to part yet.
> 
> “I’ll never leave you, Felix.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was actually really hard to write. I projected my own experiences and feelings onto Felix and tried my best to portray them in an easy way to understand. I know everyone has different experiences, but this is mine and I hope everyone will be okay with it. 
> 
> If you like this chapter, please leave Kudos and comments, it really motivates me a lot!! 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and see you soon...

Felix was woken up from Woojin stumbling into the tent loudly, leaving the zip of the door open. He tried to fall back asleep as he felt the older’s breath become more and more even, light snores leaving here and there.

Somehow, he couldn’t manage to, the full moon much to bright through the fabric of the tent and thoughts way too loud over the sounds of the waves.

Trying to be quiet, he climbed out of the tent, glad to see no one else in the dim light of the moon. He turned to the sea, reflecting the light brightly and crashing in slowly to the shore. He could make out a figure sitting there looking out over the sea. The silhouette of the only person he wanted to see that moment.

Chan was watching the water move, foam building as the wave crashed in and he let his mind wander. He didn’t hear the faint footsteps in the sand, coming towards him. Was too far gone to feel the sudden presence behind him.

“Can’t sleep?” Felix asked, low voice ripping through the night air.

Chan whipped around, taking in the person behind him. His face was brightly lit in the moonlight, freckles more visible now than during the day, eyes a bit puffy from the alcohol and lack of sleep.

“Y-yeah.” Was the only thing he managed to say as Felix sat down besides him on the towel, shoulders touching.

Felix could swear he saw the faint lines of dried tears on Chan’s face. His hair was curling up from the salt water and messy on the top of his head, as if he had worried it greatly with his hands.

“Hi…” He whispered at Chan. His eyes looking deeply into the other's, feeling incredibly close. _Too close. _

“Hi…”, Chan answered, lips curling up into a smile. “You also can’t seem to sleep.”

Felix shook his head. Faded purple hair wading around him in the faint breeze on the shore.

They just stared at each other. Taking in every little feature on the other’s face. Felix had bitten lips, shining with saliva after he wet them with his tongue. Chan’s being dry from the sea air, yet still plush and plump and beautiful.

Felix’ lashes threw long, skinny shadows over his face. Chan had never noticed they were so long and full, perfectly framing those beautiful eyes shining like black diamonds.

It took everything he had to tear his eyes away, embarrassed at his obvious staring.

“The water looks so beautiful at this time, doesn’t it?” he asked, eyes on the dark waves moving back and forth into an abyss of darkness at the horizon, where water met the dark night’s sky.

Felix hummed approvingly, averting his eyes from Chan and looking into the distance himself.

Another few minutes passed like this, air becoming chillier but still not cold on their hot bodies. Chan decided he couldn’t bare this feeling any longer. Felix right there but somehow so far away.

He stood up without looking at the younger, tearing his shirt off of his body.

“I want to swim.” He just said, opening the button of his jean shorts. He pulled them off in one swipe with his boxers, now stark naked in front of Felix, who couldn’t believe his eyes.

Chan walked into the water, stopping at the sudden coldness on his body but wading further until he was completely engulfed by it. He turned around then, looking at Felix, who still had shock written all over his face.

“Aren’t you coming?” As if that was the only possibility, Felix following him into the water.

Felix felt his heart beat out of his chest, his mouth was completely dry and he couldn’t believe his eyes that had just seen Chan’s completely naked body disappear in the dark abyss.

His decision to follow his friend even surprised himself. Felix pulled of his shirt with shaking hands, letting it fall onto Chan’s.

The next decision took a bit longer. Felix was only wearing boxer’s as a makeshift nightwear, he could’ve just gone in with those, but Chan was completely naked, skinny dipping and Felix felt the need to do so too.

Chan was still turned towards Felix and didn’t avert his gaze, even as Felix pushed his boxer’s down with a sudden surge of bravery.

His body was nearly glowing in the moonlight, illuminated with a blue tinge and Chan would swear he had never seen anything more beautiful.

He couldn’t see Felix’ skin blush pink under the intent stare, his mouth falling open with quick breathes as he walked closer.

Felix tried to walk in quickly, composing himself for the shock the water would give him, but the temperature was even lower than he expected, wincing as the water ran over his feet.

He pushed on, tingly feeling all over his body as it was engulfed more and more, soon everything up to his chest covered in coldness.

It helped calm his racing brain, blood rushing through his body in extreme waves to accommodate to the coolness, but finally his head felt _cleared. _

After a few seconds Chan swam towards him, standing up to be face to face with Felix. They were close, but somehow it was as if miles parted them.

Felix was the first to reach out, hands grabbing at Chan’s forearms and stroking up lightly. His skin felt burning against Felix’ touches, fighting against the temperature of the water.

Chan felt even more goosebumps arise on his skin, body melting into Felix’ touches. He reached out too, hands falling on Felix’ waist under the surface of the water.

He could feel the breath of Felix hitch in his throat, heart racing and if Chan wouldn’t have felt the same, he would have been worried for the other.

Felix’ eyes wandered along Chan’s collar bones, up his neck over his Adam’s apple and to his lips. They captured Chan’s eyes soon after and before both of them knew it they leaned in.

One leg slipped between Felix’ instinctively as Chan closed the distance between their bodies, not caring if their dick’s were trapped weirdly between their bodies.

Felix reached higher, fingers tangling in the wet hair on the nape of Chan’s neck as their lips finally, _finally _connected.

They slotted together perfectly, Felix’ soft lips against Chan’s more rough ones, tasting like salt. It was innocent and short, parting after a few seconds of them being pressed together.

Chan pressed his forehead to Felix’, breathing in the same air momentarily.

They were both at a loss of words, chests heaving and heartbeat as fast as before. Chan’s arms had snaked around Felix, holding him close and steady as the water moved around them.

He just wanted to reposition his leg, trying to balance them more to not get thrown over by a small wave, when Felix noticed something between their bodies, hot and hard and unfamiliar.

He gulped when he realized what it was, somehow even the chaste kiss having had an incredible effect on him.

When he moved his leg, trying to ignore the situation, Felix moaned lightly, pleasure shooting up his spine as he grazed along Chan’s thigh. _He was hard too_.

He scrambled out of Chan’s arms, hands reaching for his erection and touching the hardness, unused to it and in a mix of pleasure and confusion.

“Woah Felix, what is going on.” Chan had been pushed back, now swimming again and not standing on his feet. Felix was trying to get out of the water as fast as possible, stumbling and falling as he couldn’t see the sand underneath the surface.

Chan followed him, when he didn’t get an answer, trying to ignore the worry that he had done something wrong. He couldn’t do much for his body and Felix seemed equally aroused, so he hoped it had nothing to do with _that._

“This is… fuck, this is wrong.”, Felix said when he reached the shore, panicking at all of those _feelings _he was experiencing. “Fuck, fuck, _fuck._”

Chan was already behind him, laying a hand on his wet shoulder and turning him around, trying to understand what was happening. Felix had tears in his eyes, biting furiously at his lip as he tried to calm down. Looking into Chan’s eyes seemed to help.

There was this calming aura Chan had, soothing and warm and Felix felt himself actually relax, as a towel was pushed on his body to dry him off.

Chan ran the fabric over himself after, before laying it down again. He pushed Felix to sit down on it and slumped down next to him.

Felix turned to the side, laying back now and not caring if he would be covered in sand later. Chan mirrored his movement, laying next to him on the side as they stared into each other's eyes.

They were still completely naked, erection long forgotten and not caring if the other could see them completely.

“Felix, what’s wrong. I know you need time and I want to give it to you, but,”, Chan tried to not sound as worried, to be relaxing and calm, but his voice betrayed him. “I want to be there for you, I want to help and I can’t do that, when you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

It felt like a punch to Felix’ gut. He knew that he needed to tell Chan, hell, he _wanted _to tell him. To get everything off of his chest and then to kiss him again, but it was so incredibly _hard. _

“It’s a lot and it’s difficult to say out loud and I don’t want to burden you.” A tear rolled down his cheek. Chan immediately wiped it away.

“It’s okay, Felix. I am here to listen and take that weight off of you. I can handle it, I promise. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to know and feel everything you give me.”

Chan was good with words, of course he was, having written and produced multiple A-list songs already, but this was more than that. There was this tone in his voice, this meaning behind Chan’s words, that soared through Felix, that made him feel even warmer in the cold breeze on the beach, and so incredibly _safe._

He took a deep breath, trying to collect every memory and to arrange it in a way another person could understand.

The memories made him feel sick to his stomach, wanting to crawl into a whole and die but he tried to remember his therapist’s voice: _In moments like that, concentrate on the task at hand. Don’t get lost. There is a later time to think about this. Now is more important. _

Now. Chan. He wanted to tell Chan.

So he snapped out of the spiral as best as he could, taking a deep breath and opening his eyes to Chan looking at him intently, but with incredible reassurance.

“Okay,”, he whispered, hand reaching out to intertwine his fingers with Chan’s for _some _stability. “I just don’t even know how to start…” He really didn’t. Chronologically it would feel wrong, starting in the middle would leave too much out.

“Hmm… maybe tell me what you meant by saying _‘this is wrong’_ earlier?” Chan began, taking in Felix’ expression as he rubbed soothing circles on the back of his hand with his thumb.

Oh. Felix didn’t expect to get asked like that, but it helped in trying to organize the things he wanted to speak out.

“I… I was really confused at my… you know…” Somehow the word _boner_ was too much to say out loud. Chan understood either way.

“Why were you confused? I-I was also surprised that we both had that reaction, but you nearly drowned trying to get away from me, so I was wondering why.” He smiled, trying to loosen up the air and the view was everything Felix needed.

“I was surprised, totally. I didn’t… I wasn’t…”, it was hard for Felix to utter. Extremely hard, but Chris squeezed his hand and smiled _so _sweetly, he managed to get it out. “I haven’t had a boner in a while… like a long while… like over a year, maybe even two.”

Chan’s eyes widened. How did that even work? Didn’t bodies automatically do that after a while of no arousal? He probably got off a few times a week and still got hard in between.

“How? I thought you had sex and stuff.” Chan asked, remembering how Felix told him he never topped before but used to bottom.

Felix felt his heart tighten but tried to keep his voice steady.

“Yeah, I did.” He said with a low voice.

It hit Chan like a train. Felix had sex, but he wasn’t aroused. He didn’t like it. He gulped harshly, ready to speak up, to tell Felix how sorry he was, but the other beat him to it.

“It began when I was sixteen. I had problems at school, so my mother got me a tutor. He was a few years older and studying at uni. I was young and he was the first openly gay guy I ever met so we talked a lot about that too. It helped me in a way. He…”, Felix had to stop at that point, trying to steady his voice that had began quivering. “He told me he was in love with me and I-I mistook being thankful for him for romance. I believed we were really in love and stuff. He took my virginity and at the beginning it was okay, I enjoyed it I think.”

_Okay_. Sex wasn’t meant to be okay, Chan thought. His chest had tightened during Felix’ story, palm sweating against where he was clutching his fingers.

“When I got better at school my mom fired him, but he kept visiting here and there. Just to fuck. He didn’t care if I was in the mood or felt good, I was just a way to get off. I stopped enjoying it then, but I thought that was normal, that sometimes it didn’t feel good. I only woke up when my best friend told me about her experiences. I think he manipulated me with his words and when I asked him about it he got mad. That’s the last time I saw him, in May maybe? I don’t really remember.”

There was a painful moment of silence, before Chan extended his arms and pulled Felix into an embrace.

The pain in his chest was incredible, Chan gasped for air but there just wasn’t enough to fill his lungs. Felix’ hair tickled the side of his face, where he was pushed into Chan.

He could feel tears fall onto his skin, could feel Felix trembling and he wanted to say something meaningful, wanted to make this easier for Felix, but he didn’t know how.

“If I ever meet that fucker, I’ll kill him. I’ll fucking punch his face in before he can say a word.” Chan wasn’t a particularly aggressive person but he spit the words out with complete hatred behind them.

Somehow, this was exactly what Felix needed to hear, Chan’s words making him chuckle through his tears.

“I’ll cheer you on from the sidelines, I swear.”, He joked, leaning back to look at Chan again. His face was still red of anger, but his features softened at the words. “You know what the worst part is?”

Felix felt something lift off of his chest with incredible force, feelings and thoughts flowing through him and it _hurt. _It hurt worse than when he broke his arm as a kid, worse than when his dad left, and definitely _way _worse than cutting his arms open. But somehow the pain soothed him.

Like fire used to scorch the edges of a wound to help it close up. It felt horrible and made his stomach turn but he felt _free. _

Tears were streaming down his face now, cries leaving his throat as Chan held him through it.

Felix was on his back, hands on his face to cup his eyes and Chan was besides him, pulling him to his chest and holding him close as horrible waves of sorrow shook his body.

“Th-The worst p-part is…”, he said between wails, choking on tears and spit. “The worst part is, I lost my virginity to him. I gave it to him for free and all I ever got in return was pain.”

His body was spasming in Chan’s arms as Felix wrenched through tears and cries. Chan used so much strength to try and hold him close, to pull his body tight together and stop the movements. He didn’t even realize he was crying too, tears falling down his cheeks like rivers, as he felt Felix’ pain so closely.

It took minutes for them to calm down, bodies heaving with ragged breathes. Chan managed to open his eyes when Felix stopped moving, grabbing his discarded shirt and wiping at his face to get rid of the wetness.

Felix turned to him now, face red and wet, lips and eyes swollen from crying. Carefully Chan wiped the tears off, one arm still holding Felix close.

“Thank you.” It wasn’t even a whisper, but Chan picked it up.

Despite having had the worst cry of his life, pain still throbbing in his chest Felix felt _good. _It was as if speaking his mind had freed him from a curse and everything seemed so much _clearer_ now.

His feelings were still confusing, but he could actually _think_ about everything now, fear not clouding his mind anymore.

“Thank _you_, Felix. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for telling me. Thank you for being here. Thank you, thank you, _thank you._”, Chan pulled him close once again one hand holding Felix’ head and stroking his hair lightly. “I can’t even imagine going through that and here you are, telling me and being so fucking strong.”

“I’m not strong… If I was strong that would’ve never happened.” Felix’ voice was weak, he truly believed what he said.

Chan got even angrier at that, pushing Felix back so they could look at each other again.

“Don’t say that. He manipulated and used you from the beginning, nothing of that was your fault.” Chan said with emphasis on each word.

“Chan, no. It’s my _virginity_. It’s a one-time thing that I’ll never get back.”

“It is if you give it that importance. My first time? Horrible, a girl from my class and over in a few minutes when my dick gave up. First time with a boy? Equally bad and he nearly shat on my dick. First time bottoming? As you know my partner didn’t even _remember_. There are so many first times and none of them do shit. It’s society and religion trying to press importance onto it and I don’t fucking want it.” Chan was sounding surprisingly angry at the topic, leaving Felix gaping at his sudden outburst.

“An asshole ruined your first experiences, but it’s not your fault. It's _not _your fault, and you can try to make new ones to see how _real _sex feels. It must be so hard to remember him and what he did, but I am here now and I’m ready to give you my all and to make new memories, sexual or not. I want to be there in every way you need it.”

Felix’ mouth felt dry. Maybe Chan was right. Did his first time really decide on his whole sexual life? It had dictated the last year of his life completely, every bit of need and arousal abandoned at the memories of what was happening to him.

Finally, his dick was waking up again because of Chan and what was he doing? Hiding behind his trauma? Shouldn’t he overcome it, work through the fears like his therapist told him _so _many times?

“Fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to freak out like that.”, Chan apologized. “I just want to show you how much I care about you and of course in _that_ moment my charisma seems to leave me.”

“Don’t apologize.”, Felix’ words surprised Chan. “I never thought about it like that. I guess you’re right? I’ve let him play around with me for long enough, it’s probably time for me to decide how to feel?”

Felix propped himself up onto one elbow, pushing hair out of his eyes with his other hand. Chan was looking at him with full surprise, in awe at the sudden mood change and spirit coursing through Felix.

“It sounds like you’re asking a question, but I think that’s your first step to regain your body.” He said, still gaping at Felix, who suddenly looked like a knight illuminated by the moon.

“You sound like a pinterest post, but I’ll take it.” Felix said, looking at Chan, suddenly realizing their nakedness again.

He let his eyes wander over Chan’s face downwards to where his skin pulled tight over trained muscle. He didn’t have bulky muscles, not scary and much too big looking. His abs were definitely firm and defined but somehow they looked inviting and smooth, sudden need to feel the ridges under his fingers washing up in Felix.

“Can I try something?” He asked breathy, Chan’s eyebrows furrowing in question.

He realized what Felix meant as his eyes kept following the lines of Chan’s body.

“You sure? I didn’t mean to pressure you into something.” Chan said propping his head up on his hand.

“I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t sure.”, Felix said, gulping, worrying suddenly that he scared Chan away. “I’m sorry if you don’t want to anymore.”

Chan caught Felix’ hand in his own, moving closer.

“I’m just worrying about you. You know that I’m ready and waiting for whenever you want me.” Chan brought Felix’ hand to his mouth, kissing every knuckle slowly.

Felix felt his heart nearly explode at that. His head had been spinning since he first opened his mouth about his past to Chan. But this, was different. The feeling of Chan’s lips on his fingers turned into a burning sensation surging up his body to his face and his heart and his stomach.

It lit him on fire, but this time not from the pain of bad feelings, no it was leaving happiness and _love _in his veins, that he never felt before. _This must be a what true love feels like_. He thought.

“Then let me try.” He said, nearly whimpering at the pure _need._ He didn’t know for what, for touches or kisses or words. For _Chan. _

The older’s heart nearly stopped, feeling the honesty in Felix’ voice. It leaped at him and went straight to his heart that had crushed on Felix anyway.

There was no need for the feeling to grow, but somehow it _did_, filling him up completely and making him smile like an idiot as he laid back down on his back.

“I’m all yours.” He whispered as he stretched his arms out over his head, acting as a pillow in the sand.

Felix moved forward slowly, stretching his arm out and lacing his fingers into Chan’s hair. It felt rough and grainy from the salt water and probably one too much session of bleaching.

He didn’t pull, simply touching at the scalp and moving downwards quickly, stroking his pointer finger along Chan’s cheekbone.

Chan’s hand reached out, wanting to touch Felix badly, but being stopped.

“Don’t… please. I want to explore first.” Felix whispered, hand stopping at Chan’s mouth.

It took everything in Chan to pull his hand back, wanting to respect Felix’ boundaries, but need to feel him close nearly all-consuming.

When Chan’s hand was back over his head, Felix continued tracing his fingers around Chan's lips, feeling uneven breaths leave them.

Slowly he moved further down, along his neck and collar bones, feeling goosebumps rise up all over Chan’s body.

Low moans were leaving Chan here and there, getting louder when Felix rubbed over Chan’s nipples, already hard.

Felix had his tongue poke out in concentration, drinking in every reaction, every little sound coming from Chan.

He had never touched someone else like this, never felt someone be so aroused under his hands. Felix absolutely loved it.

As he pressed his finger down, applying pressure to Chan’s nipple, the older moaned loudly, bucking into the touch with his body.

Chan never was vocal easily, but the soft inexperienced touches of Felix made him feel on edge, every bit of pressure going straight to his cock that hardened up by the second.

Felix was twisting Chan’s nipple between his thumb and pointer finger when an idea came to his mind.

He bent forward, pressing kisses to Chan’s chest, skin feeling incredibly hot against Felix’ lips. When he hovered over Chan’s other nipple, he could feel the other tense up at the feeling of his breath against his skin.

Sinking down and licking a stripe over it brought out a sound no one had ever heard come from Chan. It was rough and loud and made him bite his tongue trying to hold back more moans when Felix began to lightly suck on it.

Chan’s hips bucked up on their own accord, searching for friction in the cold air around them and Felix pulled away at the sudden movement.

Chan was glowing in a blueish tinge in the night, mouth pressed shut in an attempt to keep quiet and eyes fixed on Felix, who pushed his hands up again to rest it against Chan’s cheek.

“You’re really beautiful, Channie.” He mouthed, lips already back on his skin, licking around Chan’s other nipple now.

“Felix,”, Chan’s voice was _broken_, high, but still like caramel. “Kiss me. Please, kiss me.”

Chan had never pleaded in his life, but he also had never wanted anything more in his life. Felix made him feel _so _good and he was scared he would disappear like a dream if he couldn’t feel the younger’s lips on his soon.

Felix complied, kissing over Chan’s nipple and earning an annoyed groan. He pecked his way upwards, hand steadying himself on Chan’s hip.

When he arrived at Chan’s neck, he instinctively sucked on the skin above his pulse point. Felix licked and sucked and bit on the spot until he was sure he left a mark.

Chan was shaking underneath him now, he couldn’t hold back much longer and just wanted to finally feel Felix. He wasn’t used to not be allowed to touch, to not give back the touches he received. He absolutely loved the feeling of Felix' hands and lips on him, but he needed more.

Felix finally, _finally _arrived at his lips, breathing hotly against Chan’s skin and the older just couldn’t hold back anymore, lifting his head and pressing his lips against Felix’.

Immediately Felix went pliant over him, any tension leaving his body and melting into the touch completely.

Their lips slotted together perfectly again, just like in the water earlier. This time they didn’t leave it at a chaste press of lips on lips, Chan beginning to move quickly and exploring the way Felix felt against him.

The way his heart had picked up scared Felix at first, holding back kissing Chan as he felt pure electricity surge through his body.

He knew where the blood was gushing, feeling the need to moan at the back of his throat when he hardened up. The feeling was still unusual, very sensitive, tender at every touch, every twitch of his cock.

At some point he couldn’t suppress the sounds anymore, a high whine leaving him and opening his lips for Chan to enter.

The first time their tongues touched made both of them all but mewl. It was salty and wet and Felix didn’t really know what to do with his tongue, so he let Chan do the work, exploring the feeling.

Chan’s hand made its way into Felix hair, pulling lightly when their tongues met in particularly beautiful ways. For a second Chan was scared he was being too rough, going too far, but he quickly noticed how Felix whimpered into every pull.

They worked together perfectly, kissing easily and hands exploring on their own. Felix’ hand somehow dropped lower, suddenly feeling even softer skin poke at his arm, making Chan moan at the sudden touch.

Their lips parted at that, both catching air rapidly and looking into each other’s eyes. Even in the moonlight Felix could see Chan’s dark eyes being lust-blown, guessing his looked similar. Their lips were swollen from their heated kiss, Chan’s turning into a smile quickly.

Before Felix realized it, Chan had taken his smaller hand in his own, wrapping it around his dick. He blushed crimson, realizing he had never touched someone _else’s _dick with his hand, never before having been allowed.

It felt different than his own, the same way of hardness and softness at the same time, like satin wrapped around stone, but somehow completely foreign. It was definitely bigger, and realization hit Felix, that he hadn’t even looked at Chan’s dick yet.

Felix lowered his gaze, down over Chan’s abs until where their hands were wrapped around his length.

Impossibly, he blushed more, obscene view of Chan’s tip poking out at the top of their hands, red and hard, but blue hue of the night making it look beautifully soft.

“_Chan…_” He moaned, not knowing for what, but he couldn’t hold back. His head lolled to the side, resting on Chan’s shoulder.

“Felix, you feel so good.” Chan whispered, lips pressing in Felix’ hair and kissing the top of his head after.

Felix whimpered in response, suddenly feeling incredibly small and inexperienced under Chan’s touch.

Suddenly he could feel Chan’s cock move in his hand, twitching at the sudden noise coming from the smaller.

“What do you want to do, ‘Lixie?” Another moan at the use of the nickname. Felix felt a knot in his stomach, hips bucking up lightly in search of touches and final release.

“W-want you to feel good… Want to know how to make you feel good.” His voice was small and higher than usual, full of desperation and shaking in arousal.

“I feel so good, you make me feel so good, Felix.” Chan kissed the top of his head again, snaking his unoccupied hand around Felix and resting it on his hip.

Felix looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed and shaking his head lightly.

“You know what I mean…”, he began, pressing a light kiss to Chan’s lips for a short moment. “I want to make you cum... Show me how I can make you cum.”

Chan twitched again at that, closing his hand, and with his Felix’, tighter around his length.

“You don’t even realize how hot you are.”, Chan pressed another kiss on Felix’ lips. “I’ll show you.”

He moved his hand down slowly, the feeling of Felix’ fingers on him way more intense than his own could ever be.

Chan’s foreskin was pulled down completely now, making the movement easier as they stroked up again. A drop of precum pooled out, collecting in his slit and Chan nudged Felix’ thumb, trying to show him what to do.

Looking intently at their hands, Felix collected the drop and wiped it over the head, pressing into Chan’s slit lightly. Chan was panting heavily next to him, hand on Felix’ hip moving to the side and searching.

At the first contact of Chan’s hand on his dick, Felix knew he wouldn’t last long. It was foreign and different, but so _intense. _He never remembered his own hand feeling this way.

“Oh-_oh…_” little moans left his mouth as Chan began to move his hand in the same rhythm he was guiding Felix’, getting both of them off at the same time.

Despite the slow dragging of their hands, they were chasing their highs quickly. Felix, who hadn’t cum in a long time, quickly turning into a moaning and babbling mess.

Chan was mesmerized by Felix, riled up for a while and also feeling that familiar knot in his stomach tighten very soon.

He quickened his pace on himself, Felix hand now moving more on his own accord and not only being dragged by Chan, thumb sometimes rolling over his tip beautifully.

Chan did de same with his own hand on Felix, who was bucking up into his fist desperately. He was leaking excessively, making the movements easier for Chan, who was moving his hand faster by the second.

“I-I think I’ll cum… Channie, _please_…” Felix was a moaning mess, words barely audible through animalistic sounds leaving his throat.

At that Chan began to move his hips into Felix’ touch, creating more friction, to cum with him.

Sand was collecting on them, cool breeze intensifying their touches and waves barely drowning out their desperate noises.

It only took a few more tucks of Chan’s hand to make Felix shudder, first spurts of cum flying over his stomach. The scream ripped from his throat was what did it for Chan, following suit after and spurting all over their hands and onto his abs.

The sun was just creeping up on the horizon as they came down from their highs. Felix was still moaning, Chan’s hand on his cock being too much but also not wanting to miss this touch ever again.

Chan sat up first, pushing hair out of his face and Felix caught a glimpse of him in the sunrise. Orange light illuminated him, abs emphasized through long shadows and splattered in cum. A beautiful view Felix wished to capture forever.

Felix still had his hand wrapped around Chan’s softening length, letting go to feel a drop of cum flow over his fingers.

Chan took his hand off of Felix, the younger whining in protest as he was wiped down with Chan’s shirt, grabby hands moving to grab at Chan’s shoulders, pulling him on top of himself.

Their lips crashed together in a deep kiss, all tongue and hot breathes but less desperation, pure emotion now.

In an attempt of completely covering Felix, Chan climbed between his legs, hands in Felix’ hair and being pulled even closer by his neck.

They kissed like this for a while, basking in each other’s presence, feeling and smell, a sweet mixture of musk and salt and sweat.

The sun was rising quickly and scared that an early riser would surprise them, Chan interrupted their kiss, trying to lie back next to Felix.

The younger held him in place firmly, looking deeply into his eyes.

“Don’t leave me. Stay like this, please.” He whispered against Chan’s lips, not ready to part yet.

“I’ll never leave you, Felix.”

Chan made a promise to himself in that moment. Whatever Felix would need, whatever he would want, Chan would be there to fulfill his every wish. He would be there through every hardship Felix might face and be the reason for his beautiful smile to appear.

He would protect Felix from all evil.

Bending down he captured Felix’ lips in another kiss, sealing his promise as the tide slowly rolled in.


	9. Deliberate or Not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This doesn't feel as good as my usual writing, but I feel very much in a funk lately and still wanted to get something up.
> 
> I hope it's okay for now and I will make the next chapters way better, I promise. 
> 
> Until then...

Seungmin had been taking it for long enough. Pillows and backpacks being shoved into his direction and waking him up, wet noises disturbing the silence in the tent.

With a groan he sat up, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the darkness in the tent. He could make out movements that quickly stopped when they noticed him.

Annoyed, Seungmin dug his finger under the blanket, wading through the soft fabric in search of his phone. When he finally found it, he quickly turned on his flashlight, turning it to illuminate the tent.

Hyunjin was laying on top of Minho, staring back at Seungmin like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. The black hair on top of his head was tangled in damp strands, eyes near black and glowing in the reflection of Seungmin’s phone.

Under him, Minho was similarly ruined, hair fanning around him on the pillow and lips swollen from kissing. Seungmin noticed a line of saliva still connecting the two at their lips.

Groaning, Seungmin put his phone down, covering the light and drowning the view out. He was annoyed at them, not even for ruining his good-night’s sleep, but for not even _trying _to hide it. He wouldn’t even care much if they fucked next to him, if they would at least _try _to stay silent. Somehow however, their moans and mouths had created sounds that could only be artificial, as if they _wanted _him to wake up.

The worst part was, that Seungmin completely fell for it, his dick already straining against his boxers.

Apparently it was sunup, the tent letting in more and more light by the second and making the faces of everyone slightly visible in the darkness.

“Seungminnie…”, Hyunjin’s voice was too loud to the younger’s sensitive ears, so that it took him a second to get used to it and process the word. _Where did _that _nickname come from, all of a sudden? _“You woke up…”

No apology, no regret in his voice, just a simple statement of the situation.

“No shit, Sherlock. How was I supposed to sleep when you moan like _that _next to me?” Seungmin sat up completely now, blanket slipping from his body and revealing his crinkled shirt.

Through the dim morning light, they could make out shadows and forms more clearly now. Hyunjin noticed how Seungmin’s brows were furrowed in annoyance, and how he looked like a puppy that was too small to jump up on the couch where his favourite toy was laying. 

It was such a cute sight, quickly changing to something _more_, when Minho spoke up.

“You seem to enjoy it an awful lot, don’t you, Seungminnie?” He was reaching out from under Hyunjin, pointing at where Seungmin’s tip was poking out from the opening of his boxers.

Hyunjin’s mouth pulled up into a smug grin, but before he could say anything, Seungmin fixed the fabric of his boxer’s, covering himself up and stormed out of the tent.

The sun was up higher now, signaling it to be around six in the morning, maybe even going closer on seven.

Seungmin walked straight to the toilets, putting his phone next to the mirror and turning on the water of the sink to splash his face. It woke him up quickly, clearing his mind as he pushed his arms under the cold stream as well.

_Why was he suddenly getting hard at two of his friends making out next to him? Why did he feel a pang to his heart, wanting to touch them too? And why did they seem so smug and happy, seeing him getting riled up? _

Questions spun around his head, making him dizzy and his head throb even more on top of his hangover kicking in too.

When he stepped out of the building, the clear ocean air hit his face, cooling on his wet skin and making him shiver.

He walked over to his tent, now only muttering coming from the inside, to pick up his towel that he put there the night before and made his way over the sand.

The closer he got to the shore, the louder the sounds of the waves got and with them, he picked up other sounds as well. Laughter and giggling, low voices carried through the air by the breeze.

Seungmin looked up to spot two people sitting near the water, towel wrapped around their shoulders and heads pushed against each other. _Chan and Felix. _

The sun lit them up in an orangey-pink light, like a halo emitting around them. Seungmin felt his heart swell, Felix’ laughter now more audible as he was closer.

It was his true laugh, not only smiles and laughing to try and fit in. It was real and raw and surprisingly loud and Seungmin felt lucky to witness it.

He meant to turn around. To leave them alone and give them space, but the view captured him and before he knew it, Seungmin had unlocked his phone with damp hands and began taking pictures.

The camera made the sky look even more colourful and the stark contrast of the two bodies in the foreground made for a beautiful composition.

Seungmin had taken multiple, with different settings and looking forward to sorting through them later and maybe make them his background, despite how weird that must be.

His own problems were nearly forgotten and he felt incredibly happy for Felix, heart jumping with joy in his chest.

Somehow, he must’ve made a noise in trying to turn around, both heads turning towards him quickly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you two.” He said, scratching at the back of his head and feeling embarrassed. Felix smiled at him.

“You didn’t. Come here and sit with us.” Chan’s voice was vivid and warm and inviting and Seungmin immediately understood why Felix had fallen head over heels for him.

Chan’s eyes were nearly closed completely when his face lit up in a huge smile, teeth shining through and spreading happiness to everyone that saw. His hair had this natural shine, despite countless times of colouring and his body was built like the antique Greek statues, that were displayed in museums.

Seungmin definitely saw the appeal as he made his way over, not jealous and wanting Chan too, no, when he looked at Felix it was as if two pieces of one puzzle slotted together, making the perfect work of art.

“Can’t sleep anymore?” Felix asked, and Seungmin noticed how his voice was even lower than usual, slightly raspy as if he had been crying.

“Guess who didn’t let me…” He said, his own voice bright and soothing, despite the yawn pulled from his lips after.

“They were still fucking around?” Chan asked, arm now reaching out and pulling Felix’ head onto his shoulder.

It looked natural, as if it had never been another way. Freckles on pale skin leaning against now tanned skin in harmony. Purple hair under bleached-blonde in incredible unison.

“Yeah, they must be pretty hungry for each other.” Seungmin answered, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his head on them.

As happy as seeing Felix and Chan together made him, he felt a sudden emptiness in his chest, pictures of Hyunjin and Minho flooding his mind. Yes, Hyunjin _and _Minho.

It was strands of Hyunjin’s long back hair curling at the nape of his neck, Minho’s eyes twinkling up at him in a teasing manner. Hyunjin’s arms, long and slender wrapped around his shoulder as Minho’s voice filled his ears. He wanted them. More than sexual and more than one. He wanted them both, like Felix wanted Chan.

“What are you thinking about?” Felix’ hand was resting on Seungmin’s shoulder now, calming and grounding and warm in the freshness of morning.

“I think they are teasing me. They could’ve made out quietly, they could’ve chosen someone else for their tent. They send me these looks. Maybe I’m thinking too much into this, but it feels like they _are_.” His voice was trembling slightly, as if he was incredibly frustrated.

Chan and Felix exchanged a look and a quick kiss, before speaking up.

“You think they are into it? Like exhibitionism?” Chan asked, trying to put some sense into the situation.

“I don’t know, maybe. It feels more deliberate though. It feels deliberate and it fucks with my head.” Seungmin let his head drop between his knees, looking at the sand below.

Felix rubbed his shoulder soothingly. “You can see if they keep doing it. Maybe it’s just their way of being friendly. If you still feel this way in a few days just talk to them. It makes you uncomfortable and that’s not how friends should make you feel.”

_Uncomfortable._ That was the problem. It didn’t make Seungmin feel uncomfortable. Somehow, he felt flustered and found himself hoping that their advances actually meant something. Somehow, even though this might just be a kink of sorts, he wanted to get sucked into it completely.

After a while he pulled his head up, the sun now warming up the cold sand between their toes again and tickling their skin.

“By the way, Chan, you have a _huge _hickey on your neck.”

The blush creeping up on the older’s face, accompanied by a bashful smile and chuckle, was enough to push Seungmin’s thoughts to the back of his mind.

Felix was draped over Chan’s legs in the backseat of his car, snoring lightly and catching up on missed sleep.

After everyone had woken up, it was quickly obvious, that Felix and Chan were too tired to do much more. So they packed up their stuff, cleaning up the remnants of the fire and storing everything back in the cars.

Woojin nearly forced them to sit in the car and sleep already, saying that they would need the energy later. For what, Chan didn’t know.

The whole group was delighted at seeing Chan and Felix together, kissing and barely able to keep their hands to themselves. The butterflies even spread to the other’s, loosening up the mood and making their morning happy and fun.

They went swimming once more and played a few more rounds of volleyball, now without any advantages for Chan’s team. Only at the beginning of afternoon, when the sun began to burn a bit too much, did they part from the camping site and journeyed back home.

Changbin was driving Chan’s car again, Jisung excitedly talking to him about his favourite music program. In the backseat, Seungmin was squeezed next to Felix and Chan, typing furiously on his phone and planning _something_.

Even though it was a Saturday, the drive took less time than before, and they arrived at the dorm in the early evening.

Chan woke up with Felix in his arms, feeling stiff from his position in the car but still well rested. The others were already unloading the car and he quickly woke Felix up with a kiss and helped them.

Packed, they walked from the parking spot to the dorm, fighting their way up the stairs and dropping everything down lazily, once they were inside.

Dying to get their bodies cleaned of sand and sweat and tiredness, Felix stepped into the shower of their shared bathroom first, taking his time to get the stiffness out of his shoulders and salt out of his hair.

Changbin had showered with Jisung, so when Chan locked himself in the bathroom, everyone else made their way to the kitchen, ready for what was coming next.

“Okay, Sana just texted me that they have everything ready.”, Woojin began when Felix sat down. “We will all go over there now, except for Jeongin, who has to act like something happened and lure Chan over.”

“Why Jeongin?” Felix asked. They went over the plan a few times, Woojin had planned a surprise party for weeks, but they didn’t decide on a decoy yet.

“We needed someone who can play the part without ruining the surprise and Jeongin felt like the purest to do so. I also planned on you first, Felix, but now I’m scared he knows you too well and will know something is up.”, Woojin explained, accepting nods coming from everyone. “Then let’s go.”

They had closed the front door just in time for Chan to step out of the bathroom, combing through his wet hair with his fingers in an attempt to get the knots out.

He didn’t know Jeongin had an ear pressed against his door, waiting for the sound of Chan’s closet opening and closing, counting down a minute to make sure the other would be dressed.

He had to wait it out, Chan was talking to his family on the phone, laughing and thanking them for their wishes, before telling them goodbye.

After he was sure enough time had passed, Jeongin put his best worried face on, knocking on Chan’s door frantically.

When Chan opened it in question, he had just put some perfume on, the smell wading around him and into the hallway.

“Chan!”, pure panic was already audible in Jeongin’s first word. Every actor would be proud. “Something happened with the girls, everyone is over there, we need your help!”

Chan’s expression quickly changed to concern and he ran after Jeongin, who just pulled him out of his room.

“What happened? Is anyone hurt?” He was running around Jeongin now, slamming the door to their wing shut and sprinting over to the girl’s side. He didn’t even knock, simply ripping the front door open and running through the hallway.

“_Surprise_!” Confetti was exploding around him, everyone jumping out from behind the corner and crowding Chan’s view.

His heart nearly stopped in horror, not expecting the loud noise, but when he realized what was happening his face lit up in disbelieving happiness.

Sana was first to congratulate, hugging him tight and whispering loving words in Chan’s ear. They had been friends since they first met, understanding each other blindly and Chan was incredibly touched at her words.

After everyone had congratulated him, he was close to tears, still standing at the same spot as before.

“You guys…” He began, being cut off by Momo.

“We even have cake!”, She said excitedly, turning to where a somewhat askew cake was standing on the table, surrounded by presents. “Now sit down and be a good birthday boy.”

They managed to squeeze around the table, sitting on laps and in-between chairs, on edge to see Chan’s reaction to everything.

“This is too much, you shouldn’t have…” Chan began, again being cut off, this time by Woojin.

“Shut up. This is your day and you deserve only the best, now blow out your candles and wish for something.” His voice was demanding but he was laughing, knowing that Chan would keep telling them that there was no need for any of this.

Chan looked around, eyes landing on Felix and he gave him a dimply smile, closing his eyes and blowing out the candles on his cake.

He of course didn’t tell them his wish, but he was sure to send Felix another smile after.

Sana was the first to press a small envelope into his hands, resting her head on her hand, propped up by her elbow on the table.

As Chan opened the envelope, a long object fell out, metallic sound erupting as it hit the table. He picked it up, the material coldness against his fingers and realized what it was.

A bracelet, black slim leather bands holding a slender silver tag.

_All the things that bother you, all the things that hurt you. _

“Turn it around.” Sana’s voice was soft.

_Bring them to me and trust me with them._

Chan looked up at her, now tears definitely burning in his eyes, as he remembered the times they were sitting together for hours into the night, writing these lyrics, recording Sana singing them with an unsteady voice.

He tried to cough the tightness in his throat away, wiping on his eyes before hugging Sana and pulling her close.

Felix watched as he whispered thank you’s into her ear, the picture of them being so close somehow stinging in his chest but he felt happy. Chan deserved friends like that, who give him thoughtful gifts and love and know him best. It made Felix worry, that he would never come close to that, he didn’t even have a special gift for Chan and he was sure sooner or later Chan would realize how horrible of a friend Felix was.

“We get it, you two love each other,”, Woojin interrupted, hurt flaming up in Felix’ chest. “But I want you to open ours too, Chan.”

Sana, pushed Chan back to his seat, smile wide on her lips and eyes wet from the sweet words of gratitude he had told her. She quickly wrapped the bracelet around his wrist, knotting it tight, so Chan wouldn’t lose it.

The next present was basically pushed into Chan’s hands then, yellow and red striped paper wrapped around a pretty big flat item. Maybe a book or picture frame of sorts.

Ripping into it and tossing the paper to the side, it was clear to be the latter, a big black frame holding a golden record. On a little plate under the vinyl it said:

Presented to: _Chan, our friend who we know will be with us forever_.

_One day you will get one of these for real, but for now we will give you this one, so you can always remember your dorm-mates. Listen to it whenever you feel alone. _

Around the vinyl a lot of notes were scattered, everyone in the dorm had signed, and even some of his friends that had graduated the semester before. The thing that stood out most to Chan, was a little heart above Felix’ name.

“We recorded something for you. It’s not as good as if you would’ve done it, but I tried my best. It’s not much but there’s lots of love that went into it, so…” Changbin began to explain, Chan cutting him off midway.

“You guys are too much. I can’t believe you would even get me this, let alone actually record something for me. I don’t deserve you all.” Chan hated how presents made him feel. He knew his friends loved him, there was no need for them to spend their money and time on him, but he was moved to his heart by the whole dorm coming together for him.

“Oh, shut up. Just let us give you something for once, _geez_.” Woojin said, smiling at his friend and trying to stop the other from feeling bad.

Chan bit his tongue and stood up to hug each and every one of them. Maybe he hugged Felix a tiny second longer, but no one would care, right?

“Let’s get to the cake-eating, _pleeeease_. We don’t want to get to the party late, do we?”, Jihyo said from the end of the table, making Chan look at her in question. “Today is the semester opening party and we thought it would be perfect timing for your birthday… Of course you can stay here and do something else.” She looked at Felix for a split second before smiling back at Chan.

Felix felt his skin burn up, eyes scooting to the ground away from everyone and missing Chan sending him a worried look.

They cut up the cake after, talking about the beach and how they all should go together at some point. Despite the slight leaning look of the cake, it tasted absolutely delicious, the girls of the first semester having made it, despite not being that close to Chan yet.

After everyone had one, or a few pieces of cake, they stored the rest of it in the fridge, readying themselves to go to the semester opening party. It took a lot of consideration for Chan, but at some point in his birthday happiness haze, he decided it would be easiest to simply ask, so he walked over to where Felix was talking to Seungmin and Sana.

Plopping down next to him and laying an arm around Felix, he sent his best friend a look, signaling to give the two of them some space. Sana quickly distracted Seungmin, talking about how his skin looks _so _smooth.

“So, do you want to go to the party?” Chan knew this question was implying way more than just going there and he was sure Felix realized too, by the way his posture stiffened slightly.

“Yes.”, Felix voice was low, trying to not gain anyone’s attention. Chan couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit disappointed, quickly smiling and ready to cover it up. “But maybe we can go there a bit later…”

Chan looked at Felix with a raised brow, reading his face and noticing him even licking his lips seductively.

“What do you have in mind we can do before?” He didn’t mean to tease, but Chan’s voice betrayed him. Felix blushed furiously, but thankfully was saved by Seungmin.

“Before you do whatever that is, I have another present for you. For both of you.” He said.

Felix looked at him confused, if this would be a dildo, he would slap Seungmin with it _so hard_.

The shape of what he placed in Chan’s hands made Felix sigh in relief. Rectangular and flat, definitely nothing of _that _sort.

It wasn’t packaged, so Seungmin had handed it to Chan with the wrong side up, clear that it would be something in a picture frame. Felix scooted closer to take a look.

When they turned it around, they couldn’t believe it, looking at Seungmin in shock. It was a picture of them, sitting on the beach that very morning, illuminated beautifully by the morning sun.

“I couldn’t help but take a picture. You two looked so beautiful, I needed to keep that forever.”

“He sent it to me earlier and I had an odyssey trying to get to the print store before it closed, so you better appreciate it.” Sana laughed, clearly joking.

Chan couldn’t believe it once again. How people would do something like that for him. Felix was fixated on the picture, he didn’t even realize it was them at first. They looked so peaceful, perfect, as if they were meant to be. He didn’t even know he could look like that.

“Seungmin…”, Felix’ voice nearly cracked at the end. “Thank you.”

They embraced each other close, Felix feeling so thankful to have that connection to his friend. Chan quickly pushed his arms around them too, whispering _thank you_ as well.

Sana pet Chan’s head like a puppy’s before pushing her head into his neck.

“I’m so happy, Channie. You look so happy with him. I’m glad you two found each other.”

Her voice was honest. It was so visible to everyone how good they looked together, not because of their looks only, but because of how their eyes lit up every time they saw each other, how they smiled and blushed and touched each other.

After what felt like ten minutes of Chan thanking them, Sana made it her mission to get them out of the dorm, Jisung bouncing down the stairs with Jeongin, obviously ready for the party he so dearly wanted to attend at uni.

Chan and Felix excused themselves to ‘get a few more minutes of sleep for the party’ and ushered into Chan’s room. Of course everyone knew, but deciding to go easy on Felix no one commented on it, taking a note to drink some shots on them when they would come to the party later.

When Chan locked the door behind them Felix felt his heart drop.

_They would really do this now, huh._


	10. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If there’s something you want to try, you can always ask me, Felix.” He uttered after a minute of silence. Felix’ next words had him breathless yet again.
> 
> “Could I… Could I try something now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long. My mental health is keeping me away even from the things that make me happy, like writing and it makes me feel guilty and even worse and then it's just a circle of madness. 
> 
> I hope everyone can understand my abscence, I will try and upload more regularly, but I can't promise it. 
> 
> This chapter is a little bit longer, so I hope it makes up for the wait. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and see you soon...

“I’m not going to sleep with you, Felix.” Chan said with a stern yet calming voice, taking a few steps towards the other.

Felix had looked like he was about to be sick from the moment they walked in and now next to that there was a hint of disappointment noticeable on his features. Protectively Felix wrapped his arms around himself and tried his utmost to swallow down the knot in his throat.

“B-but it’s your birthday…” He commented weakly, voice hoarse and deep. Chan came to stand in front of him then, hands snaking under Felix’ where they were clutched around his torso and opening his arms, trying to hold the boy’s hands to reassure him.

“Exactly, and I don’t want to guilt you into sleeping with me, just because of that. You looked horrified when we walked in here, and I am not going to traumatize you even more, I could never hurt you like that, Lixie.” Chan tried to intertwine their fingers even more, thumbs drawing soothing lines on the back of Felix’ hand.

“I-I mean… I want to. Sleep with you and all.” Felix wished his voice wouldn’t have trembled in the last part, that the words would somehow make this easier. They didn’t.

“I know, and I want to too, but I don’t think we are quite there yet. I mean we only met this week and we just confessed this morning… It’s not like we have to rush, we have all the time in the world.” And Chan meant it with all of his heart. As much as he wanted to have sex with Felix and show him how good it could be, he also wanted to finally make this right, to really have a relationship, beyond sex.

“Channie… I-“, Felix didn’t know where the tears suddenly came from. No one had ever said something like that to him and it meant the world. “Thank you.”

“Shh, baby, no need to thank me. This should be how it works, only going further when you’re ready and not when one partner feels like it.” Chan has brought one finger up to Felix' face and wiped away the stray tear making its way down.

“I feel like it though!”, more than sad, Felix sounded frustrated now, turning around and stomping over to Chan’s bed to plop down on it. “You’re hot and turning me on and I want to feel you, but as soon as I really think about it my heart starts beating and I nearly hyperventilate, and I hate it. I hate that I can’t even do the simplest things.”

He didn’t care that he was growing louder and louder, finally making his way over the sadness and embarrassment to pure anger. Chan couldn’t help but chuckle at it, when Felix sounded so angry but sniffled in between words, huffing his lip out like a puppy.

“Felix, that’s completely fine though! I’m glad you feel that way about me, but it’s totally understandable how you can’t give me your all yet. We will take it slow and ease into it, until we both feel good about everything.” Chan sat down next to Felix during his words, taking the other’s hands in his again and smiling encouragingly.

Felix was so incredibly thankful for Chan, that he seemed to understand and tried his best to accommodate him, but something in his heart hurt at Chan’s words, making Felix feel like he wasn’t enough, that Chan would inevitably leave him because of this.

“I’ll stay by your side for as long as you want me to and having sex or not won’t change that. I’m interested in you for _you_, Felix, not just for a bit of fucking around.” Chan said as if he could read Felix' mind. He completely meant it. With every ounce of his being did he want to make Felix see the great in himself, the things that others could see but to him were invisible, unthinkable even.

“I think I’m falling for you…” Felix couldn’t help his words, not when Chan was so sweet. They only knew each other for a short time, but this felt like they have known each other forever, that something pulled them towards each other, and it felt _good_.

“Lixie…”, Chan couldn’t help a small giggle to leave his mouth. “I think I already have fallen hard.” He was chasing after Felix’ head, trying to get him to look at him again, to get a glimpse of his cheeks flushing red and his eyes twinkling with a smile.

Chan got even more than that. He didn’t only see Felix, he got a full handful of him, jumping on his lap and pressing his lips against Chan’s.

Naturally Felix' hands found their place around Chan’s neck, playing with his hair and gripping into his muscles. Chan’s fingers immediately clutched around Felix' waist, holding him up and close in his lap.

This kiss was different again. Neither tame nor passionate, just _new_. Everything felt new between them and the shy smiles during the kiss, bumping noses and awkwardly catching air together made it feel right.

They were only getting to know each other, and this was enough for now. Just learning about the other, acquainting themselves with their bodies and finding happiness within it all.

It might have been the closest thing to perfect Felix had ever felt.

After a long time of kissing they ended up tangled together in the bed. Felix’ pushed his head into the crook of Chan’s neck, who began to press feverish kisses to Felix’ hair.

“You smell _really _good.” Felix mumbled against Chan’s skin, tickling him and making him giggle above him. Music to Felix’ ears.

“It’s my cologne…” Chan said smiling, in turn taking a deep breath of Felix scent as well, sweet yet fresh and _Felix_.

“No, that’s not what I mean.”, Felix clarified, pushing himself up on his elbow to look at Chan. “_You _smell good. The perfume is nice and all, but you just smell warm and sweet and like nothing else. I love it.”

Sappy. Felix sounded sappy to his own ears and he had to hide his face again, Chan’s grin too much to handle in that situation.

“Baby… look at me.”, Chan said sweetly, trying to push Felix’ head into his direction. When that didn’t work he brushed his fingers against Felix’ stomach, voice mischievous. “Look at me.”

Again, Felix didn’t comply, just pressing his face further into Chan’s arm. Torturously, Chan began tickling him, running his fingers all over Felix’ torso and making the other nearly combust, wiggling around like a worm and gasping through laughter at the feeling.

“S-stop, please, stop!” He giggled, trying to wriggle out of Chan’s grasp but going nowhere against the strong hold of his arms.

As much as Felix hated the feeling of getting tickled, he enjoyed this. Being caged where Chan wanted him and nowhere to go. It made him feel close and _safe_ in a peculiar kind of way.

Chan laughed at Felix’ pathetic attempts of freeing himself, only pinning him in place more and letting his fingers do the work. He didn’t expect Felix to simply stop fighting against it after a few seconds, and he definitely didn’t expect his laughter to be interrupted by a small moan.

It made Chan stop in his tracks, Felix breaking free and clutching his hands over his own mouth. That did not just happen, did it?

Chan was quick to pull Felix' hand away, nothing to his strong arms, and for a split second he could see lust wash across the other’s face, before embarrassment took its place.

“I’m s-sorry.” Felix said, voice hoarse from laughing and something else, something he would never admit to.

“I told you to stop apologizing all the time.”, Chan said mildly, changing his position so one of his legs is over Felix’ now, making him tower above him and hold him in place. “Did you like that?” He asked much sweeter then, pecking Felix on the lips quickly.

“No, I hate getting tickled.” Felix answered truthfully, hoping Chan would just drop this topic altogether.

“You know what I mean…”, To prove his point, Chan took Felix’ hands into his with a quick motion, pinning them down next to his head. It got him the desired reaction, Felix having to bite down another moan. “You like getting manhandled.”

“I-“, Felix’ face felt hot from embarrassment. “I don’t know. I mean… I just… you’re strong…”

He knew he didn’t make any sense, some part of him just wanted to run away and never see Chan again, the other was too transfixed on the other’s face to even think of leaving.

“I know.”, Chan said, making Felix smile at the vainness of it. “We can just see if you like it or not. If not that’s totally fine and if you do, I’m glad to give it to you.”

Felix felt his heart swell. Chan was so open and up to anything Felix would want to do. Before, he always felt like a puppet for someone else’s pleasure, could it really be that for once, someone wanted _his _pleasure?

“It’s not like… like I want you to punch me or something. Or that I want to see you do push-ups… I mean honestly I do.”, Felix mused concentrated, trying to voice his thoughts. Chan laughed lightly at that. “When you hold me down like earlier, or now with your leg it…” He furrowed his brows, biting his lips and trying to find the right way to say it.

“It makes you feel good?” Chan tried, wanting to make this as easy for Felix as he could.

“Not only good, it makes me feel _safe_. I never felt this way with someone else.” This time Felix didn’t hide away, standing strong under Chan’s gaze full of admiration and softness and a hint of something Felix couldn’t quite grasp.

“You deserve so much better, Felix. I will show you how good it can feel to be close to someone, emotionally and physically. If you want me to, of course.” Going by Felix’ face lighting up and the pure emotion in his eyes Chan could guess that he wanted him to, but he made sure to get every bit of consent he could.

Even if this thing wouldn’t last, if they would not work out or Felix eventually would find someone better, Chan would make sure to show him real love before.

“I bet you can make me feel good,”, Felix cringed at his words, not meaning for them to sound _that _way. “B-but, I want to make you feel good? Like, I never really even touched another man. What we did this morning was the furthest I ever got to go…”

At that, Chan felt the anger come back stronger than ever. How could someone use Felix like that and not even give him the chance to touch and try things out? How could someone ruin a boy who is clearly inexperienced in such a horrible way?

“Lix, you make me feel _so _good.” Chan assured quickly, being interrupted by the younger with a huff.

“Channie, you know what I mean…”, He said determined, bending forward to press his lips next to Chan’s ear. “I want to know what makes you feel good and I want to be the one doing it.”

Felix didn’t know where that sudden confident boost came from, he never had tried to sound alluring before and it kind of felt weird, but given Chan’s reaction it was more than worth it. The older’s mouth opened and closed a few times, brain working to find words, because he did not expect Felix to be saying something like that.

“If there’s something you want to try, you can always _always _ask me, Felix.” He uttered after a minute of silence. Felix’ next words had him breathless yet again.

“Could I… Could I try something now?” Felix looked down shyly, very much aware of confusing his mood swings must be. He let his chin be pushed up by Chan’s finger, eyes locking together immediately.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel like you have to, just because it’s my birthday.” Chan wanted Felix to touch him, to do something so badly, but he surely didn’t want it to be out of guilt.

“I swear, Chan, I want this. Please let me.” Felix cupped Chan’s cheek with his hand, keening at how the other immediately pressed into the touch, face moving sideward to press a kiss to his palm.

“Okay, Lixie. I’m so lucky to have found you.”, Chan pressed another kiss to Felix’ palm. “What do you want to do?”

Felix felt his face heat up again, suddenly this seemed like it would be too much, like it could make him explode the second he goes down to explore Chan’s body.

“I never… I mean I touched _myself _there, but never someone else and… I mean I don’t even have really seen someone else’s…” Felix looked like he is about to faint, face beet red and stuttering with every word. Chan was so smitten by the look he didn’t even try and process it.

“Felix, you don’t have to be scared with me, just tell me what you want. Please.” He added the last bit after a few seconds, not wanting to unsettle the other even more.

“It’s really hard, Chan...” Felix sounded desperate, trying so hard to get over himself.

Instead of an answer Chan rolled on top of him, straddling the smaller boy and kissing him deeply. He pinned Felix down like this, making him breathless and loose every train of thought. Remembering Felix’ earlier words, Chan made sure to hold him tight, trying his best to make him feel safe.

They parted panting, kiss-swollen lips and the taste of the other on their tongue. Felix’ eyes were dark, and he felt himself getting aroused, trapped in his pants and under Chan’s body. He could feel Chan was similarly affected.

“What do you want, Felix?” Chan tried again, raking his hands up Felix’ sides and making him nearly loose his mind.

Felix only managed to clamp his finger in the fabric of Chan’s shirt, ripping and pulling, desperate to get it out of the way.

“You want this off?”, Chan asked smirking, knowing full well it was what Felix wanted. Only a second later Felix shyly nodded, biting his lips and trying to hold back the needy sounds automatically coming from his throat. Since when had he been this vocal? “Use your words, baby.” Chan urged him on.

This tipped Felix over the edge, a desperate whine leaving him and making him even more flustered.

“O-off… Want to see your body.” Felix’ voice was unusually high, vocal chords not able to keep up and the sound breaking off at the end. Chan completely melted at it, immediately complying and sitting up, pulling off his shirt.

Felix scrambled to sit up with Chan straddling his lap, trying to get closer and be able to see every little stretch of skin. He inspected the bruised red and blue mark he had left on his neck that morning, completely amazed that _he _did that, never as much as even having kissed someone else’s neck and now he’s already leaving love-bites all over Chan.

“Lixie…”, Chan sounded weirdly shy. “I want to see you too, can I?” His fingers played around with the hem of Felix’ shirt and as soon as he got the approving nod from Felix, he pulled the fabric up and over his head, throwing it carelessly behind himself.

Felix quickly pressed his lips to Chan’s collar bone, licking and biting and making mare of those pretty bruises that only he could give Chan.

The other simply basked in the feeling of Felix so close and his lips so soft against his skin, before he began roaming his fingers over his soft skin, digging his nails down here and there just to feel Felix’ reaction.

Much to Chan’s surprise Felix all but licks down his chest until he reaches one of Chan’s nipples, kissing lightly around it and then sucking it into his mouth, biting and licking and leaving Chan moaning and grasping for anything to steady him.

“_Fuck Lixie_, where does this suddenly come from?” He groaned, one hand reaching up and tangling into Felix’ hair to pull him back carefully, making him look up.

It was a sight to behold, lips plush and shining with spit, eyes glowing and freckles standing out beautifully against pink skin. If Chan hadn’t felt smitten before he was sure this was the point where the butterflies in his stomach really exploded.

“Does it feel good? I guess it’s a girl thing, but it was just so inviting, this morning too…” Felix mumbled and looked up into Chan’s eyes, so full of emotion and wonder it might have made him tear up a bit. What was it with this emotional rollercoaster all of a sudden?

“It’s _not _just a girl thing.”, Chan emphasized the words, hand moving so they were in between their bodies, grazing over Felix’ chest. “Can I?”

Shyly Felix nodded, leaning back a bit to give Chan more room. It felt weird to present himself like that, to have someone else’s hands on him, but it left a fiery sensation in each touch and made Felix yearn for more.

Chan pressed down lightly at first, testing the waters, because maybe Felix wouldn’t enjoy this sensation. Much to his delight he could feel Felix bend into it only a few moments later, deepening the touch as his eyes closed in concentrated arousal.

Equally concentrated, Chan had his tongue poking out from his lips, trying not to miss any little reaction Felix would give him. When he finally moved his thumb and index finger to press around his left nipple a shudder rips through Felix, spurring Chan on.

He pressed down harshly but deliberately, knowing it would feel good after the first instance of light pain.

And feel good it did.

Felix moaned loudly, his hips bucking up into Chan and giving both of them some friction, more moans quickly spilling out.

At the reaction Chan couldn’t help himself but continue, pushing Felix back into the pillows and moving down, one hand tweezing his right nipple and the other being engulfed between Chan’s teeth, tongue smoothing over it.

The feeling was so different, Felix felt like he could get lost in it forever, a mix of stinging pain and delicious pressure sending bolts of lust right to his middle and wanting more, more, _more._

As much as he liked it, he wanted to touch Chan, trying to reach for the other’s chest but not able to in the position Chan has him trapped in.

“_Channie_, wanna touch.” He whined and quickly felt his nipples be released, now red and puffy and hurting in the best way. Chan pecked him on the lips once before sitting back up, trying to catch his breath and calm his raging erection just a bit.

“Sorry about that, got kinda carried away.” he quickly apologized, making Felix shake his head.

“It felt really good, Channie. Too good actually.”, Felix sheepishly turned his head, trying to hide his slight embarrassment at just _how_ good it felt. “I wanted to try something else though…”

He left it hanging, just looking at Chan and taking in the beautiful way in which he already looked fucked out. His hair a mess, lips pouting and the most beautiful hooded eyes, laced with lust.

“As long as it gets me out of my pants…” Chan chuckled, gesturing to where an obvious tent made it awfully visible how uncomfortable it must be.

“It does include that, yes.” Felix just answered cryptically, grinning at the small eye-roll Chan directed at him as he stood up, moving to pull his pants down.

Felix was quick to sit up, swatting his hands away and looking up at Chan seductively. He let his fingers dance under the waistband of Chan’s sweats and underwear, pulling lightly.

“Can I?” At the words Chan couldn’t help himself but groan, his dick so hard and he just wanted it out, not contained and pressed down to his stomach, spreading precum uncomfortably to the fabric.

“Just do it, please.” He was again surprised at how easy it was for Felix to make him plead, how desperate he was for anything the other would give him. Even though Chan was the more experienced one it felt like his first time exploring too, everything so much more intense with Felix than with anyone ever before.

Gulping, Felix took together every bit of bravery, silencing his doubting thoughts and just pulling the fabric down, making Chan’s length spring free and bob up against the taught skin of his stomach with a light smacking sound.

Felix was so close to it, feeling the hotness of Chan radiating to him and he felt his stomach drop at the thought of having held him in his own hand that morning. Of one day taking him in his mouth or even letting him fuck him. It made Felix shiver in both respect and anticipation.

Even Chan could feel that sudden change in energy, Felix sitting at the perfect position to give him a blowjob and it filled his mind with so many pictures of what could happen between them, making him twitch pathetically against his stomach.

Extending his arms Chan pulled Felix up and away from where his eyes were trained on his dick, mouth open and tongue poking out. Chan mirrored Felix’ earlier motion, tucking his fingers under the fabric of his pants, right where the button sat, ready to pop it open.

“May I?” He whispered, licking over his lips in an attempt to look seducing and apparently hitting the right spot as Felix nearly mewled at the sight.

“Please, Channie.” It also wasn’t more than a whisper, yet Felix’ voice displayed so much neediness, it had Chan smiling at himself, glad at how easily he could fluster the other too.

Chan made quick work of Felix’ button and zip, pulling both his jeans and the underwear down in one smooth motion as he simultaneously sank to his knees.

He looked up at Felix then, fluttering his lashes and hands finding purpose on Felix’ hips. The view is nearly too much for the younger. Someone being so close to _there_ and bursting to touch him and doing it _for_ him. He couldn’t help but whimper at the thought alone.

“I know you want to try something on me, but could I show you something first?” Chan asked sweetly, pressing his fingers into Felix’ sides reassuringly.

“O-okay. I trust you.” It dawned on Felix what Chan might want to try and he felt like he would lose consciousness and wake up from this dream soon.

“Have you ever gotten a blowjob, Lixie?”, Chan knew the answer all too well, but he wanted to make sure Felix was okay with this, wanted to make him feel good and not overwhelm him with it all. Of course, Felix shook his head, lip worried between his teeth and biting hard enough to draw blood. “Can I show you?”

Chan admittedly hadn’t given too many blowjobs in his life, but he knew the feeling would blow Felix’ mind and weirdly enough he _wanted _Felix in his mouth. His cock looked achingly hard and more than ever before did he just want to dive in and have a taste.

“_Please_.” Felix whimpered, shuddering at the thought already and brazing himself for what would come next. As best as he tried, he could have never prepared himself for it.

Chan’s tongue is warm and wet and sliding over his length in a quick motion, just to get him wet and see the first reaction of Felix. He moaned loudly and his hands found their way into Chan’s hair on their own accord. At the beautiful zoned out expression on his face, Chan’s heart swoll with emotion, so much warmth he felt for Felix suddenly spreading throughout him and lighting him up.

He tried to keep his eyes on Felix when he wrapped his lips around his tip, nipping his tongue into the slit and getting a first bit of Felix’ taste, salty and heady and delicious to Chan, who always had a thing for this taste. Felix’ was just even better than most others.

Chan couldn’t keep his eyes open for long, too concentrated on hallowing his cheeks and taking Felix in further, delighted by the tiny moans coming from above him and soft fingers playing with his hair.

Felix felt like this must be heaven, that this must be a dream or some sort of drug-induced haze because it felt so good. Better than anything he had ever done himself. It was wet and soft and sometimes Chan would lightly graze his skin with his teeth, and it made Felix completely forget where they were, moaning loudly and hell, maybe even forgetting who he was, his whole world suddenly containing of Chan and Chan only.

He felt himself rushing after his high quickly, Chan swirling his tongue around him so beautifully and sending delicious vibrations through his erection by moaning deep in his throat.

It took a lot of willpower for Felix to not come down Chan’s throat, when he hit the back of his mouth and Chan swallowed around him, giving him the most peculiar and good feeling, he had ever felt.

“Channie…”, the word sounded slurred through Felix nearly drooling over himself, so good did he feel. “Sto-op, wanna try…”

Chan registered the words through the cloudy horny mess his brain had become. It felt so good to feel Felix and to lick and bite and taste. It even felt good trying to completely swallow his length and get him off in the deepest parts of his mouth, but at Felix’ voice begging him so nicely he managed to pry himself off, sure to give Felix much more of this very soon.

When he stood up again, legs shaky and spit running down his chin he felt self-conscious all of a sudden, that maybe Felix would be disgusted at seeing him like this. That he went too far and scared Felix away.

Of course, the complete opposite was the case. Felix was completely taken aback by how pretty Chan looked like this, his eyes red and brimmed with unshed tears, cheeks flushed a splotchy red and lips dark and shiny.

He couldn’t help himself but bend forward, kissing and licking the mixture of Chan’s drool and his own precum from his chin and tasting it, not disgusted one bit just incredibly turned on. So much so, that he pressed his lips to Chan’s harshly, trying to turn them around and push the other down on the bed, but not succeeding.

“So greedy.”, Chan giggled as he pulled away, wiping the rest of the stickiness on his face away with the back of his hand, much to the dismay of Felix. “How do you want me?”

He still didn’t know what Felix wanted to try so desperately, but he would probably agree to everything the other would ask for, so he gladly let him take the upper hand for a bit.

“Maybe on your back? Or on all fours? _Fuck_, I don’t really know to be honest.” Even with Chan so cutely giving away his power, Felix is too overwhelmed with it, not knowing how he could best go about his next step.

“I can help you… guide you through it. You just have to tell me what it is.” It sounded so easy. A quick sentence and they would do it, but for Felix this proved to be the hardest thing he had done in a while.

“It’s probably not something you want… as a top and all…” Felix began, trying to get Chan onto what he meant, trying to make this even the slightest bit easier.

Realizing what Felix must want, Chan chuckled, reaching out and petting the side of his head, before giving Felix a quick peck.

“You want to fuck me?” He asked and just couldn’t help the little jump in his voice. Chan had expected a lot from this night but not _that_. Not that he wouldn’t want Felix to, he just wasn’t that prepared. Felix quickly shook his head, taking the worries away from Chan.

“No. Well yes, at some point definitely, if you want to… not today though.” That small voice suddenly crept back into Felix’ head, making him worry for a few moments.

_As if he would ever let you. As if you could even do that. _

Chan was quick to reassure Felix. “I would love to.”, he said, glad that the coldness that so quickly appeared on Felix’ face disappeared again. “So you want to… finger me?” Why did Chan blush now all of a sudden? Just because he hadn’t even touched himself there since Woojin?

“M-maybe… I want to just see it and maybe touch it and maybe even… _oh gosh_.” Sudden embarrassment washed over Felix making him turn around. His skin was burning, and he didn’t dare to look at Chan.

“Wha-? Oh. _Oh._” It took Chan a few seconds, trying to go over everything Felix could want to do, and he didn’t expect that. It felt so brave for someone who never even really touched another man.

Chan’s mouth felt dry. Even he had never gotten eaten out or rimmed or even gotten kissed anywhere near his butt. Not that he didn’t want to try, it just didn’t feel appropriate until now.

But like they say: Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. And, oh, was Chan curious.

“I think I have an idea then. And I can even keep doing what I just did.” Chan smirked and to his surprise pressed Felix into the bed to lie flat on his back.

Felix couldn’t even begin to make sense of it because Chan was pouncing forward straddling his hips with his back towards Felix front and he kept coming closer, climbing up Felix’ body backwards.

_Oh_. Felix could see not only the firm roundness of Chan’s soft ass, he was able to see everything from the way Chan was spread open in the position and it was so much to take in. He didn’t move until Chan’s thighs were framing Felix’ face, point of his desire straight above his head.

Chan felt horrified. His heart was beating out of his chest and every fiber of his being urged him to turn around and do anything but this. He had one hand wrapped around his erection, trying to not hit Felix with it and even that seemed like too much stimulation to the heatened skin.

“Is this okay?” Chan managed to grit out, feeling so bare like he never had before. Felix’ voice is able to calm his screaming thoughts.

“_Channie_, this is… wow… I don’t know what to do to be honest.” Felix voice was lower than Chan had ever heard it. It was enough to calm him down somewhat, given Felix seemed to be okay with this position.

“You can do whatever you want, just… careful… it’s been a long time.” Even Chan didn’t know what to say to Felix, because also to him this was new and different and scary.

“Y-you don’t have to do anything you don’t want either, you know that, right?” Felix made sure at the small tremble audible in Chan’s voice.

“I want this, Lixie. I want this so bad, but I always only did it for others, never had someone else do it on me and… it’s a bit scary.” He couldn’t help but chuckle at the absurd situation.

It felt weird to Felix to talk to Chan’s ass basically, not able to see the other’s face as they spoke. So, instead of giving him an answer Felix pushes his head up and presses a kiss to Chan’s left cheek, making the other topple over in surprise at the sudden feeling.

His hand that before was clutched around his cock sprang free as Chan used the hand to hold himself up, laying heavily on the edge of Felix neck now and it made the younger moan, suddenly the feeling of this extreme closeness overwhelming again.

Chan’s head basically hovered over Felix’ abandoned erection now, and what better way to distract yourself, right? So he quickly bends his back, trying to make it easy for himself to suck Felix off and for the other to reach him.

As if a switch was hit, Felix felt a sudden rush go through him when Chan pushed his head down on his dick, quickly going back to that same depth he had reached earlier, just much easier in their current position.

Felix let himself enjoy the feeling, hips bucking lightly into Chan’s mouth and making the other moan, but not pull off, rather spurred on by Felix’ initiative.

In the back of his head Chan still felt that embarrassment of being so exposed and it held him back a bit, anxiously waiting for Felix to do something, but nothing happening. At some point he just couldn’t take it anymore, pulling off of Felix and grinding his ass down.

“_Oh fuck_!” As if completely ripped out of his thoughts Felix moved, hips pushing up in search of Chan’s mouth and hands gripping his cheeks, pulling them apart and _open_.

The high-pitched whine that left Chan at that might have been the most embarrassing sound he ever made, and he was glad none of the others were in the dorm to witness it. Before he could try and calm down something else suddenly touched him _there_, no warning signs given. 

Chan felt his muscles contract and squeeze around nothingness, searching for that sensation again and Felix was glad to give exactly that, bending forward and licking another stripe over Chan’s hole.

To Felix’ surprise it didn’t feel much different than any other places of Chan he had licked before, just much more sensitive. He could feel every small flutter of Chan’s rim on his tongue, basically taste every little moan he could hear from the other. Oh, Felix absolutely loved it.

Chan noticed just that after a few more kitten licks over his hole, feeling the rumble in Felix’ chest when he couldn’t hold back a small snicker and it drove Chan to go back down on Felix and not give him one second to bask in this sensation.

He immediately tried to get as much of Felix’ length in his mouth as he could, not trying to hold back his moans to stimulate the other even more.

Felix tried to continue his small tastes and licks at Chan’s rim, not very much able to due to the incredible feeling on his dick. He pulled back, moving his head to the side to kiss the inner side of Chan’s thigh, sucking a few marks here and there to give Chan _something_.

It was truly amazing how quick he could forget his fears with Chan, how easily he felt himself get drawn to Chan’s touches and how dearly he wanted to make the other feel good. If only it would always have felt that way.

Felix pushed the thoughts away quickly, not wanting them to ruin this moment. This was _his_ time to feel happiness and pure ecstasy at Chan’s touch, it was his time to make the other feel the same.

So he picked his head up and began his earlier game again, smiling at the immediate response from Chan, moaning around Felix’ dick in his mouth. At first, he kept it at small kisses and kitten licks, small bites and light sucking on the rim of muscle, but soon Felix felt himself get sucked in, wanting to go deeper and see how Chan would react to different things.

With that he pulled his cheeks apart even further and probed against the tight ring of muscles, beconning it to relax, to loosen up and make it easier for him to enter. Sure enough it only took a few seconds for that happen.

Chan had to pull off of Felix when he first breached his rim and fucked his tongue into him shallowly. It felt good. No it didn’t, it felt _amazing_. There was something so intoxicating about the softness of Felix’ tongue, the way he could feel spit slide down his perineum, and he could’ve come then and there, making that clear in the way he pressed his face into Felix’ tummy, only mouthing at his dick and drooling all over the soft skin.

Felix stopped at that, smiling and biting the soft flesh of Chan’s thigh.

“You like that, huh?” He asked with a husky voice, braveness and confidence built up by the way Chan had reacted to him. Felix could feel something wet on his chest, clearly precum smeared from the tip of Chan’s erection and he was overcome with the sudden urge to _taste_.

“Say that again when it’s my tongue in your ass.”, It’s Chan who chuckled then, amused by the gasp Felix audibly took. “Now _continue_, I’m so fucking close.”

Felix considered it for a second, the thought of Chan coming from his tongue tempting but there was something else he wanted to try, something that he used to love before everything happened.

Already pushing two of his fingers into his mouth to slick them up Felix slid down a bit, pressing his hip up and making it easy for Chan to understand.

Groaning he complies suckling on Felix’ tip again, not going further in anticipation of what would come next. Realization hit when a wet finger pushed against his puckered hole, muscles clamping and making a wet noise erupt through the room.

Chan could feel his pulse quickening, scared and worried for how it would feel, pushing down further on Felix’ dick to distract himself from the feeling. He shouldn’t have been worried, because Felix’ small finger is breaching him carefully, pushing in only the slightest bit until he can feel Chan relax around the digit.

It felt the same as on himself, Felix thinks, but also completely different, much hotter and the muscle contracting giving him stimulation even through his finger. He started slow, knowing Chan might not enjoy this feeling a whole lot, and he only relaxed when his finger is in knuckle deep, vibration sent through his dick by Chan moaning around him.

Felix pulled out the slightest bit, wriggling his finger to try and get Chan more relaxed around him, where he was clamping down tight at every small movment.

It might not have seemed like it, but Chan was trying hard, not hating the feeling but his body was just so incredibly sensitive there, making every small twitch of Felix’ finger feel like electricity surging through him.

It doesn’t hurt, definitely not, but it still brought more tears to Chan’s eyes, especially with Felix’ dick hitting the back of his throat with every bob of his head. He tried to get some relieve on Felix’ chest, pressing down and hoping the stimulation on his erection would make his insides relax.

Trying to stay still Felix allowed Chan a few thrusts to his chest, feeling caged under them and slightly weird, but also incredibly aroused at the thought of Chan being this hard because of him. The movement of Chan’s hip presses something soft against Felix’ chin, making the other look down and gulp in surprise.

Of course, he knew if Chan’s ass was so close something else had to be close too, but somehow Felix had managed to ignore it until then. With wet sounds from Chan spurring him on, Felix abruptly moves down, pulling himself out of Chan’s mouth and making the other whine.

Chan was about to speak up when Felix’ hot lips wrapped around the tip of his cock, the feeling so surprising that it has him bucking down involuntarily, making him slide in deep by the position alone.

Felix didn’t even gag, prepared for such sudden movements by his past experiences, just that this time it felt good to have someone’s dick fucking into his mouth, tasting like Chan and making the other moan in pure pleasure.

“Fuck, sorry, didn’t expect that.” Chan tried to pull out, stopped by Felix sucking him in and pulling him down by the finger still buried in Chan’s ass.

Chan had finally relaxed enough for Felix to pump his finger in and out slowly, all the while sucking and swallowing his length and the dual sensation was so much, so fulfilling, Chan could feel his high approaching like a speed train.

By the frantic bucking of Felix’ hips Chan was sure the other was close too, so he did the only palpable thing he could think off, sinking his mouth around Felix’ erection again and sloppily sucking him off.

Pressed to the mattress Felix didn’t have a lot of room to move, swallowing and licking soon feeling pathetic next to Chan’s efforts, so he decided the only way to get some more movement into the situation would for Chan to fuck into his mouth, easy to do from the natural position he was in, but too scared to do something Felix wouldn’t want to do.

So Felix did the only thing he could think of, pushing a second wet finger through the resistance into Chan’s heat and pressing down hard, signaling for Chan to move.

The sudden stretch had Chan choke on Felix, having to pull off to get used to two fingers pushing in and pulling out and urging him to just give in to his urges. With Felix moaning around him he finally did, letting his hips do the work of rhythmically pushing himself in and out of Felix’ mouth.

Chan knew going all the way in would be easy given their position, but he also knew he was slightly bigger than average and probably too much for Felix to take.

Like so often the younger surprised him, pushing his head up to the best of his abilities and not stopping until he could feel the soft skin of Chan's testicles lay big and heavy against his nose, musky scent of pure sex filling his every sense.

“L-lix, _fuck_, gonna c-cum soon.” Chan’s voice was ruined in the most beautiful of ways, rough and heavy and beautiful, Felix could feel himself be on the verge as well, so close from the beautiful treatment Chan had given him.

Again, Felix utilized his fingers to fuck Chan’s length in and out of his mouth, urging him on. Chan was a moaning mess, too far gone to properly suck Felix off, so he did the best thing he could manage, wrapping a hand around Felix’ throbbing erection and lubricated by his spit, moving up and down quickly, matching the rhythm of his own body.

It didn’t take long for them to reach their orgasm, Chan being the first to snap and shoot spurt after spurt of hot release down Felix’ throat, making him swallow it to the last drop by the way Chan had him pressed down.

The sensation sent Felix over the edge right after, coming with a last tuck from Chan, who quickly moved up, trying to catch at least some of the liquid in his mouth and not make a mess between them.

With a squelching sound he pulled out of Felix’ mouth and off the fingers still buried inside of him, quickly turning around in a mess of limbs and skin and falling into the pillow’s half on top of Felix, nuzzling his nose to the other’s cheek.

They let themselves enjoy the sound of ragged breaths dying down and heartbeats calming for a few minutes, before Felix turned on his side, nose to nose with Chan.

It might have been the afterglow of what they just did, but he was more beautiful than ever, taking Felix’ breath away again and making him wonder in what kind of dream world he must have been trapped.

His thoughts are silenced by Chan’s swollen lips being pressed to his, all tongue and spit and emotion and they can taste each other on their tongues, mixing and making a delicious mess of their mouths.

“That was so good.” Felix couldn’t believe he was the first to break the silence after a few minutes of leisurely kissing.

“That was amazing. I loved every second of it.”, Chan felt himself nearly slip up. _I love you_, placed on his tongue. “That last bit… _Lixie…_” He had to close his eyes and bite his lips, memories more than enough to get him going again.

“It even felt good for me… was really nice when you fucked my mouth…” In no other state than this would these words have been able to leave Felix, honest and happy about it. Chan can’t help but smile at him, so precious despite the things they had just done.

“Everything should feel good for you too.”, Chan quickly said, nuzzling in the space between Felix’ cheek and the pillow, his beautiful scent filling up every sense. “I’m glad you enjoyed it. I also liked what you did before, even the fingering.”

The breath that left Felix and hit Chan’s face at that tickled him in the best kind of way, making Chan smile again. A happy, beautiful mess with Felix tangling their legs together.

“I can’t wait for you to show me more…” Felix hummed, making Chan pull him closer, every inch of them touching, warm and soft and soothing.

“Do we have to go to the party?” The sudden whininess in Chan’s voice shocked Felix, not expecting the pout he could feel against his cheek.

“_Channie_, there’s more than enough time for us to do more. For today we have to go and celebrate your birthday.” Felix tried his best to sound convincing, but for some reason he can’t feel it. They could have endless lives on their hands and it would not be enough time.

Chan all but huffed, sighing heavily and pulling back, another kiss pressed against Felix’ lips.

“You’re right, the others would probably kill me if I don’t come.”, Chan could feel a small smile appear on Felix’ face. “Let’s just cuddle a little bit longer.”

And that they did, cuddling until Chan had to cough from his exhausted throat and get up to get something to drink.

Slowly they readied themselves for the party, kissing and touching whenever they could and maybe Chan made it his goal to get Felix off with only his hands in the shower, and perhaps Felix repaid the favor.

However long they would have, this felt right and neither Chan nor Felix could wait to begin their precious time together.


	11. Drunken Struggles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I dare you to kiss Minho.”, Seungmin was sure his heart stopped at Hyunjin’s words. “Not one of those lame kisses, I want you two to really go at it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying my best to upload this one weekly. Please leave kudos and comments, they do a lot in motivating me... 
> 
> Thank you for reading and see you soon ~N

Seungmin was sat on one of the lounges, knees comfortably folded underneath him and positively buzzing with what little alcohol he had allowed himself. He was glad the music wasn’t as blaringly loud here, the life of the party more towards the center of the room and not back where he found himself, Jisung, Changbin and a few strangers around him.

Despite hating it, Seungmin just couldn’t help himself from glancing over to where a group of people was scattered close to the front door, dancing and jumping to bass-heavy beats with no pause. It wasn’t just anyone keeping his attention there, Minho and Hyunjin making their chosen studies proud and giving their all to the dance floor, a small crowd cheering them on every so often.

Despite the people watching them they seemed to pay them no mind, bodies moving in unison and movements complimenting one another. Maybe that was too much of a stretch, given their state they couldn’t manage much more than sloppily grinding on each other. Graceful it was either way.

A deep voice startles Seungmin and pulls his eyes away from the dancefloor. Jisung is sitting next to him, pouting and still mad that no one wanted to go for another round of shots with him. Next to him was someone else Seungmin didn’t know, but he had learnt was a dance major, a lot older than them, but seemingly not a lot more rational.

“If you want to get drunk so desperately you should try a tequila suicide. Does the job in no time.” He said, trying to calm Jisung who got even more talkative and _demanding_, with his alcohol levels rising.

Changbin is eyeing them jealously, biting the rim of his beer bottle and he didn’t say anything in a while, simply glinting at where the stranger had an arm over the back of the couch, much too close to Jisung’s shoulder. For Changbin at least.

“Don’t give him ideas, Jackson.” a familiar voice chimed in from the side. Seungmin happily noticing Chan and Felix walking towards them, arms wrapped around each other.

He patted the space next to him and smiled at Felix, inviting him to sit down. Instead he got a neighbour of Chan, squeezing into the space and pulling Felix on his lap. They looked happy, Seungmin found, hooded eyes and healthy blush to their cheeks.

“Fucking finally. I’ll get the others.” Changbin’s tone was sharp and had the newly arrived furrow their brows in confusion, not able to ask, because Changbin was already storming off towards the dancefloor.

“What’s up with Changbin?” Chan asked, wrapping his arms around Felix’ waist. Before Seungmin can answer, the stranger, Jackson, answered on his behalf.

“I think he’s jealous because I’m so close to small Han here.”, he booped Jisung’s nose. “Just had a few rounds of shots with him and that brings brothers closer.”

Chan rolled his eyes at Jackson, however smiling at his friend. Felix and Seungmin exchanged an amused smile, before turning their eyes back to them.

“What’s a tequila suicide?” Jisung asked, ignoring the jealousy topic at hand, because maybe he had enjoyed the way Changbin kept staring holes into him with Jackson being so close.

“You do not want to know that, believe me.” Seungmin said, laughing at the annoyed groan from Jisung. He remembered the time at his graduation party where a few unfortunate people had decided to try the feat. It did not turn out well to say the least.

“Oi, Jackson, I think Yugyeom could use some help over there.” Chan pointed to where a rather tall figure stumbled down the stairs, nearly slipping and falling.

Cursing, Jackson jumped up and made his way over quickly, picking the lanky boy up and safely bringing him down the stairs. The group looked after him amusedly, Felix turning around to look at Chan.

“You really know everyone, don’t you?” He chuckled leaning back into Chan.

“It’s my charm.” A dimply smile appeared on Chan’s face before he leant in to kiss Felix and simultaneously tickle his sides.

“_Yuck_! You two are worse than those hoes over there…” The words came out slurred, Jisung giggling lightly when he pointed to where Hyunjin and Minho were still wrapped around one another on the dance floor, a desperate Woojin trying to separate them and Changbin and Jeongin just standing on the side shaking their heads.

“We are _not_!” Felix sounded outraged, blushing at the pure thought of dancing like that with Chan, unthinkable in front of all these people.

Seungmin couldn’t help but look away, down at his knees, when Hyunjin and Minho, escorted by the others, finally made their way over. Something in his heart yearned for the same thing, despite not the biggest dancer, he wanted to enjoy it with them, the alcohol heightening his confidence but also the sad feeling of his heart clenching at seeing the two so happily together.

He couldn’t dwell on the feeling, because a shot glass was pushed into his lap by Jeongin, who had a small stack of them to spread amongst the group. Following him, Woojin filled each jug with some kind of crystal-clear beverage, not caring if some spilled over the edges.

There was a small group now, except for them. A few girls from the other dorm, Jackson and Yugyeom and few more faces Seungmin didn’t recognize, all with a drink in their hands.

“To Chan!”, Woojin raised his own glass in the air, everyone else quickly following and looking at the birthday boy. “For many more incredible days with you!”

“Geonbae!” The whole group choired before tipping the shots to their lips. Downing it in one gulp, Seungmin couldn’t help but shudder, the strong taste of pure vodka burning its way down his throat.

With a raspy voice Felix holds out his glass. “Another one, we need to make up for the one’s we missed.”

So Chan and Felix drink a second and third round, the fourth one shared with the group once more. With so many faces, the vodka was emptied quickly, Jackson replacing Chan’s and Felix’ empty glasses with two bottles of apple cider.

Who didn’t have space on the couch sat down across from it on the floor, a small circle building and chatting around. Seungmin felt awfully watched by two pairs of eyes especially, trying to ignore the urge to find the source and look back at them.

“We have an empty bottle, how about we use it?” Jackson suddenly yelled, rolling the bottle to the middle of their circle and overtoning even the music in the back.

Despite how much Seungmin did _not _want to play, there was not much saying in it, given the rest of the group loudly cheered for the idea. Shuffling over he made space for Felix to squeeze himself beside him, off of Chan’s lap to give the other a chance to bend forward.

“Birthday boy goes first!” Woojin announced, eyes glinting when Chan bent down to spin the bottle. It didn’t even come to a natural end on someone random, but was stopped by Sana’s hand so it perfectly pointed at Chan.

“Oh, what coincidence!”, She said fakely, Chan pushing his tongue out at her. “Truth or dare, Chan?”

“Truth, I’m not drunk enough to run around the campus naked just yet.” To underline his words Chan took a big sip of his cider. It didn’t even take a second until a question was yelled into the group, Jeongin’s face bright red but smiling wildly as he uttered the words.

“What took you and Felix so long to get here?” He asked, shocking almost everyone in the circle, except for Jackson who gestured to high-five the youngest, but barely managed to hit his hand, smiling either way.

“Details please!” Jihyo said excitedly, taking a glass with some kind of cocktail from the guy sitting besides her.

“You perverts!” Felix said, voice breaking and shying away from everyone’s gazes, face hiding in Seungmin’s shoulder and in turn making him blush. Alcohol really made Felix clingy, not that Seungmin minded one bit, glad the boy seemed to trust him enough to be so close.

“Spill…” Woojin said, seemingly being the voice of order, because Chan just sighed defeatedly before pressing himself against Felix, pushing him even closer to Seungmin. They didn’t notice the glares of jealousy directed their way from Hyunjin and Minho, distracting themselves with their drinks.

“We did not fuck.”, Chan giggled, annoyed groans erupting from around him and urging him to get the whole truth out. “We did not fuck, but it did include dicks and tongues and some bodily openings.”

“_Everything _sexual includes those things basically.” Changbin snickered, pleased by the way Chan hid away even more behind Felix.

“You all are so nosy…”, Felix whined, face removed from Seungmin’s shoulder for just a second. “Blowjobs, rimming, fingering, amongst other things, is that _enough_?”

“Not nearly, but we’ll leave it at that… You two are nasty!” A pleasant voice chimed from the man sitting next to Jihyo. Chan all but jumped up in his seat finger pointing at him.

“You of all saying that, Daniel? May I remind you of the time I walked in on yo-_AH_.” Chan was stopped midsentence by something suspiciously looking like a sock thrown his way, dodging it barely but keeping his mouth shut. Where the sock came from Seungmin had no clue.

“I want next!” Jisung exclaimed then, bending down and spinning the bottle. Chan sat up smoothing his shirt and straightening his body, pulling Felix away from Seungmin and closer to himself.

The bottle landed on Jihyo, quickly exclaiming to want a truth. Before Jisung could ask anything, Chan beckoned him closer whispering something in his ear. By the smile spreading over Jisung’s face it must have been very spicy.

“Great, now I threw my sock in vain.” Seungmin could hear _Daniel_ mumble, before pressing a kiss to the side of Jihyo’s face. _Oh_, now slowly things began to make sense.

“Okay, okay. The question is of course totally my idea, so what exactly did Chan see when he walked in on you and Daniel?” As if the mean question sobered him up a bit, Jisung’s voice was solid and he only stumbled over one or two words.

Chan laughed meanly at the annoyed gaze being directed his way, flicking Daniel the finger and not caring about getting two back. Even Seungmin couldn’t hold back a chuckle, feeling Felix hand reach out for his. Since when was he so cute and cuddly? Seungmin might have wanted to fill Felix up more often if it meant he could have friendship cuddles and love for it.

“_Hmm…_”, Jihyo acted like she was lost in deep thought, before bending forward to look directly at Jisung. “If I remember correctly Chan walked in after I just tied Daniel to the bed and was in the process of putting a chastity cage on him, isn’t that right baby?” Hiding his face in his hands, Daniel just nodded lightly.

“A _what_?” Jeongyeon asked, sounding utterly betrayed, because that really happened in her dorm? And she didn’t know of it?

“There’s just that small detail you forgot, _dear_ _Jihyo_.”, Chan’s voice sounded like the devil had possessed him. “He called you a very special word, I don’t really remember, maybe you can refresh my memory?”

The group was awfully silent, all in suspense for what would come now. Jihyo rolled her eyes, nudging Daniel lightly and intertwining their fingers.

“Tell them, baby?” She asked, voice sweet and it had an immediate effect on Daniel, making him sit up straight despite obvious embarrassment written on his face.

“Mommy. I call her mommy.”, His voice was steady despite the countless jaws dropping and surprised gasps erupting around them. “If anyone is going to kink shame me, I will break your bones.” He probably wouldn’t, but no one had to know that.

“No, never. Good for you, man.” Jackson said, maybe more than a bit intrigued by the thought of a _cage_, but not trying to show it too much. Bending over he misses the next high-five as well.

“I’m liking this, so many dirty secrets come out!”, Hyunjin said giggling. “Can I go next?”

“You just don’t want any of _your_ secrets to come out, but sure, go ahead.” Woojin said, picking up the bottle and handing it over to Hyunjin, who was quick to spin it.

Of course, how luck would have it, it perfectly landed on Seungmin. Expecting the worst Seungmin groaned, unplucking his knees from under him and sitting up. Hyunjin’s expression was unreadable. No matter the decision, Seungmin would surely get a hard task to swallow.

“Truth or dare, _Minnie_?” The emphasis on his nickname stressed Seungmin heavily, gulping down the lump in his throat before speaking up.

“After those truths? Definitely dare.” Glad he was good at manipulating his voice, Seungmin didn’t stutter one bit. The way Hyunjin bit his lip had Seungmin’s skin erupt in goosebumps still. _Oh no_.

“I dare you to kiss Minho.”, Seungmin was sure his heart stopped at Hyunjin’s words. “Not one of those lame kisses, I want you two to really go at it for as long as… _hmm_… Changbin can hold his breath.”

Remembering Changbin telling him one of his favourite things was to rap, Seungmin felt his chest tighten at the sole thought of how long that could be.

Felix tried to read Seungmin’s expression, definitely shock but also something else displayed on his face. Relieve maybe? He was about to speak up, but Sana beat him to it, bending forward to look at Hyunjin with furrowed brows.

“I thought you and Minho were a thing?” She asked, puzzlement obvious in her voice. Hyunjin just shrugged.

“Yeah maybe. But that’s my dare. You okay with it, Min?” He turned to Minho besides him, pressing himself to his side, glad to see the other grin.

“Oh, _more_ than okay.”, Minho said, relishing in the confused stares directed at him. Pecking Hyunjin goodbye he pushed himself up and crossed the distance between himself and Seungmin, towering over the sitting boy. “You up for it?”

His hand reached down to lay against Seungmin’s shoulder, able to feel him tremble under his skin. As much as he wanted them to kiss, Minho would never force himself on someone else.

“Sure, whatever.”, Seungmin tried to sound as unaffected as possible, successful to most of them, but not to Minho, Felix and Chan, who all looked at him worried. “It’s just a kiss guys, come on.”

Despite trying to calm his friends, Seungmin felt like he might just explode. _It was definitely not _just _a kiss_. Not when he had thought about this so often over the last few days. Something inside of Seungmin actually hoped Changbin would keep his breath forever.

“Okay then, Changbin get ready.”, as if it was Changbin overcoming himself there. “Go!”

With Hyunjin’s command, Minho was quick to straddle Seungmin’s lap, thighs squeezing against Jisung and Felix sitting next to him, but not caring. Minho did not give the other even one second to think before bending down and pressing his lips against Seungmin’s.

As if on their own accord, the younger’s hands immediately found their way to Minho’s waist, grabbing the fabric of his shirt and pulling him even closer. Minho saw it as an invitation to wrap his arms around Seungmin’s neck and curl his fingers into the soft hair at the nape of his neck.

What began as a passionate press of lips quickly turned more heated when he actually pulled on a few strands, making Seungmin involuntarily moan and open his lips for Minho to intrude.

It was desperate and needy, both of their tongues dancing a frantic song, licking and tasting to try and explore as much as they could in the short time that was given them. They tasted like alcohol and recklessness, forgetting about everyone around them when Minho actually thrusted his hips down to tease Seungmin, simultaneously biting the other’s lips lightly.

“Guys, I’m done…” Changbin’s voice brought them back, much too early and neither of them felt ready to part.

Seungmin’s hair looked a mess, both of their lips swollen red and skin flushed pink. It was only a secret to the two of them, but their faces were not the only thing affected by them making out, Seungmin pressed hard against Minho’s ass and the older’s erection trapped painfully between their bodies.

It all came crashing down on Seungmin then, his heart skipping beats because Minho was so close. Closer than ever before and he was _so beautiful_. And he felt the same way too, delicious and painfully gorgeous against Seungmin, but it wasn’t real, probably wasn’t the same for Minho.

“Get off me.” Seungmin grunted, pushing harshly against Minho’s firm chest, because this was too much, too close and he couldn’t breathe.

He was glad the other stood up quickly, turning to look at Felix for a split second to see his face completely worriedly looking back at him. Instead of saying anything Seungmin shook his head, trying to smile and silently say he was fine. He really wasn’t but that didn’t mean he had to burden Felix with his stupid problems.

Before anyone could react Seungmin stormed off, stumbling over dizzy feet before escaping through the front door. Minho was right on his heels, quickly turning around.

“I’ll take care of him, just continue without us.” He assured before running behind Seungmin, scared to lose him if he got too far out of his sight.

With long legs Hyunjin was quick to be at his side, intertwining their fingers and pacing out of the building. The outside air was no cooler than the inside, no refreshment to slow their running thoughts.

In the darkness they could barely make out anything, stumbling down the sidewalk in frantic search for Seungmin. They found him leaning against a wall headfirst, back turned towards them, so he couldn’t hear them approach. 

Only meaning to calm him, Minho reached his hand out, lightly touching Seungmin’s shoulder. It proved to be a mistake because the other harshly pulled away, turning to them and glaring with pure fear and anger in his eyes.

“Don’t fucking touch me! Don’t you dare touch me!” Seungmin could feel his whole body tingle, anxiety washing over him in fear one of the two would not listen to his words.

“S-sorry, Seungmin, I’m so sorry.” Minho was shocked. The sudden outburst so surprising it had him hold his hands up to show he would not harm Seungmin in any way.

“It’s my fault. I’m sorry Seungmin, I shouldn’t have asked you to do that.” Hyunjin felt close to crying, trying to gulp the feeling down because how could that possibly help in this situation?

“Leave me alone, please.” Seungmin barely even whispered, his whole body feeling drained of any small bit of energy.

This brought up so many feelings, emotions he did not want to face anymore. He didn’t even want to be alone, scared the thoughts would overcome him completely, but he did not want force anyone to play therapist for him either, used to handle his problems alone. Just because he was used to something however, didn’t mean it was the best solution.

“Minnie, we can’t do that. We can’t just leave you like this.” Hyunjin’s voice was soft and everything it took for Seungmin to look up at their faces. Everything he found was worry and pure _love_.

“I’m sorry I kissed you.” Minho watched closely as Seungmin leant against the wall and sank down slowly, sitting on the floor to try and calm where the world was spinning around him. Maybe he was slightly more drunk than he thought.

“Stop apologizing.”, Seungmin glared at them, making sure they would finally just shut up. “I liked the kiss, okay? I’m just mad that you two don’t stop playing with me like I’m not a human being.”

Yup, the alcohol definitely loosened his tongue, making Seungmin not care one bit that he was being so open with the thoughts that kept plaguing him.

“What do you mean?” For Hyunjin it wasn’t the alcohol, he just didn’t get Seungmin.

“I _mean_, that you two fuck around like there’s no tomorrow but still give me hopes. Those fucking looks, always teaming up with me, getting it on in _my _tent and now that kiss, like why me? It fucks with my feelings, that you two fluster me like crazy but I know it will never be something serious.” Somewhere during his words, Seungmin pushed his face into his hands, why did he feel like crying now?

Minho and Hyunjin exchange a pregnant look, confusing and _hurting _Seungmin like this never having been their intention. Kneeing down, they both scoot a bit closer to their friend.

“_Minnie…_”, Hyunjin’s voice was like sugar, calming Seungmin’s wounds. “We never meant to make you feel that way.”

“What do you mean? It’s all just a weird game for you, isn’t it?” Seungmin asked, looking up. It was Minho who spoke up next.

“We like you, Seungmin.”, he said, only getting a confused shake of Seungmin’s head. “We think you are absolutely beautiful and an incredibly sweet person.”

“So, you’re trying to see who can seduce me sooner or what? Weird methods you’re using.” Seungmin would laugh if he wouldn’t feel so incredibly dumbfounded at the words. They liked him too?

“Minnie. I like you and I like Minho. I want to get to know both of you and _be_ with both of you.” Hyunjin smiled when Minho nodded in agreement, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers.

“I think you two know each other pretty well…” Seungmin’s brain couldn’t really grasp the implication of Hyunjin’s words, not in his hazy state of drunkenness.

“Seungmin. What do you feel for us?” One of Minho’s less fortunate drunk traits despite being a hot horny mess? Impatience.

“I-“, Seungmin can’t even put it in words. “I think I’m crushing on both of you… What is wrong with me?” The desperation in his voice would be cute in any other situation.

“Listen to us. We crush on you too _and_ on each other. Relationships don’t have to be between two people to work!” Hyunjin kept growing more and more frantic, having this conversation drunk definitely was a stupid idea.

“I think I need some time to figure that stuff out myself, _oh_! Hi, Felix!” Never had anyone ever been on better timing. Scrambling up, Seungmin tried to shake the thoughts of this conversation and care about them later, when his brain wouldn’t feel as dizzy.

Even when he waved the two goodbye and hooked his arm under Felix’, walking the confused boy back to the party, one thought wasn’t able to be pushed back:

_Relationships don’t have to be between two people. _


	12. Unnecessary Worries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for the wait, I have a really hard time concentrating right now, so every bit of writing takes me way too long. 
> 
> I don't plan to make too many more chapters of Sound of Your Heart, maybe three more, but I am not completely sure yet. I want to wrap up the different pairings nicely and then leave it open to maybe extend in the future :3   
So look forward to Chanlix finally doing the deed, Seungmin accepting his feelings and Changbin and Jisung also finally getting another chapter. 
> 
> I hope to see you on the next chapter and as always thank you for reading and leaving Kudos. I can't believe we hit 2000 reads!! For my first ever work on here that is absolutely mind-blowing, thank you so much! 
> 
> See you soon ~N

In conclusion, the first week of the semester could have been described as somewhat of a joke. Each lesson just used to explain the basic modules and workload, and the professors narcissistically introducing themselves, their _amazing _classes, and whatever they achieved to now teach at this splendid university.

A lot of them were old and seemed to have lost grasp, not only of their lives, but also of reality and how times changed. For some even a PowerPoint being too much of a hassle, so they talked about their twenty-year-old book for two whole hours. No visual supporters given.

Going around campus proved another annoying hurdle, clubs and associations just waiting to jump each and every unprotected first semester and trying to get them to join. Felix was glad that he always had either Changbin or Woojin with him, the experienced students leading him and the other first semesters to all the different buildings because their courses didn’t even start for another week.

By wednesday Changbin agreed to give the newbies a few premature lessons in musical history, just so they would be a bit ahead when the course would really start. Minho was also sweet enough to show Felix some of the most basic dance fundaments, even without Hyunjin, which secretly Felix was very glad for, given the last time the both of them danced together turned into something more suited for a nightclub, than a university. Right in front of Felix.

Chan seemed to be a lot busier than everyone else, out and about with friends and teachers all day, working on lyrics and beats through the night. He never would have asked Felix to leave him alone for it, to give him space, but considerate as well as concerned Felix just retreated, giving Chan all of the space he could.

They still cuddled together for a few hours each day, just talking about God and the world, or watching stupid movies, playing a few rounds of Smash, anything to get the fix they needed from each other.

Woojin was completely blooming in organizing whatever he could, helping the dorm members with problems and requesting changes to the university board. His room had been overtaken by boxes of different flyers and magazines to hand out or leave in the hallway to grab, most about special offers for students regarding food, doctors or sports clubs.

As much as he would’ve liked to admit that he had the chaos under control, he didn’t. Jeongyeon must know some kind of magic to not drown in leaflets and useless information thrown at RA’s from all sides.

A turning point was reached when Jeongin nearly drowned under a falling stack of boxes upon entering Woojin’s room, just wanting to ask what laundry detergent was supposed to go where. That’s why at ten in the evening he had his whole dorm gathered in the kitchen, sorting through flyers that could be of interest and other’s that he would give to other RA’s.

“There’s a LGBT union here?” Hyunjin was studying a brightly coloured leaflet about a club for anyone somehow fitting under the term. There were parties advertised, buddy meetings, game nights, generally things that seemed like a lot of fun, if it wouldn’t be a _union. _Probably already overflowing with new members.

“Yeah, they are really active and have some fun parties. We should definitely go there at some point.” Chan said, laughing because they really should _all _go. Not one completely straight person in sight between their dorm members.

Felix grabbed a leaflet from Hyunjin’s stack and studied it. Despite some small grammatic errors it looked absolutely promising, especially when he read, they have associations with doctors and institutions across the whole city. Woojin must’ve taken one of the leaflets himself, grumbling for a second, as if in deep thought, before speaking up.

“I feel stupid for asking, but as your RA I feel like I _have _to, especially now with so many…”, Woojin sheepishly looked up and gestured to the obvious couples having formed around the table. “You all stay safe, right? It’s not really my place to tell you, but there would be a free check-up for numerous STD’s tomorrow at the uni hospital, organized by the LGBT union.”

Gazes were exchanged. A lot of them. Worried glances between Changbin and Jisung and quickly directed from Felix to Chan, who then looked at Woojin apologetically. Minho and Hyunjin just shrugged at each other before turning to the other’s, suddenly very interested in the awkward silence. Jeongin seemed to be the only one not caring about any of it.

“I don’t want to read anything into this situation,”, the youngest said. “but what is the harm if we all go? Just to make sure?”

“Yes! Group testing, that sounds fun!” Hyunjin’s voice sounded like they were planning a trip to a theme park, or the mall. Not to get tested on sexually transmittable diseases, because some of them obviously thought with their dick first.

“I would not describe it as fun, but I think that it could be important. We share bathroom’s after all. Everyone fine with going after class?” The voice of reason yet again, Woojin looked at each and every one of his residents to try and read the situation.

Albeit reluctantly, everyone agreed. Changbin not able to look Jisung in the eyes anymore and Chan desperately trying to make jokes and lighten the mood.

His first week of uni was really far away from any expectations Felix ever had.

“_This _many people want to get tested?” Felix couldn’t believe it when they arrived in the packed waiting room the nurse had sent them to. Dozens of students lingering around and filling the air with loud chit-chat.

“Nobody likes herpes or chlamydia…” Chan wrapped his arm around Felix’ shoulders, public displays of affection feeling easier and easier every day that went by.

“Also students fuck like rabbits, so I think it is good to see they at least care about what gets stuck up their-“

“Jackson! Didn’t see you there.” Chan released Felix from his grasp and made his way over to his friend, stopping him mid-sentence, because he really did not want to talk about _who_ gets _what_ stuck up their _whatever_ in front of so many people.

Felix wasn’t left alone for long, Seungmin quickly hooking his arm under the smaller boy’s and walking to where a line was waiting to get a number drawn. It might take a while longer than they expected, cooking probably off and ordering pizza later on the better idea.

Everyone seemed much too calm for the situation, Felix found. He himself was worried headless over how it would work, what could possibly come out, despite no obvious signs of anything being wrong with him. Seungmin must have noticed the way he kept worrying his bottom lip between his teeth and fiddled with the hem of Chan’s sweater he was wearing.

“Don’t worry, it will be fine.”, Seungmin’s voice was so full of certainty, Felix might have actually believed his words and felt a lot calmer all of a sudden. “Even if you two didn’t fuck safely, that’s not saying that you _have _to be infected with something.” There the calmness went again, jumping out of the window alongside Felix’ will to live.

“Well, we didn’t f-fuck, to be completely real. Not yet.” Felix felt his skin burn up under Seungmin’s surprised look. Did he seem _that_ easy?

“No need to confess to me, Lix. Just saying that whatever it is you two did, it is not a death sentence.” The queue moved way too slow for Seungmin’s liking, hating the smell of hospital laying on his skin like a thick brandmark. Talking to Felix probably the only thing keeping him from going insane at the thought of whatever illnesses were ever contained in the building.

“D-do you know how the testing works?” Felix asked, looking anywhere but up at Seungmin’s eyes.

“If it’s the same procedure I had back home, they will ask you a few questions and then draw some blood and test it for different things. Then we wait here until our number gets called and a doctor gives us the diagnosis.” Seungmin smiled down at Felix, trying to calm the boy who just didn’t stop trembling and fidgeting with his fingers. Where is Chan when you need him?

“How do you know so much about it, Minnie?” A much too familiar voice toned from behind the two. When did Hyunjin and Minho queue up directly after them?

Seungmin had avoided the two to his best abilities, not an easy task because Minho was his roommate after all and the two just kept making out in his room instead of Hyunjin’s. This was the first time they talked to each other since the party and Hyunjin was so close, his breath ghosting over the nape of Seungmin’s neck, every sense heightened.

“I don’t like the idea of having a STD so I got checked before?” Seungmin didn’t mean to sound as irritated as he did and for a second, he is worried he was too mean, quickly forgetting the thought when he looked back and could see Hyunjin’s face light up in a smile.

“Do you have that much unprotected sex that you would need to worry about that?” The tone in Hyunjin’s voice was so obviously teasing, Seungmin swallowed the sour feeling in his throat and tried to look as calm and put together as possible.

“And what if?” He asked, not caring about his reputation, because of course Seungmin knew that he did indeed _not_ have a lot of unprotected sex, at all. But if Hyunjin could tease, why couldn’t he?

It seemed to have worked, because Hyunjin looked all but starstruck, mouth agape and Minho had to nudge him to get the other to stop staring. Seungmin just turned around and captured Felix in a conversation about his classes until it was their turn to pull a number, not wanting to preoccupy himself with these two anymore. They confused him so much already.

It took nearly an hour until they finally got called up one by one and taken into a few different doctor’s offices, obviously more than just one specialist there on such a busy day. Chan could only see Felix disappear inside one without bidding him farewell, because he was so far back in the queue. From the looks of it Seungmin had done his utmost to keep Felix from spiraling into bad thoughts. Chan made sure to remember to thank the younger later.

Inside of the office, all of them had to fill out a form regarding their recent sexual encounters and medical history, before getting drawn blood once from the finger and once from the earlobe. Band-aided up, they met again in the waiting room, nurses telling them to keep patience until their number was called again.

The atmosphere was heavily loaded, palpable that every single student in the room was full of worry of what results could come out form the testing. Jackson, who had been checked before they even queued up, was finally called up for his diagnosis and came back a few minutes later with a few documents in his hand and a bright grin on his face.

“As clean as ever.”, He yelled fist-bumping Chan and Woojin. “Don’t worry guys, y’all are way too cool for some lame ass STD’s.”

“That’s not how it works but thank you anyway.” Chan laughed and Felix could feel himself melt at the sound of it, still awestruck by every small thing Chan did.

After Jackson left it was Seungmin who got called up first, followed by Felix who felt like his heart dropped to his stomach and made every step even harder. After walking back into the office of the same doctor he had filled the form out in earlier, he was asked to sit down, whilst the printer took his sweet time to release Felix’ diagnosis.

The doctor pushed a small booklet on safe sex into Felix’ hands, explaining the need for it and why he should never trust a stranger’s word unless they can show a recent negative diagnosis. It felt like some kind of built up for Felix to be told these things, like the doctor belittled him in every way because he was probably dying of some kind of STD. At least that’s what his brain kept screaming at him during her lecture.

Finally, the printer granted up four sheets of paper with loud protesting noises, two of which the doctor stamped before handing them to Felix over the table. Quickly scanning over the lines, she smiled at him. Felix felt like he could finally breath again.

The words on the document seemed a different language completely, only a few words jumping out at Felix that he could discern. _Negative. No traces. _

Confirming his hopes, the doctor explained each and every sentence. That there were no traces of infections, bacteria, lots of things Felix did not know existed. The gist of it: No things to be concerned about. He was safe to sleep with whoever he wanted, with or without protection (the doctor of course stressing that he should always use a condom and get tested regularly).

The giddiness he felt, soon washed away when Felix left the office, because what if his friend’s diagnoses wouldn’t come out as fortunate? What if Chan would have… Felix didn’t dare to think any further.

Seungmin was already standing in the hallway, smiling and giving a thumbs up to Felix which was quick to be returned. It felt right to embrace each other, to sigh off a heavy weight they didn’t fully realize they were carrying.

“Told you it will be fine.” Seungmin grinned smugly, not missing the way Felix rolled his eyes as he leant on the wall directly next to Seungmin.

“You did. It was still really scary.” Felix couldn’t wait to get home and make himself a cup of tea, body feeling strained from not only practicing with Minho that morning, but also the emotional stress he had felt in the hospital. 

“They always make you feel like it’s the worst, don’t they?” Seungmin pushed his hair out of his face waiting for a reply, but before Felix could answer, Minho interrupted them, happily pacing down the hallway.

“I don’t see devastated faces or tears, so we are in the clear?” He didn’t even greet, simply slumping against the wall on the other side of Seungmin, a bit too close for comfort.

“I’m taking your smile as a sign that for _you_ everything is okay as well?” Felix of course noticed the way Seungmin stiffened up at Minho’s arrival, not sure what to make of it but gladly taking over the conversation to make it easier for Seungmin. Whatever _it_ was.

“More than okay, I’m so happy-oh, _Jinnie_, over here!”, Minho straightens up when Hyunjin comes skipping towards them, bright smile plastered on his face and slamming the other’s body into the wall with a happy hug. “You good?” Hyunjin’s expression would be all but psychotic if his diagnosis would have been anything but good, but Minho asked either way.

“Yup, you too?” Hyunjin kept his arms locked around Minho but directed the question at all of them, not really needing an answer but smiling even wider when all three of them nodded. His eyes of course locked on Seungmin’s at the end.

He kept them trained there when moving forward, lips next to Minho’s ear as if only talking to him but definitely addressing Seungmin too with his caging gaze.

“Imagine all the possibilities…” Hyunjin’s voice was low and husky, Minho immediately melting into him and Seungmin can feel an embarrassing gasp leave his lips, because whatever possibilities Hyunjin was talking about, they definitely were including him.

“I’m still right here.”, Felix looked at them completely scandalized, scarred by what he kept witnessing between the three of them. “Let’s wait in the other room so there are at least other people to keep you two tamed.”

“That never stopped me.” Minho winked but turned around either way, fingers intertwined with Hyunjin’s and leading them back to the waiting room.

Seungmin could feel his whole body react to the words, skin erupting in goosebumps and heart picking up its already quickened pace. He hoped Felix didn’t notice how he readjusted his growing erection in his pants and nearly stumbled over his own feet, completely flustered because maybe he had a thing for exhibitionism. And maybe he had a thing for Minho and Hyunjin too.

The waiting room was way emptier then, evening long approached, and they easily found a corner to sit in and wait for the others. It didn’t take too long for them to be done too, first Jeongin and then Woojin, both calm because as expected they were all good.

Changbin and Jisung didn’t even enter the waiting room again, just shooting a message to their group chat that they were more than fine and wanted to go back to the dorm already. No one wanted to imagine what had them so eager, the intentions crystal clear.

They waited on Chan for what felt like eternity, Felix jumping every time the door opened and neither Seungmin’s hand on his shoulder, nor Woojin’s soothing words could calm him down, Felix all but falling apart in the chair he was sitting on, because why would it take so long if everything was alright?

He was ready to call Chan, or just storm right into every office and search for him, when finally, the door opened and revealed his lover’s figure. Felix immediately jumped up, sprinting over and throwing himself into Chan’s arms.

_He was smiling. Everything would be fine._

The air got knocked out of Chan from Felix’ passionate embrace and he stumbled backwards a few steps before returning the hug and burying his face in the crook of Felix’ neck. He smelled like hand sanitizer and the typical hospital scent, but most of all like his Felix.

“And?” Woojin’s annoyed voice made Chan pick his head up, arms releasing Felix but still holding him close by his side.

“No need to worry. I have nothing.” He said, grinning widely, dimples on full display and the group erupts in thankful sounds. Now all of them looking content and relieved.

“What the hell took you so long?” Minho gestured to the clock on the wall and then looked at Chan questioningly, quickly followed by the others. Chan dropped his gaze to the floor, shrugging lightly and turning to Felix.

“The printer didn’t work.”


End file.
